Tuesday, October 02, 2007 Rant Archive
Dust off your old hockey masks, because Jason is coming back to a theater near you. That’s right,
zap2it.com says “the studio that previously rebooted the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE franchise has found two writers, Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, to bring FRIDAY THE 13TH back to life,” so to speak. Just what we all needed, another horror movie; ok, so FRIDAY THE 13TH is the grandfather of all other movies in its genre, but I’ll take a bone-chilling, bloodless fright fest over violence and gore any day. Take for example, the 25th anniversary re-release of POLTERGIEST. Now there is a scary movie. The only thing scary about watching Jason lumber around is wondering when I’ll see the next blood bath.
Don’t get me wrong, I love scary movies, but movies like this are about as scary as waiting for your older brother to jump out of the closet and surprise you. That’s really the element of fear utilized in these films … surprise. You know like surprise I just cut your head off with an ax, or surprise I just jumped out of the bushes and plunged a knife into you. When I think of scary, I think of voices from the great beyond talking to you through your TV set, or seeing filmy apparitions flying around the room. There’s nothing scarier than believing your dead aunt Ida is communicating with you through your toy telephone. Actually that was the premise of a TWILIGHT ZONE episode. Now today’s moviemakers could learn a thing or two from Rod Serling and Alfred Hitchcock; those men new how to do scary.
It’s official, America loves to dance, or at least we love to watch other people dance. Zap2it.com
says “ DANCING WITH THE STARS earned a 12.7/20 for ABC, which helped earn the network an easy win in the ratings war for Monday night.” This really comes as no surprise, since the show has continued to make a steady rise in popularity from the first season to now. At first glance, I thought the show would go the way of PIRATE MASTER. I mean who wants to see washed up celebrities prance round the dance floor? As it turns out, millions of people do. The show owes a huge debt of gratitude to Evander Holyfield, for my money. He was the first mega athlete to have the courage to put on their dancing shoes. Thanks to him, others like last year’s winner, Apolo Anton Ohno and Lailla Ali, have been willing to follow. And now that the show is such a huge hit, they have celebrities coming to them instead of having to chase them down.
This season has people like Jane Seymour, Marie Osmond, and the standout thus far, racecar driver Helio Castroneves. Between him and that Cheetah Girl, this should be an entertaining and very competitive year. These two came out of the boxes already looking like professionals. And that begs the question, is the show recruiting people who are too good right off the bat? Part of the fun of the show is in watching celebrity’s crash and burn. Who can forget Master P, who refused to slip on a pair of dancing shoes choosing to keep his sneakers on instead? Not only that, he didn’t take the show or practice seriously, which was bad for his poor partner, but it was some of the best TV I’ve every seen. Then there was Billy Ray Cyrus last year who, bless his heart, gave it his all but just had two left feet.
Just when we thought Britney Spears couldn’t slip any further into the dark well she’s plunged herself into, she did. After being warned to shape up,
zap2it.com is reporting that “Commissioner Scott M. Gordon stripped Spears of custody of her two young sons, ordering her to hand the children over to her former husband, Kevin Federline, at noon Wed (Oct 3).” You know, watching Britney shave her head bald and stumble through a disastrous performance at the VMAs was mildly entertaining; It was kind of like the morbid curiosity we all have with looking at car wrecks. But this latest incident proves just how deeply troubled this former pop princess really is.
It would have taken a lot to make Lindsay Lohan look like she just had a little drinking problem, and Britney sure achieved that. I don’t know what was in the air this summer, but these girls just went off the deep end. With Paris Hilton going to jail and a pregnant Nicole Ritchie barely escaping it, it makes you wonder if having all that money and fame is even worth it. I suppose they aren’t the best examples to judge that by, but there have been plenty of other young stars who were given too much too soon and went down the same path … anybody remember Robert Downey Jr.? However, at this point, I believe Britney is going through some very serious mental health issues, so I can’t even put her in the category of party girl. It’s more like the category of sick and in desperate need of help girl.
By Curt Schleier
This episode of WEEDS might best be describes as a transitional one. That’s a nice way of saying it’s disappointing. The little that does transpire is really just a set-up for the next few episodes.
