By Buzz Byrne
 
I’ll be honest and say that between the two AMERICAN IDOL finalists, Blake Lewis and Jordin Sparks, I’ve been more entertained by Blake. Jordin’s obviously a better singer, but Blake has showmanship. If beatboxing annoys you, then you are already typing away a rant back. It’s just that Jordin seems like a synthetic amalgam of pop-singer tics and tricks, and since she is only 17 years old – as Admiral Randy reminds us every four minutes – one can hardly blame her for not having the life experience to relate to any of the power ballads her vocals are suited for. The real crime of this season was the highly-suspect ouster of Sanjaya Malakar a month ago. I tremble at the thought of Jordin losing to that off-key, faux hawk-wearing goofball. That would have been the single greatest moment in reality TV.
 
But enough of dreams and biases. Tonight’s first moment of suspense came with seeing how Judge Paula Abdul had survived her “Chihuahua accident.” Apparently, she tripped over her sleeping dog “Tulip,” fell and broke her nose. I truly hope Tulip wasn’t mixing Stoli and Vicodin. Fortunately, Paula was well enough to heap praise and tell us “We are all winners!” If you can look Tulip in the eye and believe that, then I say “Good for you.” This whole episode led to host Ryan Seacrest using the “B” word, and frankly Tulip, that seems unfair.
 
Blake started the singing with his version of Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name.” He vocally “scratched” the track, mixed it up and injected his style into the piece. He is also, unfortunately, prone to physically indicating lyrics. Oh, that’s a “fingertip” and that’s a “gun” and look, now you’re “running.” Thank God he didn’t pick Sublime’s “Date Rape.” Jordin answered with Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter.” The vocals were right, but it’s hard to believe the singer is a scorned woman reborn when she slouches through the song. The slouching is inevitable; when Jordin stands next to Ryan she looks like a giant child about to stuff her Ken doll into Barbie’s cocktail dress just for the fun of it. Judge Simon Cowell scored that round for Blake. No argument here.
 
Round two began with Blake’s version of Maroon 5’s “She Will Be Loved.” Bad song choice, Dawg. Coldplay calls that song limp. Blake, between that song and the emo haircut, you have officially made tattoos sissified. And I like you. Jordin responded with Martina McBride’s “A Broken Wing.” The music/vocal mix seemed off to me, and Jordin played it safe, holding back until the last note.
 
The final number was the original song, the winner’s first single titled “This is My Now.” And in true AI fashion, it was tepid and saccharine. And it beat 19 other songs. I’d listen to the losing songs, but first I’d rather whack my toes with a ball-peen hammer as hard as possible. This was a flat fastball for Jordin. Blake, you had no chance with this and I think you knew that. Jordin will win but Bo Bice has got the car running out back and if you’re lucky, Blake, maybe you’ll discover mascara like tonight’s closing act, Chris Daughtry.
 
Tomorrow, a two-hour result show to tell you what I’ve told you here. Jordin wins.