Wednesday, September 26, 2007 Rant Archive
THE ROCK: The People’s Captain Marvel?
Mtv.com is reporting that former WWE superstar Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson may be jumping on the comic-book-to-movie bandwagon, having been approached to play a key role in DC comic’s upcoming Shazam! movie. The people’s ex-champ and master of the raised eyebrow is rumored to be courting the role of hero Captain Marvel, or (and more enticing in my opinion,) the hero’s archnemesis, Black Adam.
“Shazam, of course, I would love to play.” The Rock told MTV.com, “They approached me about [Captain Marvel] and [villain] Black Adam as well. We’ve been meeting for months. We’re toying with either one. I think it’s up to the fans. Without question.”
Well “Dwayne” you’ve got one comic-geek in your corner who would be A-ok with seeing you don Adam’s signature black tights, to knock the beegeezus out of man-boy Billy Batson (Captain Marvel’s human alter-ego, for you uninitiated heathens!) I’m even willing to overlook the fact that you’ve already mistakenly referred to the hero in question as Shazam: for those you who’ve never picked up a comic book, SHAZAM IS THE NAME OF AN ANCIENT WIZARD whom the meek Billy Batson calls upon to be transformed (via a flash of thunder and lighting) into beefcake stud Captain Marvel.
Several questions were left hanging at the end of Season Two on BONES. What happened after Angela and Hodgins fled their wedding ceremony? Will Zack go to Iraq? How is Brennan’s father dealing with prison?
Well, tonight we got the answers to virtually all of those. Angela and Hodgins (Michaela Conlin and T.J. Thyne) are trying to track down Angela’s mysterious husband whom she can’t remember because of a Fujian alcohol that left her memory amiss. Zack (Eric Millegan) did go to Iraq, and all the Squints are missing him terribly. Especially Brennan (Emily Deschanel) who has interviewed multiple replacements to no avail, and as a result, is spending more time in the lab instead of out in the field with Booth (David Boreanaz).
Still no word on how daddy dearest is dealing with prison, but I’m sure we’ll get around to him sometime this season.
The show opens with some teenagers’ driving home from a party when a skull bounces off a truck and lodges itself in the kids’ windshield. When the skull gets back to the lab, Brennan and Cam (Tamara Taylor) find human bite marks. Looks like we’ve got a cannibal on our hands. I must say this is a great way to start a season! Last season there were boneless bodies folded in boxes, melted bodies in tubs, but I truly think the cannibalized skull takes the cake.
Another one bites the dust!
Fox has pulled its new show NASHVILLE from its Friday night lineup after just two weeks, and zap2it.com
says it will be replaced with repeats of another new show, K-VILLE. Well, at least it lasted longer than ANCHORWOMAN, which was
canceled during its premiere episode. While Fox isn’t officially confirming it has cancelled the freshman show, they are saying, “upcoming episodes will be rescheduled.” I think we all know what that means though, especially considering how bad the ratings have been. I mean they averaged a 0.9 rating in the 18-49 demographic and only 2.4 million total viewers. That’s murder by numbers, in the entertainment industry. I don’t know when they are planning on “rescheduling” the show, but if it were really done at all, I would expect to see it sometime around 2 a.m. You know that’s actually not unheard of. There was a show that finished its season during that time period, last year. Of course I don’t remember which show it was, because obviously I – along with the rest of America – wasn’t watching it.
NASHVILLE was described as a somewhat unscripted show that followed country music wannabes around Nashville, while they tried to make a go of it in the business. It’s actually a pretty good concept, except for that somewhat unscripted part. What does that even mean? And really, do we need another show filled with a bunch of 20 somethings that look like they have all stepped out of the pages of Abercrombie and Fitch? The most frustrating part is the fact that the networks aren’t giving shows any time to catch on.
No matter how you feel about birthdays, everybody’s had at least one that really and truly sucked. As the new CW series REAPER fires up (yeah, yeah, bad pun alert), Sam Oliver (Bret Harrison) is having one of those really crappy birthdays; in this case, his 21st. He lives at home with his folks and his smarter little brother near Seattle, he works a loser job at a place that makes Home Depot look upscale, he’s too chicken to ask the girl of his dreams (Missy Peregrym) out on a date, he seems to have developed the ability to move objects with his mind randomly, and he has to go home from work because he was chased out of the store by a pack of Hellhounds.
