Monday, June 25, 2007 Rant Archive
After the likes of CHRISTINE, THE SHINING and MISERY, all of us hardcore Stephen King fans became Pavlov’s slobbering puppies whenever SK’s name was attached to anything. It could have been a TV show; it could have been a commercial; it could have been toilet paper for heck’s sake, we were hooked. But, then came the downward spiral that included some truly apocalyptic stinkers (none of which will be listed here ‘cos y’all know ‘em) and we bowed our heads and wept acrid, bitter tears.
The drought was long and hard and sent most of us scuttling for the comfort of our worn and dog-eared paperback copies of “Apt Pupil,” “Needful Things” and “The Dark Tower” series.
— pause —
Then came 1408.
— pause again —
Holy moly.
— last pause —
As I type this missive, a tottering hardback tower of SK teeters on the verge of oblivion at the edge of my desk.
Morgan Freeman makes a great God. In BRUCE ALMIGHTY, and again in the sorta-sequel EVAN ALMIGHTY, he plays the kind of deity that many people hope and — dare I say it — pray is running the cosmos: warm, witty, and with a certain joie de vivre that belies the Old Testament fire and brimstone. Many actors could play the Devil, but it takes a tremendous talent to play the Big Guy and not come off full of ego or too righteous for words.
Unfortunately, I just told you the best part of EVAN ALMIGHTY, a film that makes a serious effort to be a family-friendly comedy, but sacrifices the laughs to the desire to be innocuous. The plot is relatively immaterial, but goes something like this: Newly-elected Congressman Evan Baxter (Steve Carell) has just moved his family into a swanky new suburb as he prepares to take office. Things are going swell, until God (Morgan Freeman) shows up and tells Evan that he wants him to build an ark. As Evan displays a knack for hirsuteness and leading animals in pairs, many misunderstandings involving his wife (Lauren Graham), his faithful executive assistant (Wanda Sykes) and a shady senior Congressman (John Goodman) ensue, leading to a chance to put those boatbuilding skills to good use.
There is no show on television that infuriates me as much as ENTOURAGE; not GREY’S ANATOMY and its treacly melodrama; not HEROES and all its many characters; not even LOST and its drifting plotlines. ENTOURAGE is the most frustrating show on television because it holds so much promise, yet delivers so little.
Each episode feels thrown together; like the shooting script is a first draft. Every scene feels like a first take; all mispronounced lines, actors indicating their hearts out and awkward set-ups, with very little actual framing of shots. The writers aren’t even trying. It’s like a slap in the face.
Hollywood is a place where everyone is playing a game — constantly strategizing about how to get more, bigger, richer. The show feels best when a deal is on the table and Ari and Vince are maneuvering. The knowingness of the show is what the audience trusts. This is rooted in the fact that the viewer suspects that some of the absurdity of what goes on behind the scenes in ENTOURAGE’s Hollywood might be the real thing. (After all, we are about to get TRANSFORMERS, the movie.) But, lately the show has been so far-fetched; we know none of what goes on is possible. For example, no financier or producer would ever actually shoot a film in Colombia. The movie would be uninsurable. And, that’s when ENTOURAGE loses us. It’s not a parody, it’s a lie.
It’s the ultimate decision any band has to eventually make: Do you keep the dream alive, even though it means scraping by, or do you sell out in order to pay the bills?
In FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS, the “band” — and we use the term loosely, since the band consists of no more than the two main characters, Bret and Jemaine, a manager whose day job is with the New Zealand consulate, and a $6 box filled with $4.27 — finds itself at that crossroads.
Faced with the prospect of eating food they find on the street, Bret decides to get a job as a sign-holder. Actually, both of them apply for the job, but Jemaine isn’t hired because he has a bad attitude (when told he needs to work on his people skills, Jemaine snaps back, “Shut up!”).
