By Michelle Lerner
After the binge and purge of the first episode’s two mass eliminations, the second episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL’s ninth season got down to business but quick. And a business-like season it will be!
The cardinal rule of ANTM is that whatever Tyra wants, Tyra gets. This season Tyra wants two things: to do her part for the environment and to see to the health of impressionable young women everywhere. The contestants take the environmental bit well-- they get a tricked out biofuel bus out of it. The only inconvenience going green is going to cause them is that they won’t get to take long showers. (Tyra has posted helpful little tips about how to reuse, reduce, and recycle all over the house.)
The health thing doesn’t go down quite so well. The first photo shoot is a rather complicated one. The girls have to pose glamorously with a cigarette in hand for one part of the shot and get hideously made up for the second part, in which they are supposed to look like the side effects of smoking. Mila, who if she were a despot would be called the relentlessly cheerful, giggles rightfully through the exercise. I had a sneaking suspicion this was all going somewhere, and it does.
At THE panel Tyra tells the girls that they are now role models and spouts a remarkable fact. When she was a model 98% of models smoked or had once smoked. Is that a New York Times/CNN poll statistic? Methinks it was generated by the fact finding organization "Tyra Against Tobacco", a non-for-profit of course. Either way, I guess the intent is admirable since those girls all smoke like chimneys. It was also worth it to see the horrified looks in their eyes. Jenah looks particularly appalled. She had just told the judges that she quit smoking the second she got back to the house after the shoot, and I don’t know about you, but it was just so obvious to me that she was lying. She’s one to watch. She has personality issues.
Speaking of personality issues, the feuding started early this season. Usually it takes a couple weeks for the girls to realize who sucks and who doesn’t, but for some reason, Bianca HATES Lisa. My theory is that Lisa is clearly a front-runner at this stage. Sure, she’s an exotic dancer but that actually works in her favor. She is not only very elegant looking, (she looks like a young JENNIFER BEALS, not to date myself,) but also knows how to move beautifully. Bianca smells success and nips after it.
And continuing the theme of personalities, Heather’s is shaping up to make this a very interesting season. She’s got the Aspbergers, remember? One of the symptoms of the disease is that it makes her socially awkward. Kimberly eschews her, believing that Heather will cling to her. Asperbergers kids don’t cling though, that’s part of what’s weird about them. They live in their own worlds. And Heather’s strangeness gives her a distinct competitive advantage. She doesn’t lie or fake things, and she doesn’t know how to hide behind a façade of friendliness, like the other girls—calling Mila and Chantal-- do. That honesty shows up in her face. Combine that with the fact that she doesn’t have a bad angle and she is weird force to be reckoned with.
The other modelestant that comes out on top tonight for me is Victoria. A lot of times the smart girls go on ANTM with something to prove. They bang on and bluster and end up thinking too much. (KIMBERLEY, the Wesleyan Lezzie, from cycle 5 is a prime example.) Victoria bides her time and plays it by ear. She doesn’t pretend to be what she’s not. She thinks and tries. That might keep her around for a while. But who knows. Tyra is a fickle mistress of fate.