Monday, October 15, 2007 Rant Archive
After twenty-five years Ridley Scott has an almost perfect film on his hands. Recutting his cult classic film BLADE RUNNER for a third time, he has hit the nail firmly on the head.
Gone is the distracting meant-to-be-noir Harrison Ford voice over. Gone is the oddly tacked-on happy ending. What remains is an unrelenting dystopian nightmare of the future, set in a filthy drizzling Los Angeles.
Harrison Ford, in a grim and powerful performance, plays Deckard, an ex-cop, who when he was on the force, was a Blade Runner. That is; someone who tracked down replicants and killed them. Replicants were made by humans and are like humans, but better, and work on slave colonies in space. At the beginning of the film four have escaped and made their way to earth. Deckard is the best at hunting them, and is brought back to hunt them down. He doesn’t want to, but he has no choice in the matter.
As the story unfolds, you feel yourself sucked more and more into the weird paces and lights of this creepy future world. Part of what makes the film so strong is not only the story, but also the details of world. The production design, music and costumes are so carefully thought out that you more then buy it, you believe it. Everything feels shabby and lived in. There is almost no natural light, and when there is, it trickles through dusty windows haphazard and meek. The bright lights come from floating ads and neon buildings. And everything is wet all the time. Scott has a good time with geography to. It’s always very hard to get a sense of where characters are to each other in a space. This creates a sort of claustrophobia in even the largest room. When the film was done, we all gasped for air outside the theater, whether we meant to or not.
There are movies that were made in the 1980s, and then there are eighties movies. Anyone who was a preteen, teenager, or young adult during the eighties understands the difference. It’s hard to define, but you know it when you see it, and you guiltily relish in the pleasure of seeing these campy masterpieces.
Mostly everyone knows the true classics of the decade: FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF, GOONIES, THE BREAKFAST CLUB, and FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH to name a few, but there are some obscure ones out there worth mentioning. These are the movies that populated the theaters during the 1980s, and tried to educate unsuspecting teens everywhere.
Now that Justin (Dave Annable) is home safe, all should be right with the Walker family, unfortunately, it’s far from it. First of all he is still trying to bravely fight through the pain of his war injury without the help of medication. Because he’s a drug addict, Justin is afraid he’ll become dependent on his medication for more than just his physical pain. While his efforts are valiant, they aren’t very practical. Nora (Sally Field) would be the last person to enable her son, but what mother wants to see their child in pain? Quit a predicament, but it’s frustrating to see somebody you love in such intense agony, so she tries – once again – to get him to give in. Even his loving and worshipful new baby sister, Rebecca (Emily VanCamp), can’t get through to Justine. But, with two angels of mercy at his beck and call, he has more love and support than a lot of other soldiers returning from the war.
Meanwhile, Kitty (Calista Flockhart) has some troubles of her own to deal with, namely Robert’s (Rob Lowe) ex-wife. Wow, that’s gotta be awkward, and Kitty is already a pretty high-strung person so this one really throws her for a loop. Still, it’s better to be the wife coming in than the one going out, which is something Sarah (Rachel Griffiths) is learning more and more about now that she’s in the process of a divorce herself. Maybe Sarah can give Kitty a few tips on how to approach the spurned wife. And because we all know that the second anything happens to one of the Walkers it spreads throughout the rest of the family like a wild fire in the middle of a Santa Ana windstorm, you know there’s always a chance Kevin (Mathew Rhys) will add his two cents worth as well. But really, considering the fact that Kevin pledged his love and devotion – not too mention his faithfulness – to his new boyfriend, who is away on a mission from God for a year, and is now considering a dalliance with his ex, his word should be taken with a grain of salt.
It was the beginning of a new era, when aggression, excitement and sexuality screamed out through the radio in the form of rock-and-roll. Unfortunately, many people weren’t thrilled with this new form of expression and railed against the destruction of their children’s youth. But thank god for rock-and-roll, because without it we wouldn’t have the music of today. However, many people paid a price for the freedom of choice we have today. Tonight Lilly Rush (Kathryn Morris) gets a taste of what it must have been like for the rabble-rousers of the 1950s, when she begins investigating the unsolved 1953 murder of an aspiring 19-year-old rock-and-roll singer. Thanks to new evidence, which indicates he was killed in a different location than previously believed, the cold case team begins to unravel the mystery of his death. But that may not be such a good thing for some people.
