Monday, July 23, 2007 Rant Archive
As with any rock band, The Flight of the Conchords are feeling like their look is getting a bit stale. Of course, unlike most rock bands, these guys don’t actually have any “gigs” or “recordings” — or really much of anything to show for their work. However, that’s all about to change.
But first, Bret has to get over his feelings of self-consciousness after he’s told he looks too small during a photo shoot. Fortunately, it’s David Bowie to the rescue, as Ziggy Stardust himself visits Bret in a dream to offer career advice. Well, it’s actually Jemaine dressed like Bowie in the recurring dreams, which include the 1972 “Ziggy Stardust” Bowie, the 1980 “Scary Monsters” Bowie, and finally, the (shudder) 1986 Bowie from the movie LABYRINTH.
The Conchords are on the cusp of signing a big deal with a greeting card company to have their song play in a new musical card. But, Bowie’s advice (“do something outrageous”) backfires when Bret jumps on the card producer’s desk in the middle of their interview and shows off his lightning bolt-painted wanger at an incredibly inopportune time (well, I guess there really isn’t an opportune time to do that, but you live and you learn).
An alliance is blown apart. Evel Dick becomes Sensitive Dick. And, the girls are giddy at the thought of eating sweetbreads ... until they find out what sweetbreads are.
Last week, Nick couldn’t help but reveal his alliance with Mike, Zach and Kail to Daniele. Four minutes into this episode, Zach called the alliance dead. Then, Kail did the same. Later, they both admitted the alliance to HOH winner, Dick. What this makes me think is that Mike is wandering around the house, silently looking at everybody else as chumps for not being in his super-secret, unbreakable alliance.
After turning on Evel Dick and campaigning to get him evicted, Kail was in full reverse mode. Dick was having none of it, though. He pointed out that first she betrayed him, and now she was giving up her alliance to him — essentially betraying them to save her ass. Why should he trust her ever? Good point, Dick, and, this wasn’t the first time Kail displayed her “Yeeeaah … I hadn't thought of that” expression. As slack-jawed and dense as this group is, Kail might stand out as being the worst player.
Dick got his HOH room, complete with a baby picture of Daniele. Amber cried.
Later, Dick, Nick and Zach were out in the yard, and for some reason, Nick decided to tell these two that he has a top five list. Of guys. Look, he explained, it’s not gay. It’s just a list of really hot guys; five specific ones, that if they were gay and met Nick and wanted to date, he would do it. Nick further cleared this up by stating “I say a lot of homoerotic things.”
I walked out of the theater legitimately angry that I had volunteered to sit through this movie. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY is so terrible as to be mob-inducing. It’s a formulaic, shallow, lazy bore of a movie that I pray only gets released on laser disc. Honestly, film footage from this tasteless pap could have been featured in the brainwashing sequence in A CLOCKWORK ORANGE to great effect. If ever there was proof that Adam Sandler has squandered any semblance of comedic credit, it is this film. Go to hell, Little Nicky. Please.
I’m going to run through the plot to this one. Try to keep up. Chuck Levine (Adam Sandler) and Larry Valentine (Kevin James) are two Brooklyn firefighters. Larry is a widower and somewhat lacking father to his two children, Eric and Tori. Chuck is the local (unconvincing) lothario and Larry’s best friend. After a near-fatal episode where Larry saves Chuck’s life, the former begins to worry about the welfare of his children should his job claim his life. Larry then discovers a loophole by which he can make sure his children are taken care of, and he uses his leverage over Chuck to cajole him into joining him in a civil union. The “couple” is investigated for insurance fraud and lawyer Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel) is called in to defend them. The rest of the movie plays out exactly as you would expect it to — complete with gay jokes followed by tolerance speeches, deceived love interests, and of course, the final BIG DADDY-esque courtroom scene. CHUCK AND LARRY brings nothing new to the discourse or the genre. There is no emotional connection to the characters. Oh, and it’s not funny.
Remakes and I don't usually get along, but HAIRSPRAY is just too much fun. Before the opening number began, I was just hoping for was a good movie that didn’t ruin the original cult classic. Oh, and I was curious to see how spry John Travolta is in a fat suit. I did get a fun movie that is definitely more closely related to the stage production than the original John Waters’ movie, and John Travolta can really shake his moneymaker — even in the Edna suit. But, I’ll save Travolta and his moneymaker for later. I want to talk about the music.