Hellhounds? Yep, that’s right: Hellhounds. It turns out that Sam’s parents sold his soul to the Devil (Ray Wise), to be collected on Sam’s 21st birthday. What kind of screwed-up birthday present is that? Anyway, Old Scratch has turned up to collect, which does absolutely nothing to help Sam’s mood. But it’s not all bad: The Devil actually wants Sam to collect escaped souls and send them back to Hell by dropping them off at a portal, like the DMV. All my suspicions are now confirmed.
To quote The Simpsons: “In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.” Such is the premise of Cane, a new CBS drama trying hard to fill that ethnic family/criminal enterprise void left unfilled in a post-Sopranos world. There are slight differences of course: this time around the family business is a mostly legitimate sugar and rum empire run by patriarch Pancho Duque (Hector Elizondo,) his sons Frank (Nestor Carbonell, still in need of eye-shadow reduction,) Henry (Eddie matos) and son-in-law Alex Vega (a beefed-up Jimmy Smits.)
The pilot episode stufss the stage with many drama-down-the-line setups when the Duque family’s old business rivals the Samuels proposition the Cuban clan to sell their sugar cane/rum business. Indulgent playboy Frank is all about selling—probably because he’s humping Ellis Samuels (Rome’s Polly Walker, reprising her succubus role.) As the eldest son Frank thinks that he is the shot-caller; however Alex is unconvinced that selling is the way to go. In his mind, the Samuels want the business because they are aware—as Alex is aware—that the U.S. government is leaning towards sugar over ethanol as the fuel source of tomorrow. The Duque family is poised to be the next oil-tycoons and ambitious Alex is not willing to give that up.
Before we delve into tonight’s premiere of BOSTON LEGAL, let’s take a little look back, shall we? Ok, so last season Alan (James Spader) and Denny (William Shatner) fought over who would get Shirley (Candice Bergen), in the biblical sense that is, Denny was torn between a little person and her mother, Brad (Mark Valley) and Denise (Julie Bowen) got married during the birth of their child and Denny managed to maintain his perfect trial record. Wow, that’s one busy law firm, and entertaining I might add. So with all that going on last year, where can these wacky characters go this year? If I know David E. Kelley, and by the way I don’t, plenty.
Tonight we saw the entrance of new character Carl Sack (John Larroquette), who was introduced as current lawyer and old nemesis of Denny Crane, and as we found out in the last scene, current paramour of Shirley. Oh the fun I’ll have watching these three interact. And that interaction starts off with a bang, as Carl is brought in to defend Denny who has been charged with soliciting a prostitute. Oh Denny, you should have worked things out with Bethany (Meredith Eaton). Meanwhile, Alan must defend Shirley, when a major university sues her for reneging on a donation. These people just can’t seem to stay out of trouble, but that’s what we all love about them … right? Well that and the fact that they all seem to be just a little bit crazy.
Watching the Season 3 premiere of CBS’ The Unit made me wonder why I don’t watch The Unit more often. I’m a fan of 24 and The Unit plays much like an episode of 24—only, you know, when 24 was still in its prime. Plus, both shows star Dennis Haysbert, to whom I will affectionately refer as “President Palmer” pretty much forever. Let’s just say I’m still trying to get caught up with this show.
So naturally my recap of the season 3 opener, entitled “Pandemonium, Part One” may be a bit sketchy when it comes to the details—but hey, that’s what reader rants are for. Tear me a new one. Here goes:
The season picks up soon after The Unit has learned that their…unit is disbanded. To make matters worse each member is facing charges for the very same missions they were once sanctioned to carry out. Team leader Jonas (Dennis Haysbert) is on the run in Panama; Bob is on Jonas’ trail, now working under the direction of the CIA; Grey is watching Jonas’ back; Mack and Hector are both locked up in prison; in Washington Col. Ryan pleads with a Senate committee, trying to clear the Unit’s name; all while the wives try to keep it together on the home front.