So, the band is put on hold, mostly because Bret can’t make practice as he thrives in his sign job. He wears a suit to work — although it appears to be the same suit — every day. And, he talks on his new Bluetooth, even though he doesn’t know it’s supposed to be connected to a phone.
THE 4400 is one of those rare commodities in the television world: a summer hit. Not only is it a hit, it’s worthy of being put up against the — oftentimes overhyped — fall lineup on the major (non-cable) networks. In the first three seasons, writer-creators Scott Peters and Rene Echevarria brought us an amalgam of sci-fi, mystery and human drama, and from the looks of it, the fourth season will be much of the same. That’s what makes this show so compelling to watch. Better yet, the show provides answers to its mysteries along the way, as opposed to other sci-fi shows that never leave the viewer feeling satisfied … can anyone say LOST, or perhaps remember THE X-FILES?
In this week’s installment of THE 4400, Tom (Joel Gretsch) and Diana (Jacqueline McKenzie) are reunited when Diana comes back from her sabbatical in Spain, and they are on the hunt for a person who has the power to make people’s phobias come to life. The episode opens with scenes of people falling victim to some of life’s common fears — claustrophobia and a fear of clowns. (This is what makes THE 4400 so great! A fear of clowns? Come on, you have to admit the writers have tapped into everybody’s psyche and fleshed out a storyline that just about anyone can relate to. Well, at least anyone who’s seen POLTERGEIST can relate to it.)
I gave JOHN FROM CINCINNATI a shot. It looked like it had promise. Yet, it led me to the abyss. What did I do wrong?
I've reached a very important decision about HBO’s JOHN FROM CINCINNATI: This is a show probably best watched on drugs. Massive amounts of drugs. I figure under the haze of hallucinogens, the convoluted story lines may start to make sense.
(As a quick aside to the DEA, I of course do not use drugs — in part the reason I have been unable to figure out what’s going on here. Nor do I recommend the use of drugs — except for medicinal purposes and occasionally to figure out what David Milch is up to.)
We are now in episode three, the latter stages of Day Two. What have we discovered?
Mitch Yost (Bruce Greenwood), patriarch of the troubled surfing family, has levitated twice. We do not know why.
Young Shaun Yost (Greyson Fletcher), who was diagnosed with a broken spine and absolutely no brain wave activity, is miraculously cured when Zippy, a pet bird, kisses him. We do not know why.
Title character John (Austin Nichols) continues to talk in riddles and proclaim that the end is near. Only one person has figured out that something is wrong. Kai (Keala Kennelly), who works in the Yosts’ surf shop, asks him, “Has anyone called you slow, challenged?” But of course that isn’t the problem. There’s something else going on, but we still don’t know what.
“There’s here and out there, and out there nothing good can happen. Do you get me?”
That’s what Danny Brogan (David Morrissey) tells his wife, Evelyn (Lucy Cohu), about their new digs in the MEADOWLANDS, a development populated by Brits in the witness protection program.
But, the truth of the matter is that it’s not really safe for folks in the MEADOWLANDS, either. Even worse, it can be dangerous for viewers who get bored easily and haven’t moved sharp-edged furniture from the immediate viewing area. There was a point when I almost dozed off and my head nearly hit an end table. But, that’s just me.
Let’s talk about safety. In the premiere episode, handyman Jack Donnelly (Tom Hardy) gets his faced smashed in when he makes improper advances towards Brogan’s daughter Zoe (Felicity Zones). In this episode, he gets killed when he makes improper advances towards Brogan’s son, Mark (Harry Treadaway).
In a town populated by people in the witness program, everyone has secrets and nothing is as it appears. Take Mark for instance: He has ADD and autism, among the list of his problems. Now, it turns out he’s also a cross-dresser and possibly gay. When Jack runs to his house in search of Mark’s twin, Zoe, he finds Mark dressed as a woman and brutally attacks him.
Danny comes home, sees the attack and kills Jack. It’s graphic and loud and woke me from my snooze.