By Michelle Lerner
Hallelujah and praise the lord! The makeover episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL is upon us! I don’t know why the girls insist on screaming like banshees when they find out it’s makeover time. They must watch the show, and thus, must know that the makeovers are not all about fun and games.
At first it seems that the girls have uniformly learned the lessons of seasons past; that there’s no use crying over sheared hair. Not everyone is totally thrilled with her look, but each of them seems willing to see the bright side. They know the drill. Whiney girls go home. Then Jay Manuel takes a close look at Bianca’s hair; prior to her arrival at the show it had been weaved, relaxed, permed and dyed. She’s about to get it dyed honey blonde like Beyonce. Alas Jay declares it too damaged for any sort of treatment but one; the dreaded electric razor is brought out. Thankfully Miss J. is standing by to offer tissues and some gentle ribbing. Suddenly the waterworks are in full effect. Luckily for Bianca, her bald head is a vast improvement. I never thought she was that pretty before, but now she looks absolutely gorgeous.
The other big squirm-inducing makeover moment happens when the hairdresser begins separating foolish Ebony from her wig. It was as horrifying as anything in any of the SAW films. The fake hair is torn away, taking with it real hair and some skin. What was left of Ebony was a scary shell of a human, whose new weave isn’t much of an improvement. The judges don’t get to spend as much time with the girls as we viewers do. Thus they don’t know them as well. So tonight they spend panel taking Ebony down for having a bad attitude. What they don’t realize is that she is not rolling her eyes at them; she is just very not smart to say the least. How can anyone who has actually glued a wig to her head with rubber cement have the wit to roll their eyes at Tyra?
With the exception of Bianca, (who is a Queens native and thus incapable of not calling it like she sees it,) all the other girls continue to swear up and down that they love their new looks. This includes Saleisha, who goes from perfectly attractive tiny Tyra to Tutti from THE FACTS OF LIFE’s twin sister. The judges say “high fashion,” I say “highly laughable.” You can tell she doesn’t really like it by the slightly evil look she gives the gloating blondes, Chantal and Jenah. Personally I think that Jenah, with her ridiculous long weave, looks like Donatella Versace and Courtney Love’s long lost love child. But the judges love it. Chantal should also relax; she looks just like “Vegas Stripper Barbie.” Yikes.
The best makeover belongs to Heather. They gave the girl a trim and a shine rinse. She looks the same but more polished. I wonder if they are afraid of messing with Aspberger’s girl. Either way, she looks great. But over all this season, the makeovers are all too over the top. Even Sarah, who won this weeks challenge- which involved some highly gratuitous Cover Girl product placement- looks like a bad version of Victoria Beckham.
Speaking of Victoria’s, this was a rough week for our resident Yalie. When she admitted honestly that it had never been her dream to be a model until three weeks earlier, Chantal looked like she had never heard anything so ridiculous in her whole life. Like Mother Theresa, Chantal has a calling- only hers is to the modeling profession. How saintly.
In panel, Twiggy begins to call Victoria “prickly,” and Victoria immediately speaks up, interrupting Twiggy. This spells trouble. The judges, particularly Nigel, find Victoria lacking in charm because she doesn’t drink the Kool-Aid as docilely as the others. I think this is because she has gotten rather far in her life by saying what she thinks, being smart, and asking questions. This is the first time that she can’t talk her way out or around something. I would think Tyra would admire her pluck. But the judges don’t cotton to her rebellious spirit. Nor do they care for Saliesha’s dead eyes or Chantal’s cheesy face. Chantal also got taken to task for not taking direction well. She was supposed to be baby’s breath in the shoot, the theme of which was flowers. Baby’s breath suited Chantal perfectly; it’s kind of a cheap filler flower. I loved how like a true diva, she blamed the photographer and Jay Manuel for her lousy performance at the shoot. If they had shut up and let her get to it she would have soared. Ok, then! I can’t WAIT for next week! Maybe the models will get to direct the shoots!