As always, the cold case squad has to make their way through a maze of fuzzy memories – the case is over 50-years-old after all – outdated evidence and investigative procedures, and witnesses and suspects that would rather keep the past buried. But, that’s nothing new for this group of investigators. That’s what makes them so special, because it’s hard enough to get people and evidence to talk to you when the case is brand new, and with a murder this old, it’s virtually impossible. That doesn’t mean it can’t be cracked, and if anybody can break through the dust and mold of time to make sure justice is done, it’s Lilly and her team. But, she may have to work the case without her partner, because Scotty (Danny Pinto) is being closely monitored by internal affairs. Internal affairs is not one of the cops favorite departments in the police force, but it hits Danny and the team especially hard because it involves his own childhood demons. Besides, the man at the root of this investigation was a disgusting piece of work that deserved what he got.
Many of you know that I’ve not been a big fan of TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. At its center is a therapist, May Foster (Jane Alexander), who treats two couples and one single lady. I made two important discoveries about Foster in this episode. First, she’s a lousy therapist; more on that later.
More important, she’s a noisy and orgasmic sexual partner. Is there something wrong with that, you ask? Yes. The answer is definitely yes. As those of you familiar with Ms. Alexander are well aware, she is – to put this delicately – mature. I know it’s not politically correct to say this, but I don’t want to see mature people on my TV set naked and doing the nasty. Sue me. I’ll go further, there ought to be a law that actually imposes fines and imprisonment on any one associated with a nude love scene involving any actor eligible for Social Security. And punishment must be meted out to everyone, including the grips and the cameraman.
I stress this is not a freedom of speech issue. This is a freedom of view issue. If this is something you really want to see, call your cable company and have them sign up the AARP network. That’s it. Subject closed. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
BROTHERHOOD proves the nature of its title this week when Pat McGonagle (Stivi Paskoski), longtime friend of Michael Caffee (Jason Issacs), is found dead in the vacant lot near the home Michael shares with his mother. Michael finds himself in an awkward situation as he wants to avenge Pat’s death, but is instructed by mob boss, Freddie Fingers, not to do anything. In the meantime, Michael is approached by his cousin Colin (Brian F. O’Bryne), who pledges his allegiance to working with and for Michael. This comes as predicted since Colin was fired from the state job Tom (Jason Clarke) got him.
Eileen (Annabeth Gish) is approached by Michael’s girlfriend, to help her take care of the funeral arrangements. Eileen feels obligated to help take care of things concerning Pat because they did blow together at the end of last season and screwed up the perfect attendance of his sobriety. Tom catches wind of Eileen’s actions and continues to act put off, but offers a hundred dollars for the floral arrangements.
In the meantime, Tom has his own problems in the statehouse to deal with, as the Speaker of the House’s mistress has shown up and you know the old adage, hell hath no fury…right? Tom sets into gear to clean up this mess and protect the Speaker of the House from any negative press, which would hurt both of them in the up & coming election. While doing this the Speaker confides in him that it is his belief that cheating on his wife saved his marriage, in his own words, it made him nicer. You can see the wheels spinning in Toms head as he hears this. During his final visit to the mistress to alert her that a cushy job has been provided for her the two begin to argue and she offers to perform gratuitous sex acts on Tom. Perpetually the tightass, Tom turns her down with a clear-cut disgust. I bet he was totally hot for her—that is a mess created from years in Catholic school—I should know, I spent years there too. Anyways, Tom’s on the prowl for a mistress of his very own because that’s how you save a failing marriage—someone remind me to tell my next beau that this sort of thing is common knowledge so I can cheat on him with a green light.
Why does everybody have to be so sensitive? We’ve talked about how Larry David can be a pretty obnoxious guy on CURB, but sometimes it’s not all his fault. And, unfortunately, the overreactions of others don’t necessarily translate into laughs.
This week was a perfect example. Larry offends a deaf parent at Keisha’s school by saying her dog looks like a rat – which it does. He claims she can’t understand the tone in his voice, and was therefore not offensive. Then he offends her husband by accidentally making an obscene gesture in the bathroom – really, who knew there really was a sign-language term for “cocksucker”?
