By Buzz Byrne
I just don’t understand this show. I know the premise of THE NEXT BEST THING: WHO IS THE GREATEST CELEBRITY IMPOSTER? is to find the most amazing celebrity impersonation, but I don’t understand WHY. Impressions generally go one of two ways: either a mimic does several quick impressions, like judge Elon Gold, or it is a tribute where the impressionist inhabits the full act of a particular performer by doing their songs or material. This show wants something in between, and unfortunately, that in between thing is not entertaining. It’s creepy and sad. One woman who made it on to the next round has proudly been doing Madonna for 20 years. Twenty years! That’s not creative or expressive, that’s a fetish.
After a few rounds with the “well-known judges” (that’s what the ABC website calls them. Even they couldn’t muster the stones to call Jeffery Ross, Lisa Ann Walter and Elon Gold celebrities), America will vote and one of these “performers” will win $100 thousand and be named THE NEXT BEST THING. This episode was typical of first-round audition performances: lame, lame, lame … lame, scary, lame, oh good, psychotic! At least with AMERICAN IDOL, the winner gets a record contract. THE LAST COMIC STANDING gets a cameo on a sitcom and a stand-up special. HELL’S KITCHEN’s winner gets a restaurant. What does the winner of this show get, besides embarrassed children? A license to perform at mall openings?
Cruelty in these reality TV competitions has its place, as long as the intention of the show is to ultimately find and celebrate talent. Mostly, the contestants are people trying to skip a few steps in paying dues to get fame and fortune, so getting a little heat along the way sits fine with me. I believe this show, however, actually despises talent. When a woman performs a
song just like Dolly Parton, she is passed over because her talking voice doesn’t sound like Dolly. One guy doing Ralph Cramden reciting Shakespeare is brilliant and original, but the next guy who does Vinnie Barbarino as Romeo is a fool. The producers don’t want full tributes or talented mimics, they want shtick that will catch your eye for six seconds. If you find the Guinness Book of World Records compelling literature, then this is the show for you. On the other hand, it could be performance art and I’m too dense to glean the irony.
For the record, a guy doing Howard Stern is moving on. The aforementioned Madonna is moving on too, as is a Paris Hilton, a Roseanne Barr and a Gloria Estefan who went up on the words to her song, that’s how thin the talent here is. A Kenny Chesney and a Rodney Dangerfield as well. Personally, I was pulling for the Sean Connery without the Scottish accent, but what do I know about TV compared to this production company which, according to ABC.com, “has produced over a thousand episode [sic] of weekly entertainment, including the teen mega-hit, SAVED BY THE BELL.” Rumor has it that at least one of those “thousand episode” may have actually been good.
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