Friday, August 03, 2007 Rant Archive
I’m almost thirty, so maybe that’s why I found I HATE MY 30’S almost funny. The sets are bright, the pace is quick, and the actors are shiny and fun to look at. If only it was funny. OR maybe it is, and I’m just not quite old enough to get it. Am I missing something?
I would recap the plot, if I knew what happened. What I gleaned was this: Mandy’s sorority sister, Jenny is getting married, and Mandy is tired of going to weddings alone. So, she enlists, Kyle, the geekiest guy in her office to be her date, and makes him pretend to be a plastic surgeon with a gold Ferrari. As I was watching this all unfold, I kept thinking, “Mandy is so familiar.” Then it hit me; she played Jesse Bowers, the Bluth family publicist on ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. Then, I realized that I wished I was watching that, instead of I HATE MY 30’s.
Mandy’s officemate, Chad, is also invited to the wedding. He wants to bring Carol, his co-worker. They, I guess, do a recurring bit where she pretends they can’t be together, but “secretly” wants to be with him. It really bored me. Chad was sweet, and cute, and I didn’t understand why Carol had to make such a fuss. If it were FUNNY I would get it, but it wasn’t.
Ok. There were a few funny moments. The musical number, which was “Tell Me More” from GREASE crossed with “Don’t You Want Me Baby” by the Human League, was amusing, and actually sounded pretty good. And the Pokerdome was good for about two minutes of laughs. Tina Turner was awesome. So was, Travis’ Mel Gibson MAD MAX: BEYOND THE THUNDERDOME hair.
What is it that is so fascinating about restaurants? In KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL Anthony Bourdain writes about how he has seen tons of people get in to the restaurant business who have absolutely no business being there. On the show RAMSAY’S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES, Gordon Ramsay sets out to try to help those sad fools, before it’s too late.
On tonight’s episode he went to Liverpool to help rescue Morgan’s a bistro-type place run by a flakey mother and her blond daughters. They are one hundred thousand pounds in debt. The place was beautifully decorated; as well it should be, since Sandy, the owner was an antiques dealer before randomly deciding she wanted to be a restaurateur. The place, though beautiful, is, as Ramsay so aptly, and repeatedly describes it, shambolic.
The food sounds and looks terrible. The guy in the kitchen looks like Alfred E. Newman, and is completely unintelligible. One daughter is so status conscious she becomes offended when Ramsay delegates her the assistant manager. Then, as if to prove his point, she barely shows up for work the next day. And Sandy, who owns the place, buys all the food at four o’clock, just before the restaurant opens, from the local supermarket. The whole thing made me so anxious! I could barely stand it!
KITCHEN NIGHTMARES is such a better outlet for Gordon Ramsay’s talents the horrific HELL’S KITCHEN.
Based on the wacky book by Patrick Süskind and directed by Tom Tykwer (RUN LOLA, RUN), PERFUME tells the story of a smell-less child born to and abandoned by a fish monger on the slimy streets of 18th Century Paris. Now, when I say smell-less, I don't mean the kid can't smell, I mean his body doesn't emit any sort of odor whatsoever. Perhaps this is where the saying "so he thinks his shit don't stink" comes from.
With more of a Grimm Fairytale feel than a serious drama/horror movie, Perfume takes us on a twisted ride through the oddly named Jean-Baptiste Grenouille's* life struggles as he strives to survive and eventually discovers his true calling - as a perfumer.
Left for dead by his mum, JBG is spirited off to a lovely and benevolent orphanage a la Dickens where the children immediately attempt to smother this weird little thing.
As a youngster, JBG is sold to a tanner and through him encounters the former Master of the Scent, Giuseppe Baldini (Dustin Hoffman). JBG forcibly apprentices himself to Baldini, learns the trade and finally puts his extraordinary schnoz to work.
Eventually, JBG comes to realize that the most amazingly intoxicating smell on the planet (as any recently pubescent boy will tell you whilst blushing down to his toenails), is that of a freshly scrubbed nubile beauty in the bud of her youth. Whist in the heat of pursuit, JBG 'accidentally' suffocates his first discovery to death and spends an inordinate amount of time absorbing her scent into himself. No, this doesn't go so far as necrophilia, but still, it's a wonder he can smell her over the filth that covers his clothing and self.