By Buzz Byrne

Power duo Hall and Oates said it best when they soulfully sang:

“She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd
better learn how to face it
She's Gone Oh I, Oh I'd
pay the devil to replace her
She's Gone - what went wrong?”

This ranter is trying to move on in this hopeless world known as BIG BROTHER 8 without Jen. What went wrong indeed? For you, the loyal reader, I will try to put this behind me and deal with these worthless humps left on this desolate wasteland known as the BIG BROTHER house. The remaining houseguests are a detestable and boring lot. If it weren’t for Amber’s slow motion nervous breakdown there would be no point to watch at all.

So what did we learn about this vapid collection of vain gasbags tonight? Daniele is sick of her dad, Evel Dick, being all “Parent-y” with her, if Eric were going to Las Vegas he would lose all his money on the plane ride, Amber thinks she should be on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL and Jessica feels that shopping is really, like, a personal strength of hers.


I’m reeling with the thought of Amber having to face Ms. Jay but I have to stay focused. She made this revelation to her bestest God buddy in the house, Jameka. For her part, Jameka encouraged the delusion by telling Amber she could see her on magazine covers. Amber took a break from jamming fistfuls of Mr. Salty Pretzels into her face to agree. Later the two of them got into an “I love God” one-ups-man lather that was truly uncomfortable to witness. Eyes quivering, mindless mutterings and moaning and groaning that sounded none too genuine. I know this is how some earn a living in the Valley but rarely is the product on network TV primetime.

My Jen threw one last grenade over her shoulder on the way out of the house. She told Amber to tell Jessica the little secret she had on Eric. According to Jen, Eric has a girlfriend that he hasn’t told Jessica about. They are quite serious and have been for a number of years. And Jessica like, totally hates liars and cheaters. Totally! I’m not saying Eric is a poor poker player who reveals too much with his whiney, pinched voice or darting, dodgy eyes. No, I’m just saying Martin Short’s sweaty chain smoking lawyer character on SNL looks like Winston Churchill in comparison.

I don’t think Eric handle the “secret revealed” well, but I don’t think it will screw up his alliance with Jessica, whom he tried to get to talk a little dirty to him. A proper girl like Jessica wasn’t falling for his nasally charms. It takes more than that to crumble her values. It would take something extraordinary…like free clothes!


Which was the luxury challenge this week: a shopping spree. Winning the challenge involved a lot of nudity. A shopping spree was enough to get Jessica, the “I love God” twins and Daniele buck naked and flopping around in foam. I like that the producers are turning to foreign market fetish films for their inspiration. It’s definitely weird, but I like it.

But again, I return to missing my Jen. Who cares who Jessica nominated? Sure, she had the chance to drive the dagger into her chief competition but did she have the guts to do it? What do you think? America’s Player has to take his relationship with another houseguest to the next level and deliver a kiss. Will America have the guts to vote Zach as that houseguest? We can hope but that just won’t make it so. Just like we can wish for Jen to be back and winning and cooking turkey burgers like an over-inflated Norma Rae, but wishing doesn’t make it so either.

Le sigh.