Come on, people. You know he’s not really calling you a cocksucker. Just chill out. That type of humor through overreaction has totally gotten old on this show. It’s such a reach to think that someone would really freak out like that, and has been done so many times before that it’s become redundant.
In other misunderstandings, Larry and Leon accidentally switch cell phones, leading Larry to tell off a potential employer for Leon and Leon to return the favor by speaking jive to the husband (of the deaf woman) and offending him even more. If that’s not enough, he invites an exterminator to the school play who -- can you guess where this is going? – sees the dog running around and “exterminates” it with his shoe. Well, that takes care of that one.
After being tailed for a month and a half by Sergeant Doakes, Dexter- our most enjoyable serial killer- lamented that he was “All Jeckyl and no Hyde.” Now he has confessed to girlfriend Rita that he has “An addiction,” and she is pushing him into a twelve step program. This is not going to help his killing spree flourish. And superstar federal agent Frank Lundy has assembled his task force to capture the Bay Harbor Butcher (Dexter) and he has recruited Dex’s sister Debra, who is still shaky from her near marriage and murder to and by the Ice Truck Killer. Like the body parts on the ocean floor, so are the days of our murdering Miami lives.
Dexter’s first foray into Narcotics Anonymous goes poorly. He is bored after ten minutes of the “same whiney story,” he tells us, “no self control…lost everything.” Dexter is too careful to be in these people’s circumstances. Even the doughnuts are stale. So he leaves. He returns to Rita without his first day sober chip. Having been married to an addict she knows the program and this is a big deal. She tells him there is no relationship if he doesn’t work the twelve steps and that starts with staying for the whole meeting. Dexter can’t tell if being with Rita and the kids is important enough to carry out this cumbersome charade. “Someone with a heart could answer that question,” he concludes, and in his mind, that excludes him. Oh, the self-delusion of the truly insane!
Superstar Frank Lundy has his team and directs them to start ID-ing the bodies. The count is up to eighteen now. “IDs lead to a pattern and a pattern leads to our man.” He also says he will use food references a lot because, “I like food.” Given the opening title sequence of this show, superstar Frank Lundy is fitting in nicely. Debra however, asks off the team. Lundy is tepid but says okay.
THE SIMPSONS, “I Don’t Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”: We’re not even three minutes into the episode, and Steve Buscemi robs a bank. That’s awesome! Although, if Harvey Keitel had been around, it would have been twice as awesome. No, four times as awesome, as long as it wasn’t the Keitel from BAD LIEUTENANT. Jesus, was he whacked out in that or what? Great acting, though.
Anyway, Marge is one of the patrons in the bank at the time, so she tries to talk Buscemi (well, the character’s name is Dwight, but it’s Buscemi playing him, so I’ll just continue referring to him that way, ‘cause Buscemi is cool) down and ends up promising him that she’ll visit him in the joint if he gives up. Unfortunately for Marge, the cops fail to plug the hell out of him, so now she’s got to visit Buscemi in the pen. She’s already feeling guilty about missing Lisa’s big award ceremony, the one thing Homer’s actually made it to for the first time … ever, probably.
So, to make up for it, Marge finds new and inventive ways to avoid visiting, driving Buscemi ever closer to the edge until the fiendish actor escapes. Now, Buscemi’s stalking the hell out of Marge, to the tune of “Who Can It Be Now,” the unofficial theme song of stalkers everywhere. But, Marge’s influence turns out to be beneficial in the end, though somewhat painful for Buscemi. I should tell you about what was good in the episode and what wasn’t, but who gives a rat’s ass? It had Steve Buscemi in it, and that makes it a classic. That’s all you need to know.
Oh Ryan Gosling, darling of the indie movie scene, how you can show up on screen and carry a movie about a delusional man, Lars, whom falls for a plastic woman. I know what you’re thinking—it’s Hollywood, all the women are plastic, and yes they are, but Bianca, is no regular woman, she is made totally from silicone and was ordered from the Real Dolls website on the internet. This, my friends is LARS AND THE REAL GIRL, & Love is in the air.
