By Curt Schleier

Many of you know that I’ve not been a big fan of TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.  At its center is a therapist, May Foster (Jane Alexander), who treats two couples and one single lady.  I made two important discoveries about Foster in this episode. First, she’s a lousy therapist; more on that later.

More important, she’s a noisy and orgasmic sexual partner.  Is there something wrong with that, you ask? Yes. The answer is definitely yes.  As those of you familiar with Ms. Alexander are well aware, she is – to put this delicately – mature.  I know it’s not politically correct to say this, but I don’t want to see mature people on my TV set naked and doing the nasty. Sue me.  I’ll go further, there ought to be a law that actually imposes fines and imprisonment on any one associated with a nude love scene involving any actor eligible for Social Security.  And punishment must be meted out to everyone, including the grips and the cameraman.

I stress this is not a freedom of speech issue.  This is a freedom of view issue.  If this is something you really want to see, call your cable company and have them sign up the AARP network.  That’s it.  Subject closed.  I don’t want to talk about this anymore.


Because, frankly, her diagnoses are even worse that her sex scenes.  Consider what she suggests to Katie (Ally Walker) and Dave (Tim DeKay).  They haven’t had sex in over a year.  Foster has the answer though.

“Maybe you should forget about sex,” she tells them.  “Don’t have it.  Take away the burden of expectations.  Too many marriages fail because of sex.  It’s not worth the loss.”

This is a therapist who likely tells anorexics to stop eating to avoid the burden of throwing up.

There’s more.  After there latest failure, Palek (Adam Scott) and Carolyn (Sonya Walger) have decided to stop trying to have children.  So they no longer need therapy.  But Foster insists they come in for a good-bye session.  Does she talk to them about the low odds of having a child the first time you’re artificially inseminated?  Does she talk to them about marital woes?

No she says she wishes they’d keep trying, but more important is that they continue therapy.  No.  Well, “Be kind to each other and give it time.  Time has a way of healing the most stubborn and intense feelings.”

I wonder where she got her degree, the University of Platitudes?

And in all this therapy, she never deduced that Palek didn’t want kids in the first place.  When he tells Carolyn that after their session, the future of the marriage is threatened.  “Can you live with that?” he asks her.

“I don’t know.  We’ll find out.”

Thanks Dr. Foster.  Maybe if you spent a little more time on your patients and less on your husband’s lap making funny noises, everyone would be better off.  Ah what’s the use?


Finally, Jamie (Michelle Borth), the tramp.  She moved in on Nick (Ian Somerhalder) after he broke up with a co-worker.  Nick stops by and tells her he thinks about her but is going to meet Anya, the former girlfriend.  So she seduces him.  “I slept with him the other night because I didn’t want him to go out with his girlfriend.  I used him.”

Not so fast sweetie.  Turned out he lied to her.  He wasn’t going back to Anya.  But he knew if he said that he’d get some action. The little devil.  I will say this for Nick and Jamie.  It beats looking at Dr. Foster.