By Curt Schleier

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME has received some good reviews.  Critics have used expressions such as sharply-edged internal psychological drama.  To which I say baloney.

Actually, baloney was not the exact word I used, but with so many children surfing the net now, I prefer to modify my original words for the print (rather than oral) version of this review.  I for one am tired of seeing or reading about self-absorbed couples unable to deal with the complexities of modern life.  So they drown their troubles in self-pity, refuse to move on with their lives and see therapists.

That’s not to say that therapy doesn’t have it place in the modern pantheon.  But, therapy isn’t an excuse to keep from dealing with simple problems – and it certainly isn’t an excuse to air a poorly conceived show – even one that has great sex scenes.

Consider Carolyn (Sonya Walger) and Palek (Adam Scott), who are in their 30s and have been trying to conceive for over a year.  They’ve just discovered that neither has a physical problem that might account for their inability to have children.  So Carolyn is probably a tad optimistic when she goes to the drug store to purchase a home pregnancy kit.  Rather than wait (as was the custom) to take the test with Palek nearby, she goes to the drugstore bathroom.  When the results are negative, Carolyn goes ballistic on the fixtures and rushes down to her husband’s job site to start a fight.


Later, at home, she admits that she had an abortion 10 years earlier, stunning Palek who now realizes his wife has been pregnant.  But he’s philosophical.  “I just don’t want to lose us in this.”  Any show that uses dialogue like that is, uh, baloney.  (Please see explanation for baloney above.)

Meanwhile, Jamie (Michelle Borth), who cancelled her wedding to Hugo (Luke Farrell Kirby), continues to feel remorse; however, he seems to have gotten over her pretty quickly.  She confronts him at his workplace and he pays her back by spouting psycho babble:

“I felt we were on drugs the whole time we were going out… (Splitting up) doesn’t feel good, but it feels right.”

So Jamie goes back to the kitchen where she is a chef and has casual sex with one of the other cooks.  She’ll show Hugo.  Finally, Jamie has her first visit with our favorite therapist, May Foster (Jane Alexander) and self diagnoses. “I define myself by sex.”   She lost her virginity when she was 14 and hasn’t been in a monogamous relationship since.  Tsk-tsk.

Finally, Katie (Ally Walker) and Dave (Tim DeKay) take their daughter to a doctor because she has begun menstruation at age 12.  It’s not unusual, the doc says.  There’s more estrogen around; men have more than ever before.


That may explain why Dave hasn’t had sex with his wife for over a year now.  Well, at least he’s agreed to see Dr. Foster.  But as they discuss this problem, Dave asks: “Why is it all about me?”
Because you’re the one refusing to have sex, you idiot, that’s why.

One thing is certain.  By the end of this series I’ll be in therapy.