Some of you may be aware that Michael Bay and company held a contest that allowed fans of TRANFORMERS (a group known on the Internet and elsewhere as TransFans) to submit lines to be spoken by the Autobots and Decepticons in the movie. Yes, this film, derived from an ‘80s cartoon, has a die-hard fan base, and an ornery group at that. It’s become a bit cliché to ridicule such a group, especially with the Trekkies and STAR WARS fanatics crowding up cyberspace aplenty. But, it’s such a sweet moment when, as with the increasingly lame STAR WARS prequels, these dorky cash cows are treated to something truly terrible. And, as the insanely hokey one-liners spewed from Optimus Prime’s huge, vacant head, I relished in the fact that it was — in part — the TransFans’ fault. Not even the fact that they brought in the voice actor for WINNIE THE POOH’s Eeyore makes this crap comically tolerable. The two and a half hour-long CG-fest is like a miserable car commercial with dreams of becoming a real boy.
The plot of TRANSFORMERS is fitting for a Saturday morning season of cartoons — not a feature film. The Transformers once lived in peace on their own planet, where they protected a mysterious cube called the Allspark. The Allspark contains a great energy capable of bringing inanimate objects, such as electronic devices, to life. The Transformers were once the custodians of the device, and maintained a peaceful civilization. Until, of course, Megatron leads a faction of power-hungry robots intent on using the Allspark for evil. During the ensuing battle, the Transformer civilization is sent into ruins and the Allspark disappears into space, only to be discovered on Earth thousands of years later. That’s the whole plot.
With a strong performance from Ian McKellen, NEVERWAS comes very close.
Psychiatrist Zach Riley (Aaron Eckhart) leaves his fast-track Cornell job to take a position in a rundown, underfunded New England mental facility that housed his father (Nick Nolte) before the man took his own life. Zach needs to uncover the truth about the man that haunts his occasional sleep and find the reasons for his self-inflicted demise. Part of that journey is decoding a hugely popular fairy tale his father authored, “Neverwas,” the story of a magical land just beyond the mountains, with dark knights, good and evil wizards and a brave king who fights for his realm with the aid of a young boy named Zachary.
Despite solid supporting performances from Brittany Murphy and Nick Nolte, as well as a sincerely moving turn from Ian McKellen, the movie struggles to rise above the innate problems in the script.