By Michelle Lerner

The makeover episode must be the highest rated of the season for ANTM, besides the finale. Otherwise, why would the producers delay it until two contestants have gone??? The public wants their makeover humiliations!! Now!! Instead this week we get a real filler of an episode.

Firstly challenges for the sake of being challenging really bore me. Tonight’s lessons with Miss J were beyond pointless. The girls had to practice walking in straight jackets. The intent of this ridiculousness was to get them to use their legs better, but I think Tyra just wanted to put together a creepy haunted mental institution. Boring. But it did end up serving a modicum of a purpose, besides filling 7 of the 44 minutes of the show. The girls had to walk in a “couture” fashion show as their challenge.

I am always amused at the judges insistence that someone is “not high fashion enough.” Like any of these girls is going to be on a real runway in Paris or Milan anytime soon. Firstly, most of them are already too old. There are very few new twenty-two year old models. Natalia Vodianova is considered an elder statesman at the ripe age of 25. But no matter. It’s still entertaining to watch Tyra and co., sitting in their LA perches far from the strum und drang of real fashion, decide who’s high fashion and who’s merely hootchie.


Tonight the word “couture” was flung around with abandon. Couture is the highest level of real fashion, involving tremendous amounts of skill craft and artistry. At Chanel, an ancient woman spends hours twirling braid for the sides of jackets. On ANTM it means wearing crazy looking dresses in a “surprise” fashion show. The winner of the challenge actually gets to go to Paris to walk in the designer’s show. This gives the whole thing an imprimatur of legitimacy, but I don’t believe it for a second. Either way, it gives a nice backdrop to the fight of the week, which of course involves the nefarious Bianca.

Bianca’s new target is Saleisha. Saleisha seems preordained to go far. She spent time at one of Tyra’s camps as a kid, so Tyra knows her already. She also has modeling experience. This is infuriating to Bianca, (who makes it clear she is playing a very strategic game by giving bad walking tips to Kimberely.) Saleisha feels attacked, tempers flare and many fingers are wagged in faces. After last week’s spat, the histrionics felt like a rehash. Boring again.

But it added a little tension to the fashion show, since Bianca was eager to win. In her own words: “don’t let the red hair fool you bitches, I can be high fashion!” Alas, she was to be disappointed. Saleisha won the trip to Paris handily. Bianca is like the villain on a cartoon; always plotting and always coming up empty. Her picture wasn’t even very good this week, and she ended up in the bottom two with hapless Kimberely.

Moving on. I am starting to get worried about Ebony. She is beautiful. But I have never someone wear her beauty so badly. She is like a nervous bird, long neck quivering in fear. Her long unruly hair only adds to the impression of absolute terror. I think her biggest problem is that she is not smart and in Tyra’s game a certain amount of fierce intelligence is necessary, in order to take the good advice and disregard the bad. Ebony doesn’t take anything in; she only hears negatives and becomes sad. It is depressing to see.


On the other hand, intelligence doesn’t seem to be doing much for Victoria. Twiggy told her she had something unusual tonight, and like any good nerd Victoria inquired very politely as to what that might be. The judges took this very badly and I am sure we are going to see a Victoria smack down fairly soon. This bothers me. The girl isn’t being insubordinate. She’s just trying to learn her strengths. Give me a break! Twiggy is usually the easiest going judge too.

Heather remains the human-interest candidate of the season. Her pictures were once again flawless, and we learn that she knows a thing to two about eye contact. I loved when they showed a shot of her frolicking in the house and played sentimental music over it, like she was a rescued puppy. The girl is very smart, beautiful, and incredibly endearing. It’s time to get past the Aspbergers. The pictures speak a thousand words. I hope she keeps it up!