By Buzz Byrne

There is a tenuous separation between being a targeted player and a power-mad generalissimo. Dick has not fared well during his current run as HOH in the BIG BROTHER 8 house. I don't criticize because Evel Dick nominated my unitard-wearing, empty-headed angel, Jen. No, I am above that. The facts and the words of his daughter point to his weakness in letting his sense of martyrdom and righteousness cloud his game-playing judgment.
 
The pivotal moment came when Zach, Jen and Nick were in his HOH room, vacantly staring at the plasma screen that showed nothing but the other HouseGuests doing dishes and cleaning up from dinner. Watching people on TV who are watching other people on TV — who were there to be watched on TV — is a bit too Meta for me. This aside, Dick figured out who was in his room and the slow burn got whipped up into a furious firestorm. First, he tried to get Amber to go up and kick them out of his space. He almost ordered her to do it. When she begged off (I think she had to go cry about something), he went himself. Nick had already asked Zach and Jen to scram, so he was alone when Dick came in to tell them he wasn’t going to put up with their scheming in HIS SPACE!
 
Part of what makes Dick an appealing BB player is his straightforward approach and passion. The “Evel” is fine, but perhaps he should cut back on the “Dick” part.
 
Daniele came in and told him as much. I don’t think he heard her. They have a long way to go before they have the Hallmark moment everyone is meant to be hoping for.
 
One of Dick’s lousy moves was letting Mike get to him during the Veto Competition. Mike wrapped his horrible move of going after Dick in the concept of staying true to his original alliance with Kail. Great move, Mike. Jen won the veto, took herself off, Mike got nominated and the HouseGuests sent his butt home. Well, wait a minute. Kail did say the decision was in God’s hands this week, so it looks like the Almighty doesn’t much care for guys who love acai smoothies and TWO AND A HALF MEN. Hallelujah!!
 
The most highlighted move of the week was made by Zach, though. Book-ended nicely with his declaration that he knows how to play the game with a (oh-so smug) degree of subtlety, Zach was dared to streak to the pool. Zach stripped, asked his housemates not to steal his towel, ran naked to the pool and jumped in. I’m not sure it speaks well of Zach’s ability to look two or three moves ahead when the first thing everybody did, of course, was steal his towel and clothes.
 
This week, America’s Doofus (Player) had to vandalize darling Jen’s property as one of his assignments. He squirted mustard all over her pillow. Being the self-possessed dweeb that he is, Eric proclaimed that if anybody did that to him he would beat the living hell out of them. I think it’s pretty clear that the only abuse he has handed out is self-abuse. I guarantee he considers Jen kicking him in the naughty parts as “gettin’ some.”
 
While waiting breathlessly for the live vote, I was treated to two video profile segments. The first was on Daniele’s boyfriend of two years. TWO YEARS! First, they talk about the guy and then they show clips of Nick and Daniele touching and cooing. And, then we cut to Chris the boyfriend. Not a hot guy; kind of scrawny with a little flab and a permanently-plastered frown on his mug. He knows it’s over and he is destroyed but he can’t even approach that concept. He said, “I believe Daniele is my soul mate.” And, “There are some things [that she does with Nick] that hurt, but I trust her.”
 
Chris, Chris, Chris. We all know you aren’t getting a hotter girl than Daniele. Ever. But you needed to come on and get ruthless. End it without telling her. Say you did her best friend or sister or something. The only thing you have going for you is that Nick has decided to model his personal grooming in such a fashion as to look like John Waters’ steroid-abusing love child. Other than that you have to hope for some kind of natural disaster to keep these two from mugging for the camera.
 
The second profile was on Jen. Julie Chen and her hair introduced the piece by saying the HouseGuests describe Jen as “a vain, robotic bitch whose favorite word is 'I'.” But, is there more to her than that?”
 
No, Julie! She’s perfect! Why can’t you accept that? Why don’t you show America how you have step into your sweaters because they won’t fit over your enormous hair? If volumizing conditioner was food, you could end a famine. Leave my Jenius alone!
 
I won’t say who won HOH, but I will say that America’s Doofus almost won it by accident, and his throwing the competition was not a graceful act. Jerry Lewis watches this guy and says, “That’s not believable.” Bill Gates would give him a wedgie. Skywriters say he needs to learn the art of subtlety.
 
My bet is that Zach and Jen get nominated.