Andy Botwin (Justin Kirk) has the funniest lines. He’s catering a porno shoot at an unoccupied house in the Majestic development – that’s evangelical real estate. After some begging, he gets a role in a film using his unusual toe arrangement. Clearly, the director knows the value of the foot fetish market, but to a point. After filming three foot shorts – that’s the subject matter not the length of a piece of underwear – he’s dismissed.
He feels used and let’s the director know: “You took something beautiful like Jenna’s beautiful vagina and made it just a place to put a foot. You need to so some soul searching, my friend. This whole industry does. It exploits, it dehumanizes, it degrades men.”
What can you say after that but “Hallelujah”?
That however is the high point of the show. Nancy (Mary-Louise Parker) spent most of the episode following Valerie Scottson, the widow of Pete, the crooked cop she’d been dating. To what end? I presume we’ll find out next week.
Her younger son Shane (Alexander Gould) touches his first boob; it belongs to Isabella Hodes, Celia’s (Elizabeth Perkins) daughter. Ironically, Celia has her first sexual encounter since reconstructive surgery following a mastectomy. It’s with the slime ball Sullivan Groff (Matthew Modine), but he surprisingly handles it like a mensch.
With U-Turn gone to gangsta heaven, Nancy will have to deal with Heylia James (Tonye Patano), who is making life difficult. But Nancy is nothing if not a survivor.
Hopefully, we all will, at least until next week, when the series returns to form, he said optimistically.
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME has received some good reviews. Critics have used expressions such as sharply-edged internal psychological drama. To which I say baloney.
Actually, baloney was not the exact word I used, but with so many children surfing the net now, I prefer to modify my original words for the print (rather than oral) version of this review. I for one am tired of seeing or reading about self-absorbed couples unable to deal with the complexities of modern life. So they drown their troubles in self-pity, refuse to move on with their lives and see therapists.
That’s not to say that therapy doesn’t have it place in the modern pantheon. But, therapy isn’t an excuse to keep from dealing with simple problems – and it certainly isn’t an excuse to air a poorly conceived show – even one that has great sex scenes.
Consider Carolyn (Sonya Walger) and Palek (Adam Scott), who are in their 30s and have been trying to conceive for over a year. They’ve just discovered that neither has a physical problem that might account for their inability to have children. So Carolyn is probably a tad optimistic when she goes to the drug store to purchase a home pregnancy kit. Rather than wait (as was the custom) to take the test with Palek nearby, she goes to the drugstore bathroom. When the results are negative, Carolyn goes ballistic on the fixtures and rushes down to her husband’s job site to start a fight.
Peter Petrelli (Milo Ventimiglia) is in Ireland with a wiped memory. Monhinder Suresh (Sendhill Ramamurthy) is in Haiti curing The Haitian (Jimmy Jean-Louis). Claire (Hayden Penettiere) is cutting off body parts. Maya and Alejandro (Dania Ramirez and Shalim Ortiz) are sneaking into Mexico. Matt (Greg Grunberg) is questioning Angela Petrelli (Cristine Rose) about the murder of Mr. Nakamura (George Takei). And Hiro (Masi Oka) is rescuing beautiful women in a completely different century.
It’s another action-packed week on HEROES!
Peter has been moved out of the storage container on the docks and into a seedy dark room where he’s getting his butt whooped by three thugs. The beating doesn’t help Peter’s memory, and finally they give up. A few hours later, in comes Caitlin (Katie Carr), the beautiful sister of Irish Thug Number One Ricky (Holt McCallany). Caitlin cleans up Peter to discover he has nary a mark on him, and then when she leaves him alone, he turns on his phasing powers and gets out of his ropes. Looks like three powers are up and running. When Caitlin is being accosted by two guys in the bar, we find out that powers four, five, and six are working as well when Peter shoots lightening bolts at one guy, tosses a gun across the room with his mind, and tosses a guy across the room with his super strength.
So, last week Michael (Wentworth Miller) saved Whistler (Chris Vance) from being killed by every other man in the prison. You’d think these two would’ve made some sort of bond in the three days they’ve spent together. No such luck. They’re both curious and wary of one another because Michael doesn’t know what The Company could want with Whistler, and Whistler has no idea why Michael would even want to help him.
