By Kevin McCarthy

I didn’t hate SURF’S UP. It’s far too innocuous to be the subject of derision. I’m sure it’s a godsend to those among us looking to entertain the little ones during the long summer months.  Still, Sony Pictures Animation’s latest is about as mind-numbingly safe a bet as you can cook up in the shadows of a constant barrage of high-profile summer blockbusters. As such, a collective groan swept the country when parents realized there was going to be another penguin movie out in June.

Did anyone really anticipate that penguins were going to become a legitimate subgenre of children’s entertainment? Is there any creature on the planet that can emote as poorly as this Antarctic bird? When the fad began with 2005’s MARCH OF THE PENGUINS, I was not as surly as I am today. I really enjoyed the Morgan Freeman-narrated documentary. There was a charm to the stoic emperor penguins in their dumb tenacity. But the follow-ups to this sweet movie have squandered my good humor. Six months ago, HAPPY FEET confirmed that penguins were in fact bankable, and so we’re treated with this predictable retread. 

SURF’S UP is a mockumentary following an underdog penguin on his quest to win the Penguin World Surfing Championship. Shia LaBeouf is the voice of Cody Maverick, a teenage runt who surfs better than all the other penguins in Shiverpool, Antarctica. In fact, he is the only surfing penguin in his ice-laden village, and is generally ostracized for his passion for play over work. When scouts visit Shiverpool, he proves his worth and wins a spot in the tournament. The event promoter, James Woods’ Reggie Belafonte, is a money-hungry Don King spoof. The perennial winner of the contest (and bland jerky antagonist) is Tank Evans, voiced by Diedrich Bader. Zooey Deschanel lends her voice to the love interest, lifeguard Lani. Jeff Bridges plays the Mr. Miyagi character, if you will.

In a word, the voice talent is unremarkable. These guys are all B-listers, and they’re not going to draw the same numbers as the names in HAPPY FEET. This is your basic paint-by-numbers underdog children’s story. The writers try to keep the older audience engaged with some adult gags à la SHREK, but they’re rarely anything more than mildly amusing. There are only so many life lessons I can tolerate before wanting to slice off my eyelids. Cody sacrifices the trophy to save his pal, and in so doing, learns the all-important moral: winning isn’t everything.  If my kid were to ask for SURF’S UP on DVD, I would smack him and sign him up for Little League*. 

This film is a disappointment. Given the mostly-positive critical reception, I was willing to set aside my prejudices and ride the wave. Instead, I wanted to shoot the curl up and die. Besides the silly premise, there really isn’t anything that differentiates this animated feature from the next. So generic, in fact, that the film at no time justifies the choice to make everyone penguins.  Honestly, if 2005 had seen a MARCH OF THE THREE-TOED SLOTHS, we’d be treated to this exact same movie starring arboreal mammals — except it’d be three hours long and the ICE AGE people would be filing a lawsuit.  It’s a shame, because I heard good things about Sony Pictures Animation’s 2006 efforts OPEN SEASON and MONSTER HOUSE. Not having seen those, I can’t say how SURF’S UP compares, but I’m confident enough to say I won’t be catching those anytime soon.

I will acknowledge that the animation in SURF’S UP is exemplary. As you would imagine, the water effects are extraordinary, and the scenery is gorgeous. Staying true to form, however, most penguins are indiscernible from one another. The mockumentary aesthetic is a welcome device that provides some unexpected laughs (okay, fleeting smirks) while managing not to intrude too often on the plot. In the end, whether you choose to see this movie or pass on it really depends on what kind of entertainment you’re looking for. SURF’S UP isn’t anything you haven’t seen before, so you’ll know better than I if this film is for you.  My advice is to wait for the next swell.

*Disclaimer:  I’m not a parent and I do not condone violence against children. But when I DO have a child, he better be the best damn southpaw in the neighborhood.