Thursday, October 11, 2007 Rant Archive
Damn, you’d think the writers of this show have bionic word processors or something. The way they tend to leap into stuff, in medias res must be tattooed on their foreheads. Within a minute of show’s start, Jaime Sommers (Michelle Ryan) has gone from having a nice lunch with her sister to having to detain a bad guy on orders from her boss Jonas (Miguel Ferrer). Give the woman credit, she takes the smart approach at first, but bad guys aren’t usually receptive to that. As it turns out, bouncing his skull off the steering wheel is also persuasive.
What a great metaphor for the episode, as it turns out, because Sarah Corvus (Katee Sackhoff) is still on the loose, and that’s her favorite method of persuasion. Now that Daddy Anthros (Mark Sheppard) is loose and capable of helping Sarah with her bionic issues—tremors, neural feedback, the occasional homicidal urge—he’s given bionic woman 1.0 a mission: snag the latest version and run a diagnostic or three for a baseline. Sarah claims there’s an unconscious, near-psychic connection between the bionic babes, and she might be right, because she also takes the smart approach in asking for Jaime’s help. While all this drama is going on, Jaime is also tasked with playing watchdog over the daughter of a Canadian arms merchant, who makes Paris Hilton look demure and well-behaved.
Tonight on KID NATION, the town grapples with a very relevant issue … religion. And it doesn’t seem to be going any better for them than it is with the adult world. Having several kids who take their religion seriously posses a bit of a problem. They want to include some type of religious service into the town, but which one to choose? Well, they don’t have enough time to erect a house of worship for every faith, so the town council decides the best solution is to have one ceremony to accommodate all faiths. Sounds like a good compromise, but come on, you know it isn’t going to be that easy. This is a reality show after all, and the best part of these shows is the conflict that inevitably arises. That being said, I hate to see these children get so upset. While many of them have displayed unusual maturity and negotiating skills, they are still kids.
I am constantly vacillating between pride for what these kids are accomplishing and horror at the circumstances they are put in. I still have a problem with these kids being put in the situations they are, but they actually handle them as well – if not better – than a lot of adults do. Of course there’s still the issue of having a much older bully running around town trying to convince everybody he deserves that gold star. Here’s a tip Greg, you don’t get a reward for being a helpful and contributing part of a society, when you harangue and intimidate the other townsfolk. Nor do you deserve recognition for defacing the town’s property, at least not good recognition. And as far as Michael goes, I say he should run for president. This kid has the communication skills, negotiating abilities, charm and kindness to give Bill Clinton a run for his money. Can you give the gold star to the same kid every week, because Michael certainly deserves it.
Here’s a question I keep asking myself after every new episode of KITCHEN NIGHTMARES; why do these restaurant owners allow TV cameras into their establishments when they are so filthy? Honestly, I would be humiliated to open up my kitchen, if it looked the way most of these places do. Not only that, but I have to imagine these people have seen Gordon Ramsay on television before, if not on the British version of this show, at least on HELL’S KITCHEN. So why do they all act so surprised when he berates them for unsanitary kitchen practices and substandard food? You have to be pretty desperate to invite this perfectionist into your establishment, knowing you’re going to get called out for your mistakes. And that’s exactly the point; these restaurant owners are desperate. Most of them – thus far – have owned and operated family run businesses. That means they have a whole slew of their loved ones dependant on the money it brings in. Add to that the fact that owning and running a restaurant is a labor of love for most of these people, and you have owners who are willing to do just about anything to keep their business afloat.
Another common element to all of these disastrously run restaurants is the fact that they have cocky managers and/or head chefs prancing around who believe they know more about the business than Chef Ramsay does. Again I ask, have you people never seen this guy on TV before? Tonight Gordon tackles the Seascape restaurant in Islip, NY. Again, it is a family run business, where he finds out that cleanliness issues and an obnoxious head chef are running the place into the ground. Wow what a shocker; a head chef with a cocky attitude. Ok, so this is something Ramsay is more than familiar with, but he has the knowledge, skill and talent to back his attitude up, whereas most – if not all – of the restaurants highlighted this season do not, and tonight is no exception. I don’t know about any of you, but when I cook – which isn’t often – I have to have a clean working environment. I don’t understand how these chefs can cook amidst such filth and grime.
Hallelujah and praise the lord! The makeover episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL is upon us! I don’t know why the girls insist on screaming like banshees when they find out it’s makeover time. They must watch the show, and thus, must know that the makeovers are not all about fun and games.
At first it seems that the girls have uniformly learned the lessons of seasons past; that there’s no use crying over sheared hair. Not everyone is totally thrilled with her look, but each of them seems willing to see the bright side. They know the drill. Whiney girls go home. Then Jay Manuel takes a close look at Bianca’s hair; prior to her arrival at the show it had been weaved, relaxed, permed and dyed. She’s about to get it dyed honey blonde like Beyonce. Alas Jay declares it too damaged for any sort of treatment but one; the dreaded electric razor is brought out. Thankfully Miss J. is standing by to offer tissues and some gentle ribbing. Suddenly the waterworks are in full effect. Luckily for Bianca, her bald head is a vast improvement. I never thought she was that pretty before, but now she looks absolutely gorgeous.
The other big squirm-inducing makeover moment happens when the hairdresser begins separating foolish Ebony from her wig. It was as horrifying as anything in any of the SAW films. The fake hair is torn away, taking with it real hair and some skin. What was left of Ebony was a scary shell of a human, whose new weave isn’t much of an improvement. The judges don’t get to spend as much time with the girls as we viewers do. Thus they don’t know them as well. So tonight they spend panel taking Ebony down for having a bad attitude. What they don’t realize is that she is not rolling her eyes at them; she is just very not smart to say the least. How can anyone who has actually glued a wig to her head with rubber cement have the wit to roll their eyes at Tyra?
Ned (Lee Pace) is a pie maker who can bring dead things back to life with one touch. One touch more and the formerly dead thing becomes dead forever. Ned discovered this gift just before his mother died so he brought her back. If the “Alive Again” one stays alive longer than a minute, then something else must die. In his mother’s case, her staying alive takes the life of his childhood sweetheart, Chuck (she’s a girl named Chuck). Now as an adult he saves Chuck (Anna Friel) by making her alive again after she is murdered. He is in love and finds hope, but he can never touch her or she will die. Such is the premise for PUSHING DAISIES.
And Ned works with a private investigator (Chi McBride) solving murders by awakening the dead and asking who killed them.
The caper for the second episode is to find out who killed aeronautic engineer Bernard Slaybeck. He was working on the car of the future and was the apparent victim of a hit and run. When he is awoken by Ned, Chuck butts in and asks if he has any last requests. “Tell Janine from Promotions I always loved her.” When finally asked who hit him, he replies, “I wasn’t hit by a car. I was killed by a crash test dummy.” And time ran out and the team had to actually detect to solve the mystery.