Lars is a real shut in. He’s that lady that lives at the end of the block with 50 cats and never speaks to anyone. That’s Lars in a nutshell. Lars lives in the garage behind the house inhabited by his brother Gus (Paul Schneider) & his pregnant wife, Karin (Emily Mortimer). The first quarter of the movie we determine that something is wrong with Lars. The more people invite him to associate with them the more he retreats into the silence of his own thoughts. Karin brings this up to Gus, but Gus says that’s Lars for you—he’s always been like that, just like their deceased father. Karin persists on including Lars as apart of the family, but he only retreats further, that is, until Bianca shows up.
Bianca, by the way, is a life sized sex doll, anatomically correct, of course, that Lars orders from the internet. Lars tells his brother & sister-in-law that Bianca is wheelchair bound & fresh to the states from Brazil. This is when the proverbial plane crashes into the mountain. So Gus & Karin expect a human being, but they get plastic & pretend. Gus tells Karin his brother belongs in the looney bin so together they get Lars and Bianca to visit the town general practitioner & psychologist, Dagmar (Patricia Clarkson). Dagmar tells them that this entire charade is a delusion created by Lars & the best they can do is go along with it. And then they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on & so on, until the entire town decides to go along with Bianca as though she were always an important presence in their community.
Hot off the success of films SIN CITY and 300, comic book auteur Frank Miller will next write and direct a big-screen adaptation of legendary comic strip THE SPIRIT. Starring in said film will be Eva Mendes (HITCH), who recently
gabbed to MTV about being part of the Frank Miller vision:
“I’m excited to working with Frank Miller, he’s a genius,” Eva Mendes told [MTV news] recently, nearly jumping out of her chair. “Actually, I didn’t even read a script.”
The film will mark Miller’s first time at the helm (excluding a co-director credit for SIN CITY,) as well as the first time the subject matter won’t be Miller’s own material. Writer-artist Will Eisner first created THE SPIRIT in 1940, as part of a Sunday-newspaper comic-book insert. The story details the crime-fighting exploits of detective Denny Colt, a man thought to have died, who becomes a masked vigilante donned in a blue business suit, fedora and gloves. The Spirit’s adventures were full of intrigue and mystery, as the hero thwarted evil in every corner of the globe. The tone of the strip differed over the years, but it will most likely be its brand of film-noir-style crime drama that Miller will try to bring to the screen. Mendes offered a few hints:
“I play Sand Saref,” she explained. “It’s my first femme fatale character. She’s literally a killer, and she uses her body to get what she wants. I’m excited!”
Co-starring in the film, according to Mendes, will be actor Samuel L. Jackson and another hot young actress sure to help steam up the screen:
“When I first met with [Frank], it was actually me and Scarlett Johansson—we got there at a similar time.” [Mendes said] “We actually sat down and we met with Frank together…”
The question Tyler Perry asks in his newest movie, WHY DID I GET MARRIED?, is whether or not it’s worth the inevitable pain and heartache to get spend your life with another person. My question is, am I missing something here? It’s not that this was necessarily a bad movie. It was just completely pointless and unrealistic.
I don’t mean to hate, because I have enjoyed some of Perry’s previous work. And I appreciate that he could be in front of a camera not dressed in drag for once. But really, I just didn’t get the point. And apparently I was in the minority (no pun intended) of a completely black audience that hooted and hollered throughout the movie and seemed to love every minute of it.
A quick synopsis: Four wealthy black couples head on a week-long vacation retreat to the mountains in Colorado. One of the couples brings a female friend along, who just happens to be sleeping with the husband (Richard T. Jones). Hilarity (and insanity) ensues.
In one rather darkly comical dinner, all the couples’ secrets come out, leading to a divorce, a separation and a whole lot of scenes filled with soul-searching, crying and Janet Jackson trying her hardest – and failing miserably – to be an actress.
Jackson couldn’t show a facial expression if you paid her a multimillion dollar deal. And call me crazy, but she’s looking (and sounding) more like Michael every day. This is not a good thing. I saw her fail to act her way out of a paper bag nearly a decade ago in NUTTY PROFESSOR 2 and figured she realized it wasn’t in the cards. So whose brilliant idea was it to make her more or less the focal point of this movie? She plays Patricia, a top-notch psychologist who wrote a book about the group, entitled – get this – “Why Did I Get Married?”
