By Sabrina Cognata

It’s like I’m starting to live my Wednesday evenings with the hopes that I’ll turn on the television and realize this crummy show has finally been cancelled.  Does anyone else feel like this?  It’s like producers are not even sure what to do with Addison (Kate Walsh) anymore.  Is she a horrible control freak obsessed wither job, or is she the medical group minx?  It would probably help a lot if producers knew what was going on cause then the entire show would start making sense and stop being a giant pile of poorly executed lines.  Besides, is it just me or does Addison & Pete (Tim Daly) have one of the worst meet-cute relationships of all time?  Are they going to flirt or are they going to feel sorry for themselves?  I am losing track of what’s going on.

So this week our boring, self involved doctors at Oceanside Wellness Group have a lot of problematic patients—why am I not surprised.  Dr. Addison Montgomery, M.D./Vaginacologist—she’s got a newlywed patient that has never had sex and is begging her to figure out what is wrong with her hooha so she can consummate her relationship with her husband.  This brings Addison to talk a lot about magic pertaining to sex and the feeling you have when it is “special” or something.  Addison is sure she can fix this lady’s broken girly bits because she is a specialist and the best in her field.  Naomi recommends sending the couple to do guided meditation with Pete, but Addison laughs in the face of that suggestion. 


The reception clerk keeps making cake and telling everyone that he is giving Naomi what she really wants.  I guess if a set of saddlebags and a bigger ass are on her WANTS list then he is in.  For about 80 percent of the episode Naomi’s scenes are all shot while she eats this cake—good going producers for type casting women as binge eaters that cannot control their emotions, their lives or their food intake.  Pathetic.  Anyways, Naomi is still sad that her marriage is finished & now her daughter wants to live with her ex, Sam (Taye Diggs).  While Naomi is stuffing her face with cake she decides to gossip about Pete’s personal life because Addison will not stop being a giant asshole to Pete.  Guess what, Pete’s wife died in 2001 and this is her death week anniversary CUT THE MAN SOME SLACK ADDISON.

When we run into Violet she’s listening to an old voicemail from her ex.  God, I guess being a doctor means you will end up alone and divorced.  If you’re in med school I guess you should kill yourself immediately.  Cooper catches Violet doing this and tells her to take the next step and delete the message and move on with her life.  Violet’s patient this week is this guy she’s been counseling for 36 months that finally actualizes he hates his wife and wants a divorce.  The wife decides to use some disease that is unimportant to bring up right now, against her husband and act like the development of it is brand spanking new, but it turns out she knew she had it the entire time.  Violet continues to tell her patient he needs to do what he wants to do, & to move on but homeboy tells Violet that he wants to stay with his sick wife, even if she lied about being sick.  Violet acts all shocked and then she gets what her patient wants to do and it gives her the courage to delete that message.  Super lame.

And while the rest of the office is sad about their failed love lives Cooper is busy dealing with a bright blue child.  Someone call up the producers of HOUSE, M.D. and tell them PRIVATE PRACTICE is trying to cut in on their schtick.  Sorry Shonda but FOX has got the medical mystery market cornered.  So here is Cooper, who I guess gets to be the cutest dude on this show because the rest of them are morons, and he’s got these little kids that are dropping like little blue Smurfs.  Cooper is running out of options cause these sisters are having seizures and their nervous systems begin to fail after they blue pigment shows up in their skin.  Cooper is running out of options and does not want four dead blue babies on his hands so he takes some advice from the reception clerk and decides to give his female children patients what they want.  He goes to their house and has a magical time with them dressed in a crown with a wand they decide to show him their castle.  Turns out that the castle is a neighbor’s old shed and it is filled with chemicals that are killing the kids.  CASE CLOSED.


Addison realizes what’s wrong with her patient’s vajayjay and gives her some shots in the downtown region.  Then she does the unthinkable and sends the patient & her husband to see Pete.  Turns out they have a totally great sex finally and everyone is happy.  Addison tells Pete she knows about his dead wife and Pete acts unphased, goes to the cemetery and poorly acts as though he is really angry at his dead wife that he hated and never made time to divorce before she dropped dead.  Baggage anyone?