By Su-Kim Lee

Based on the wacky book by Patrick Süskind and directed by Tom Tykwer (RUN LOLA, RUN), PERFUME tells the story of a smell-less child born to and abandoned by a fish monger on the slimy streets of 18th Century Paris.  Now, when I say smell-less, I don’t mean the kid can’t smell, I mean his body doesn’t emit any sort of odor whatsoever.  Perhaps this is where the saying “so he thinks his shit don’t stink” comes from.

With more of a Grimm Fairytale feel than a serious drama/horror movie, Perfume takes us on a twisted ride through the oddly named Jean-Baptiste Grenouille’s* life struggles as he strives to survive and eventually discovers his true calling – as a perfumer. 

Left for dead by his mum, JBG is spirited off to a lovely and benevolent orphanage a la Dickens where the children immediately attempt to smother this weird little thing.

As a youngster, JBG is sold to a tanner and through him encounters the former Master of the Scent, Giuseppe Baldini (Dustin Hoffman).  JBG forcibly apprentices himself to Baldini, learns the trade and finally puts his extraordinary schnoz to work.

Eventually, JBG comes to realize that the most amazingly intoxicating smell on the planet (as any recently pubescent boy will tell you whilst blushing down to his toenails), is that of a freshly scrubbed nubile beauty in the bud of her youth.  Whist in the heat of pursuit, JBG ‘accidentally’ suffocates his first discovery to death and spends an inordinate amount of time absorbing her scent into himself.  No, this doesn’t go so far as necrophilia, but still, it’s a wonder he can smell her over the filth that covers his clothing and self.

There’s a vague sort of frission that kept buzzing through my skull while watching this movie.  It’s got a lot in common with the Hannibal Lecter movies in style, substance and execution – take what you want, when you want it by any means possible.  The only difference is Grenouille is in pursuit of the perfect scent while le Docteur Gastronomique is a seeker of the perfect taste.

Sounds really cool and fun, but execution falls by the wayside for completely inexplicably reasons.

Once JBG leaves Baldini’s tutelage, there’s a confusing mélange of artistically posed dead nudes left all over the place that makes one wonder what the director was thinking.  Is the implication that the murderer wishes to show the world the women’s beauty even in death?  But then again, why kill them at all.

Okay, here’s the biggest problem and the dumbest reason for murder.  In order to obtain the scent of a lovely girl, JBG must smear her entire body with animal fat, thus absorbing her scent, then the fat is scraped off and distilled.  Ideally, the live girl should be relaxed and in a giving mood.  JBG states that differentiations in emotional state will effect a degradation in the scent to be obtained.  This is a completely unharmful procedure so why, oh why does it come down to murder!?  It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, especially when JBG has already stated that the emotional state of the subject is tantamount to success or failure. 

In short, Dustin Hoffman’s bored, Ben Whishaw is clueless, all the girls are “duh” and why or why did Alan Rickman (you’ll know him when ya here him) ascede to perform in this pusilamous farce of a shadow-shank?

Once again, we’ve got a visually stunning piece with fantastic set designs, costuming, sound design and locations which fails to deliver an interesting movie. 

*Grenouille = frog or toad in French