If you’re a fan of British director and crime-film auteur Guy Ritchie like I am, then your list of movie quotes includes snarky lines from 1998’s LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELLS, or maybe a few garbled-sounds (Brick Top’s infamous “Eh.”) from 2000’s break out hit, SNATCH. And you know nothing of 2002’s abysmal SWEPT AWAY—that is, if you’re a truly a Guy Ritchie fan.
Well rejoice, oh ye faithful! Because
MTV news recently caught up with a cadre of stars —including one history-making starlet—who will all be taking on roles in the director’s next film, a return to the gritty London underworld entitled ROCKNROLLA.
Expect to see the likes of Ludacris (HUSTLE & FLOW), Jeremy Piven (ENTOURAGE), Tom Wilkinson (BATMAN BEGINS) and Gerard Butler (300) filling out ROCKNROLLA’s criminal lineup, alongside side one lovely lady—the first ever leading lady in a Ritchie crook-flick—CRASH’s Thandie Newton. Newton will play an accountant of dubious morals, who gets mixed up in a scheme involving Russian billionaires buying up property all over London. When the Russian’s broker (Wilkinson) is robbed of a painting given to him by his Slavic friends a cat-and-mouse chase ensues, drawing out the usual suspects, namely crooks and thought-to-be-dead rock stars. Well, that last bit is new, but you get the gist of it.
One iconic London landmark will be crucial to the film’s plot: the Battersea Power Station, an electrical power plant first built in 1939 and abandoned in 1983. Battersea has been included dozens of films before and will most likely serve as the backdrop for the film’s climax (better termed ‘convergence point’ in the case of a Ritchie film.) If you want an idea of what Battersea Power Station looks like, just glance at the cover art on your copy of Pink Floyd’s “Animals.”
ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE is not a film that coddles its audience. You’re kind of thrown into the middle of Queen Elizabeth’s reign. If you don’t know what’s going on by the time you finish reading the five sentences that open the movie, tough luck. Just grab on and enjoy the ride. Well…enjoy some of the ride.
Cate Blanchett, as always, is friggin’ amazing. Her Elizabeth is not simply a stoic woman who wears gorgeous dresses and sits quietly on her throne. She’s powerful and moody and even childish at times. She commanded the screen, as I’d like to believe Elizabeth commanded her court, but she never looses the humanity of the Queen either. I could watch her act all day.
Samantha Morton and Rhys Ifans as Mary, Queen of Scots and Robert Reston (both conspirators in the Babington Plot) were pretty darn good themselves. It was kind of sad that they only had about ten minutes on screen combined.
The movie was visually stunning. Cinematographer Remi Adefarasin and director Shekhar Kapur collaborated to make one spectacular looking film. The immensely wide shots and the angelic lighting were a treat for the eyes. The costumes were also spectacular. Though, I really don’t know how any period piece about royalty can ever have bad costumes.
OK. Now that I’ve discussed the best parts, let’s move on to the worst parts.
Exactly where in history does it say that Queen Elizabeth acted like a spoiled high school girl? I understand that she probably had whiny moments and outbursts of emotion, but there are a few scenes in this movie where I thought I might be watching some really gimmicky reality show.
With Hollywood quivering at the knees in fear of a looming writer’s strike, networks NBC and CBS are betting on the continued success of their freshman dramas, putting in an early call for additional scripts to be written while there are still writers to write them.
NBC has picked up three additional scripts for shows BIONIC WOMAN, LIFE, JOURNEYMAN and CHUCK, while CBS has picked up an additional four scripts for its Jimmy Smits vehicle, CANE. The move is a prudent one for the networks, who often opt to secure scripts rather than committing to full-season pickups, but rarely this soon and rarely for this many shows. It is also cheaper for networks to purchase scripts rather than shilling out for full episodes, the move also provides incentive ($$$) for writers to keep doing their jobs.
Since many television writers have most of a season scripted (to varying degrees of completion) before it goes to air, this latest move by NBC and CBS will help the networks secure months of plotlines for their shows well before the strike hits (allegedly on October 31st.)
