By Matthew Wood

It’s pledge week, and our boy Rusty is learning some quick lessons in his first month at college. Among them:

— It’s OK to ask your brothers for help when you’re in a jam.
— You can mix schoolwork with fraternity life. It just means sometimes you have to cheat a little.
— Classes are never as hard as they appear, so don’t drop them unless you absolutely have to.
— Lastly, and most important, never fall asleep when all of your fraternity brothers are around. Bad things are gonna happen, man.

In poor Rusty’s case, he ends up with a pair of blue feet, a unibrow and — for reasons I’d rather not speculate about — a couple of holes cut in the butt of his pajamas.

Things could’ve been worse. I (vaguely ) remember  guys from my fraternity days getting their mattresses thrown out the window — sometimes with them still on them — and one poor pledge bastard getting hog-tied in the middle of the chapter room. But, those were the old days, and this is ABC Family, so Rusty’s hazing is what it is.

Speaking of hazing, Rusty’s sister (by blood, not fraternal order), Casey, is in some hot water of her own after making that bitch Rebecca Logan go above and beyond in the Zeta pledge scavenger hunt. Things get even worse when Rebecca bails the girls out of Panhellenic hazing accusations by having her senator daddy take care of things.

Now, Rebecca wants Casey’s big room in the house — and her boyfriend. But, Casey fights fire with some bitchy fire of her own, blackmailing Rebecca out of the big room and hopefully keeping the little brat in check for a bit. My advice: Let her have Evan (the meathead Omega Chi) and go back to ex-fling, Cappie, who is quickly becoming a father figure to little Rusty.

As for the schoolwork, Rusty has to make a decision we all have to in some form or another: Do you get your homework done, or do you play beer-pong in a big pledge showdown with the hated Omega Chis? Rusty ultimately makes the right choice by playing beer-pong, and winning, then getting his Kappa Tau boys to help pull the ol’ switcheroo with the big science pre-test.

It’s quick thinking, but it turns out the test was just a way to weed out the undesirables, and he didn’t really have to do the work after all. Yes, dear ranters, if you take nothing else from GREEK — which is not a bad show, but definitely has the stench of the Family Channel all over it — it’s that you should never do hard work unless you absolutely have to.

After all, there’s always a beer-pong game to be played somewhere on campus.