By David Valdes

This week’s episode of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES opened with Mary Alice talking about the “great crime wave” that had just hit Wisteria Lane.  She wasn’t talking about a mentally challenged boy locked in a basement or even a deadly hit-and-run.  No, Mary Alice was referring to a knocked over barbeque set, trampled laundry and a missing skateboard.  Funny how the priorities on that street just change on a whim.

The culprit behind said destruction was Carlos, who had to race home Ferris Bueller-style or risk exposing his affair with Gaby to Edie.  Speaking of Edie, the woman refuses to let Carlos dump her.  As we learned last episode, Edie has even sunk so low as to slyly suggest that she’ll tell the feds about Carlos’s offshore bank accounts if he leaves her.  So what does Carlos do? He hires a hit man.  Listen, I know this storyline was meant to shock but did anyone else find Carlos’s hiring of a hit man to be a tad extreme and premature?  I was raised to talk through my problems before hiring a contract killer, but maybe that’s just me.

Bree was in rare form this week passive-aggressively battling new neighbor Katherine over who makes a better lemon meringue pie.  The situation comes to a boil (kitchen pun!) when Susan, Lynette and Gaby all inadvertently admit that they like Katherine’s better.  And how about Susan telling Katherine whipping out sewing scissors and snipping away a loose thread on Bree’s skirt during that early morning coffee-on-the sidewalk scene?  You can almost see Bree’s world crumble as she realizes she may only be the second most perfect housewife on the block.  By the way, who actually meets for coffee first thing in the morning fully dressed and in full make up?


Lynette spent much of her time this week in chemotherapy, which surprisingly resulted in some of Eva Longoria Parker’s best acting on the show yet.  (Thought we wouldn’t notice the name change in the opening credits, didn’t you, Parker?)  Gaby’s seeming disinterest in Lynette’s cancer treatment seemed uncharacteristically shallow, even for Gaby, the show’s bitchy narcissist.  Turns out Gaby lost her father to cancer when she was young and Lynette’s situation has reopened some old wounds.  I love those Gabrielle-has-a-soul moments.  But only in moderation.

Susan’s embarrassing moment of the week involved a push-up bra and a boy named Boomer.  After realizing that she should not have let Julie attend Boomer’s rager of a party, Susan storms out of bed (with Mike!  And strawberries!) to go collect her daughter.  Earlier when I said “rager,” I meant that one couple was kissing, and the rest of the extras were chugging and dancing simultaneously.  Anyway, Susan barges into the party wearing an open cardigan and a push-up bra, so naturally Boomer mistakes her for his birthday stripper.  Susan drags Julie and Dylan home with her.

Speaking of Dylan - the girl who can’t remember anything - what’s with her?  I am torn because I want this mystery to advance and become more interesting, but I am loving the dynamic that exists between all of the characters right now without too much emphasis on a big mystery.  So far, this season is character-driven and I am enjoying that.


What do you think, readers?  Is the mystery of Katherine’s daughter Dylan half as interesting as the lemon meringue pie smackdown that went down on Wisteria this week?  Are you sick of Edie and rooting for her demise?  And how the frick are they going to make Teri Hatcher look convincing as a pregnant woman as the season progresses?