Most of the shows having additional scripts picked up are currently shooting episodes 8-9, with the exception of BIONIC WOMAN, whose special effects and action-sequences have it paced a little behind the rest. With new scripts fastened securely under their belts, CBS and NBC could continue to air shows well into mid-season without as much as a hiccup—but not much longer after, unless they either shill for more scripts now, or commit to the series altogether. Either choice would most likely keep their writers pockets nicely lined and the writers themselves willing to play ball.
Another day, another dollar, another Friday night in Odessa, Texas—proof that some things never change. This probably isn’t going to come as a surprise for the rest of us, but Tami finally realizes that being a single parent is not nearly as easy as she’d hoped. The stress of a newborn mixed with the stresses of raising a know-it-all teenager, couple with post partum blues—this woman is dealing with a lot and not nearly as tough as she’d hoped.
On the flipside, life without his family is no walk in the park for Tami’s husband, Eric (Kyle Chandler). He gets sent to a hearing with one of the players caught accepting gifts from NFL scouts. On the way to the hearing the player, Anton, overhears Eric talking to his estranged wife & newborn and takes the time to mock Eric over the fact that he’s left his family to coach college football. Eric takes Anton’s comments personally, yelling at Anton for being ungrateful and a disappointment. Later, he stands up during Anton’s hearing and tells the board that they can suspend Anton for the entire season or allow Anton to play so that his coaches can instill disciple in him. This wins over the board and Anton is only suspended for three games. Doing this helps Eric to further prove his abilities to the head college coach, but does nothing to lesson his desire to be with his family.
CAVEMEN has lost a lot of viewers. Who ever would have guessed?
The racial allegory comedy, which airs Tuesday nights on ABC,
failed to draw back a sizable chunk of its audience this past week, despite premiering to an impressive 9.2 million viewers on October 2nd.
CAVEMEN managed to snag 7 million viewers in its second week according to early Nielsen ratings—for the mathematically challenged that’s a 25% drop off—not the kiss of death, but definitely not good news either, considering that CAVEMEN was butchered by critics, scoring a measly 15 out of 100 on metacritc.
The official Nielsen count for last week saw CAVEMEN landing at third place for its time slot in most categories, second place among the coveted 18-34 adults. For the night Fox remained top draw in total viewers, riding the lab-coat lapels of break out hit HOUSE, as well as a solid lead-in from BONES. Freshman comedies CARPOOLERS and CAVEMEN, along with DANCING WITH THE STARS and BOSTON LEGAL, landed ABC at third place for night.
Now many of us had the foresight (and general sense of good taste) to say ‘no’ to CAVEMEN as soon as we heard the premise: ‘It’s like the Gieco commercials with the modern-day cavemen—only, like a whole show!’ Most of us were smart enough to know when to leave well enough alone. And indeed the commercials that spawned the CAVEMEN series were just that: well enough. Best to be left alone. Unfortunately someone failed to give the execs at ABC a copy of the memo.
So, unlike other shows of this kind, MOONLIGHT wastes no time in getting to its big reveal: Last week, Mick (Alex O’Loughlin) spilled the beans to Beth (Sophia Myles) about the nosferatu side of his existence. Naturally, she’s a little freaked, but gets over it pretty quick. Actually, Mick’s a little more bothered by it, as it brings up all sorts of memories of his ex-wife (Shannyn Sossamon), the vampire he had to set afire to save Beth as a child. He thinks she’s toast, but I think we all know that’s not so. (On a side note, CBS showed a commercial for 30 DAYS OF NIGHT at the first break. Hopefully, the movie will be easier to watch than the source graphic novel was to read; that sucker looked like it was drawn and inked by a colorblind epileptic in full grand mal.)
Meanwhile, a hapless doctor tries to help a dude who gets run down in the street, but the victim turns out to be hungry for that vintage you just can’t get in the store. The doc gets bitten, gets turned and passes a fast and gory death along to a clerk in a convenience store. Once the news gets to Mick via a friend at the morgue, he quickly realizes there’s a rogue vampire running loose and sets out to track him down. This gives Mick the opportunity to reminisce about his turning, showing viewers that fateful night in 1952 when Mick St. John joined the undead. Much violence and arcane research into vampires follows.