Distrust. Transmutation. Structural collapse. Extraterrestrial communication. It must be autumn in Eureka, and there’s all sorts of shaking going on. Honestly, while EUREKA has not lost its charm, it sometimes seems like the writers are purposely trying to find as many ways to threaten the town as humanly possible. This week’s sojourn takes a little darker turn than normal, as the mythology gets a little bit of an update, and the unmistakable sensation of battle lines being drawn sinks over our favorite super-genius Pacific Northwest town. The fact that this week’s episode is the first part of the two-part season finale likely has something to do with that.
There’s a sense of romance and new beginnings in the air as the episode opens. Deputy Jo (Erica Cerra) and Zane (Niall Matter) are falling in love, while Sheriff Carter (Colin Ferguson) is finding a new lease on dating with the lovely young dry cleaner in town. Even Allison (Salli Richardson) and Stark (Ed Quinn) are getting along better, united in their concern for Allison’s son Kevin and his growing interconnection with the Artifact. Only Henry (Joe Morton) is looking less than happy these days, now that his access to his old girlfriend’s research has been revoked … and it looks like Carter’s around to take the blame. Whee!
Ellen Parsons (Rose Byrne) is really having a crappy life right now. In the present timeframe, she’s sitting in Riker’s Island, arrested in the murder of her fiancé David (Noah Bean), and wondering where the hell she’ll get $1.5 million for bail (or at least the 10% needed to spring her loose). In the past timeline, where the bulk of DAMAGES takes place, Ellen and Patty Hewes (Glenn Close) are fighting an uphill battle with a suit wherein their prime witness Gregory Malina (Peter Facinelli) has vanished from mortal ken.
Meanwhile … Remember that mysterious badass (Peter Riegert) who’s been floating around? He’s a former SEC investigator, who was the point man on the first investigation into Arthur Frobisher (Ted Danson) and who seems to have decided that evil flat out pays better. There’s about two characters in this show that only play for one side; I’m still not sure just who they are, but I’m pretty clear on who they’re not. At least, this episode.
Despite the swirling vortex of b.s. that surrounds the characters and situations, this is the first episode in the series where it feels like things are narrowing to a point instead of spreading out into an all-encompassing entanglement of lies. The gaps between the timelines are narrowing, and there’s a sense of convergence between the plots. More to the point, Ellen has finally been allowed to become the character she’s been set up to be; Byrne has slipped in the flash and steel that everybody kept saying was there all along, and it’s a welcome change.
Season three of HOUSE M.D. ended with Gregory House’s team leaving him behind. Some willingly and some not (hello Chase).
Season four opens with a building collapsing. This show loves puns almost as much as medical mysteries. Could it be a “House” that is really collapsing? Please, the man survives on opiates and bile. He made it through guest shot run-ins with Chi McBride and David Morse. This House is built on a sturdy foundation.
But onto the story. After fighting with his girlfriend over the cell phone from the parking lot, the boyfriend calls her back at work and apologizes. It seems fine until her building crumbles and crushes her. Miraculously he pulls her from the rubble. Once under medical treatment though, her problems really begin.
Chief of Staff Dr. Lisa Cuddy is back, of course, as determined and beautiful as ever (House, you scoundrel, she doesn’t deserve your barbs! If you treated her that way in front of me, why, I would snap your cane…and she would still harbor that secret desire for you). She puts House on the case but insists he needs to assemble a new team. Can you see the set up rolling down the middle of the street? House counters that he is fine on his own. The compromise is that if he can successfully treat this woman alone, he can remain alone.
You can only keep the game show out of the reality show for so long. Tonight was a temptation challenge where the obese contestants are forced to sit in a room for four minutes with every imaginable bad food choice. Think: if you had to make a meal out of the food at a 7-11. Whoever consumed the most calories would win a prize of a three pound pass at the next weigh-in.
Whoever ate the most got rewarded. Yeah, so much for the good natured positivity of the show, time to watch some tubbos get their feedbags on. Red team didn’t give in to any temptation. Black team got next to zero screen time- they’re still the bastard stepchildren of this show. But Blue team went crazy.
Apparently they decided ahead of time that if there was an eating/reward challenge then Neil was going to take one for the team. He gorged himself on fries and M&Ms, stuffing as much down his gullet in the allotted time to the tune of 1700 calories. Way to go!