Well, we know why Michael is willing to help. Because Sara and LJ (Marshall Allman). are being held hostage. And if you didn’t know it from the last two episodes, you would definitely know it from this one. I don’t think two minutes passed this whole episode without Michael mentioning how much he wanted to see, speak, or just daydream about Sara. In the course of one episode, Michael has gone from determined and scheming to whiny and forlorn all because of a proof of life picture Lincoln (Dominic Purcell) brings him. Yes, I understand that he’s in love with Sara. I understand that he hates being away from her and being helpless against saving her, but really, it’s very much out of character for Michael to become a whiner who just lurks in corners grasping her picture.
And while I’m on my little tirade, can I just say that a new way to not show Sara’s face has got to be worked out. Sarah Wayne Callies has left the show this season because she’s a new mommy, and TV Guide reported that the producers were looking for creative ways to still have her character in the show. Well, seeing the back of Sara’s head as she and Michael talk on the phone isn’t exactly creative. They could’ve just had a graphic on the screen screaming “body double” if they wanted to be less obvious.
By Jennifer Larson
Even after everything he went through last week, Dan (Kevin McKidd) still doubts his time travel experiences. Actually, if my family and friends found it easier to believe that I was a drug addicted loser than a time traveling hero I might second-guess myself too. However, I kind of thought that was all worked out at the end of last week’s episode, when Dan cleverly proved to his wife Katie (Gretchen Egolf) that he was indeed being thrown back in time by digging up her new wedding ring from under their deck. He buried it there while he was in the year 1997, in order to show his wife proof of what he was doing. That’s just one of the confusing plot twists on this show. I have to say that I’m still on the fence with this one folks. It’s such a good premise and has so much promise, but they just haven’t established the characters and plotlines in a cohesive manner. Granted, it takes a few weeks to really bond with these new people, but they threw so much at us during the premiere, that I didn’t feel there was enough time to really get to know these characters or what their motives were.
Our main character seems a little confused as well. He decided to get an MRI, to rule out the possibility of some kind of medical condition. I guess I would do the same thing. I mean what’s more likely, a tumor or the ability to throw yourself throughout time? Unfortunately – or fortunately depending on how you may feel about it – Dan takes another trip through time, while on a plane with his wife. Yes, it was back to the time of Casey and the Sunshine Band and hot pants for flight attendants – or stewardesses as they were called back then – for our guy Dan. He seems a bit more comfortable with the whole thing, this week. I’m guessing he never really believed his travels were medical related. Of course this latest trip proposes quit a problem in his year.
With all the new security rules regarding flying, it does not bode well when Dan walks into the bathroom never to come out. This leaves his wife, Katie in a very uncomfortable position, as she has to answer for his disappearance to airport security. Unfortunately, that puts a damper on their baby making plans, which was the reason for the trip in the first place. Ironically, Dan and his wife were going on this trip to make a baby of their own. It’s ironic because the purpose for his latest adventure was to deliver a baby on that plane in the 70s. Of course the fact that Dan’s ex, and supposedly dead fiancé, Livia (Moon Bloodgood), keeps showing up whenever Dan is sent on one of his trips could put a little hitch in the baby getty up as well. Carrying a torch for the time traveling love of his life, could seriously mess with this guy’s marriage. But the fact that his ex is time traveling as well has to be put on hold – yet again – because it appears that Dan is following the mother and child he helped through different periods of their lives.
And from the looks of things, he better hurry. Being an investigative reporter in his normal life, Dan has the knowledge needed to research these people he keeps being sent to help. It appears that the single mother on the plane has prematurely died. But that doesn’t mean he’s being sent back to save her. As we saw last week, things aren’t always what they seem. Take for example the fact that Katie and Dan knew each other for years before they got together, because she was dating his brother Jack (Reed Diamond). Wow, this is really a tangled mess, isn’t it? Honestly, I don’t know that his show needed another twist, but there you go. And now that she and Dan are having so many marital problems, it begs the question of whether she chose the right brother.
At least Jack isn’t roaming around time trying to get a motherless child to give her bone marrow to the man who refused to acknowledge he was her father. Yep, it looks like that is the point to this weeks episode of JOURNEYMAN. Life is certainly messy, but being born to a single mother who ends up dying too young, and then being callously rejected by your absent father is pretty painful stuff. But thanks to Dan, father and daughter get a second chance right before the father dies. Now trying to work on his own life, well that may take more than a few trips back in time.
By Matthew Wood
It’s the oldest trick in the books. Just pretend you’re from out of town, and the ladies will be fawning all over you in no time.