You had better be a fan of musicals if you’re going to see this movie. It isn’t one of those lazy musicals that have a couple of songs here and there. The cast breaks out into song at least every five minutes. The opening number, “Good Morning Baltimore,” set the mood, and the pop-y good feeling didn’t let up for the majority of the movie. The only slow number is “I Know Where I’ve Been,” performed by Queen Latifah’s Motormouth Maybelle, but its spiritual feel doesn’t bring the movie to a grinding halt. Instead, it just mellows you out for a serious note. Unfortunately, that song — plus a protest that takes place at the local television station — are the only real serious notes in the entire film.
This version was definitely more about the music and entertainment; not so much about the message of race relations. John Waters’ original HAIRSPRAY has a very strong underlying theme of desegregation. In director Adam Shankman’s version, the story line is touched upon, but not really deepened, as in the original. I really did miss the whole “everyone getting along” message, but for a new generation that is simply looking for a good time at a summer movie, HAIRSPRAY definitely fits the bill.
In this episode, Tom (Joel Gretsch) and Diana (Jacqueline McKenzie) go on a search for a missing 4400, and Jordan (Bill Campbell) tries to convince Shawn (Patrick Flueger) to rejoin his messianic mission.
The power to know the truth behind some of the world’s most perplexing conspiracies is probably more of a curse than a gift; when the 4400 with this ability goes missing, it is up to Tom and Diana to hunt him down. But, is this more for his protection, or the government’s? Considering that most conspiracy theorists believe the government is behind some of the world’s worst tragedies, it leaves one to believe that the future sent him back with this ability to blow the lid off of some major cover-ups.Tom and Diana have grappled with moral dilemmas before, and tonight is no different.
This installment of THE 4400 showcases complex and realistic character development as well as anything else. The juxtaposition of Tom and Diana’s loyalty to job and country against their moral and ethical standards is both believable and entertaining to watch. After all, nothing in life is ever cut and dry, there are always shades of gray, and tonight’s episode proves that in spades.
Billy Walsh is proving to be more divisive when he's humble than when he's nuts. Will he be involved in the next project, or will Eric? Time for Vince to pick sides.
When credit is due, it must be given. Last week, ENTOURAGE was great. Ari was back getting the deals done, Turtle and Drama were the perfect clowns and Vince and Eric continued to navigate around the sharks. It was truly enjoyable.
Because of the inconsistency of the show’s last two seasons — usually marked by a decent episode followed by a dog — I was prepared for a letdown this week. However, when the show opens with Eric telling Ari to perform a specific sexual act, you know it's going to be good.
When Turtle asks who wants to go see his cousin Ronnie for a business opportunity, I actually got giddy. The plot laid itself out in the appropriate structure, especially when Drama announced he would go with Turtle, and I thought the writers (much maligned by me, I’ll admit) had finally figured out how to maintain the momentum they had so carefully built.
Eric won’t talk to loony director Billy Walsh, so the guys are ready to throw in the towel on dream-project-of-the-moment, LOST IN THE CLOUDS, if they can’t get another director. Ari makes the case that if they won’t work with Walsh now, it sends bad noise out on MEDELLIN, which they can't afford. “I parted the Red Sea,” Ari tells Eric, “Don’t piss in the sand.” That’s why he has been so missed recently.
There are many movies that have been saved by a wonderful ending. I was really hoping PREMONITION would be one of them. Unfortunately, I think it was more hindered by its “I give up” final act.
I personally have nothing against Sandra Bullock. I tend to like her in the occasional popcorn romantic comedy, and she did wonderful work in CRASH. But I — if I may be so bold — had a bit of a premonition about PREMONITION. The first preview I saw made me realize this would definitely be a video movie, and it is … in so many ways.
Bullock plays Linda Hanson, a housewife who finds out her husband, Jim (Julian McMahon), has died in a car crash. She spends the day just kind of going through the motions. Then, when the next day arrives, her husband is alive and well, eating breakfast and watching TV. Linda writes it all off as a bad dream, until the next day when Jim is dead again.
The secret behind Linda’s messed-up time line is exactly what propels the story. You’re just waiting to find out why this is happening to her. Little clues begin revealing themselves — things Linda cannot explain, and you’re just itching to know the answers. Then, the answers begin to reveal themselves, and you just stop caring.