By Buzz Byrne

Friends, loners, crackpots… I come to bury Dick, not praise him.
 
Things looked grim for my Jen. I picked her early on as my personal favorite in this game. She struck me as charmingly vapid and gleefully shallow. Her defenses were pedestrian and transparent. It was clear she need the warm embrace and gentle understanding of an angry writer on the other side of the country. Yes friends, I felt this all even before I found out she was in the LINGERIE BOWL ’06. I even mentioned this to my wife who rolled her eyes and told me to put the kids to bed.
 
Jen was too bright a star to remain within the meager confines of the BIG BROTHER household and now she can burn as bright as she needs to whether it be as a nanny or a swimsuit model. Now she can soar the skies of possibility, for tonight Jen was evicted. The vote was 0-6 and only five votes were cast. That’s how profoundly she was evicted tonight.
 
I made the point that this was a bad strategic move for Dick and Daniele- a team I had found myself squarely behind until tonight. They turned on my Jen for a number of spoken and unspoken reasons. Like most things in life the unspoken reasons held more weight than the spoken ones. Both made the case that Jen was disrespectful of the game because she so happily gave up half the prize money in a veto competition. Of course she was fighting for her life in the game and giving up half of something is better than getting all of nothing but that sort of logic isn’t part of this equation. Jen’s paper-thin claims of the money not being important were given more prominence in this silly round-about deduction than they deserved.
 

My Jen was stung by being backdoor-ed onto the eviction chopping block by Daniele and I don’t blame her. She realized immediately she was Daniele’s target. I think it was ultimately because Jen was the only one who had the guts to call Daniele on the carpet for cheating, or at the very least Lewinsky-ing with Nick.
 
It sucks to be called what you are on national TV when what you are is unfaithful. Daniele never forgave this.
 
And why did Jen so get to Dick? Could we have seen a glimpse into his twisted nonsensical emotional life when he ranted how crazy she was and he knew that because he dated women like her? Is it possible Dick might have unhealthy relationships with women? I mean there might be something to that given the only way he seems to relate to them is through intimidation and calling them “Bitch.” The man is middle aged and can’t maintain a conversational relationship with his daughter. We’ve all met these petulant losers. They hang on to attitude and image above personal interaction. They only see value in their self-involved world and project that loathsome trait on everybody else. They express themselves not to make connections but to vent their spleen like the babies they truly are.
 
It isn’t “Rock and Roll” and it isn’t cool. It is pathetic and boring. All thinking, feeling, reasonable people need to expunge these colicky miscreants from your spheres of concern. Go ahead and greet the rest of your lonely, sad life Dick. And when you get to the end, and you are giving the world the finger and you are alone, you can wonder, for the last blink why it seemed that the whole world was stacked against you. And for one last time, you can miss the point you loser.
 

Nobody puts my Jen in a corner.
 
Oh, and Eric, for your sniveling little quip as she walked out the door, the one you couldn’t be man enough to stand up and say right to the face of a girl, for that you are back to being a weasel. I would call you an anatomical part of a female weasel but my editors don’t think that’s nearly as funny or appropriate as I do. Lucky for you, weasel.
 
The blow ups were ugly this week. I knew it was going to be bad at the start of the episode tonight when Julie Chen’s hair-span clearly increased to the tipping point. Much like animals that can sense a natural disaster, it has become clear that the entity know as “Julie’s Hair” has a sense about drama in the BIG BROTHER house and grows on that energy. Another week like this and the hair will be co-hosting the CBS morning show and poor Julie will be a pile of dust.
 
But this is really a time to say goodbye to Jen. Sweetheart, you were the dimmest Jenius I have ever known and I will miss you.