At least, that’s what Ted (Josh Radner) and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) think after seeing Robin’s new Argentinean boy toy Gael (played by Enrique Iglesias, who makes a cameo for a second straight week – more on that in a bit) getting all sorts of attention from the female persuasion.
Unfortunately for the boys, they pretend they’re from the south and not some exotic foreign country. All that gets them is a couple of skanky girls from New Jersey. Not cool.
Meanwhile, newlyweds Marshall (Jason Segel) and Lily (Alyson Hannigan) have their first fight over how heartfelt their letters to each other are in case the other one dies. This proves yet again how much of a struggle it is to maintain a life-long loving relationship based on trust and mutual respect. It also proves how boring it is to watch a married couple fight over nothing.
In fact, you could pretty much say that about the entire episode. Just not a whole lot to it, and not nearly enough solid laughs to keep my attention. And what are we doing with the whole Enrique Iglesias thing? This is the second straight episode he’s been a guest star, which has been promoted heavily by CBS as part of its new fall lineup chock full of special guests. But here’s the thing: A couple of special guests will only take you so far when you’ve got crappy shows that nobody watched in the first place.
And isn’t it a coincidence that the music from his new album has been featured on each of the last two shows? I’m not sayin’ that’s the only reason he’s on the show … I’m just sayin’.
I don’t mean to lump HIMYM with the rest of the crap that comes out of this second-rate network, because I really think it’s a high-quality show. But you gotta come stronger than this.
One of the few saving graces comes near the end of the show, when Robin – who is dealing with life after trip to Argentina to meet said musician/bad actor Iglesias -- has a dream that she’s about to make out with her “vacation” self. But then she wakes up to a group of Australian drifters that Gael has invited to stay with them playing the bongos. She later tells Barney that she had another dream with her other self, only she went all the way this time. Barney’s left to fill in the blanks, and so are we. But will we care enough to want to?
It’s been a long time since I’ve been fishing, so I don’t know the etiquette for catching corpses. Do you have to throw them back if they’re a certain height, or is it whatever you get? Is there a limit? New Orleans officers Marlin Boulet (Anthony Anderson) and Trevor Cobb (Cole Hauser) probably know the rules; they and their colleagues seem adept enough at catching them. In fact, as we join the boys’ latest adventure in progress, a fairly fresh one has just been reeled in: a former district attorney and local mover and shaker. The one piece of evidence they find is a broken fingernail, which leads to a well-known brothel run by a tough-ass madam (Adrienne Barbeau).
Boulet and Cobb do some knocking on doors and find a possible witness, but get their questioning shut down by Captain Embry (John Carroll Lynch), who seems to know this girl a lot better than perhaps he should. Despite getting stonewalled at every turn, Boulet and Cobb keep pushing, and discover links between the dead lawyer and the leader of a Latino gang across town. What the hell does all this have to do with a near-abandoned neighborhood or two? Our favorite N’Awlins boys in blue find out, and just in time to help Embry deal with a home invasion by some motivated gangbangers.
This show just keeps getting better every time I watch it, and that’s because the show really focuses on character. This episode, despite having one of New Orleans’ dead spots figure prominently in the plot, could really happen anywhere. The real focus, and the real point, is the damaged relationships that Captain Embry has with his daughter and his daughter surrogate, the aforementioned hooker. Lynch makes good use of this opportunity to show his acting chops, and it’s always welcome to see the burly character actor, likely best known for FARGO and his recurring role on THE DREW CAREY SHOW, do his stuff.
THE SIMPSONS: After an injury involving an open grave and too much dirt going down his gullet (oh, don’t ask), Homer makes a discovery: As long as he’s lying on his back, he has a beautiful singing voice. Recruited by the hospital to calm patients with his singing, Homer finds himself in demand all over town, hobnobbing with Placido Domingo, opening hockey games, and performing the lead in LA BOHEME at Mr. Burns’ opera house.
But, the perks of fame can be a little overwhelming for our favorite nuclear plant hazard, who finds himself pursued by lust-crazed fans. Will his marriage to Marge survive? More importantly, will Homer survive the murder attempts of the ex-president of his fan club? This week’s episode probably won’t achieve classic status, but it was much more relaxed and amusing than the series premiere. Come on, just the idea of Homer singing opera is funny. And, good news; according to Bart, the Wall Street Journal is better than ever.