By Curt Schleier

There are a lot of writers who could have given the same speech: William Faulkner, Scott Fitzgerald, even Elmore Leonard have all bad experiences in Lalaland.  But it wouldn’t have been the same as it is coming out of the mouth of Hank Moody (David Duchovny) at the start of this episode of CALIFORNICATION (Showtime, Mondays at 10:30 p.m.).

At a book store event, Moody talks about what happens after he wrote his best seller, God Hates Us: “That’s when Hollywood came knocking at my back door. As soon as I cashed that check I wrapped my lips around the mighty erection that is the film industry and sucked hard just like a good whore should.”

But Moody’s speech is interrupted by the man who brought God Hates Us to the screen (Tom & Katie star in A Crazy Little Thing Called Love) and the guy is mad.  He feels he’s being insulted, although I don’t see how any man would be hurt after being told he has a “mighty erection.”  Either does Moody, who assumes that the producer is ticked off because he found out that Hank screwed the guy’s wife “in every room of your house.”  Now I can understand the guy being a tad angry for that.

They fight and Moody lands in jail, only to suffer the indignity of being bailed out by his former girlfriend’s fiancé, Bill (Damian Young).  And that’s only in the first few minutes of this dark comedy that has also developed a keen sense of the absurd. 

Hank has also slept with Bill’s 16-year-old daughter, Mia (unaware of the relationship and thinking she was older), who has a bad habit of showing up at his apartment at inopportune moments.  Here she comes just as Hank’s latest, Meredith, leaves.  She’s late, she says. Hank says that’s impossible.  He wore protection.  For school she says.  That’s when Karen (Natascha McElhone) walks through the door. 


Hank still wants Karen.  They dated for a dozen years, had a child, but never made it official.  When they moved from the right coast to the wrong, eh, left coast, they split up, in part because of his unwillingness to commit.  Does Hank want her – or does he want what he can’t have?  Certainly the two seem perfectly matched. 
But, of course, that does not keep him from CALIFORNICATION with other women.  Hank was set up on a blind date with Meredith a couple of weeks ago, but insulted her.  A chance encounter at a restaurant allows him to apologize, something he does so well she forgives him.  I’m guessing she forgave him a couple of times that night.

Meredith is a smart, beautiful divorce lawyer trapped in a five-year relationship with a married man.  Hank tells her she deserves better and goes on a mission to liberate the dog given to her by Mr. Wrong.  She’d brought it over once when his wife was away.  When wifey returned unexpectedly, Meredith fled in time, but had to leave the dog behind.  Of course Married Man tells wifey he bought the dog for her.


Hank retrieves the dog while Mr. & Mrs. Wrong are Californicating (appropriately doggie style) and steals a painting on his way out.  The painting is for Bill.  Hank vomited on one of Bill’s expensive paintings last week when caught in a delicate situation with a party guest, so he thought it only appropriate to bring a new one – though he doesn’t mention that it is stolen.

In a professional non Brokeback Mountain way, I understand Hank’s (and therefore the show’s) appeal.  Beneath the veneer, there’s an almost childlike, up-for-anything innocence about Hank.  You want the dog back?  Sure, I’ll get it for you.  And it is the dichotomy between the two even more than all the naked breasts that keeps me coming back week after week.