By Michelle Lerner

We are now deep into this season of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL, and a couple of things are becoming clear. The girls are all trying to play strategically. It’s the ninth season, and with between one and two seasons a year, that means some of these girls were fourteen and younger when they started watching ANTM. They’ve studied and they know that practicing and committing are part of the homework. They know they have to smile at the judges, and that Tyra is their god. Yet unlike seasons past, there is no obvious front-runner. No girl that wants it the most.  No girl that is most likely making it to the finals. There are beautiful girls and there are smart girls but there aren’t a ton of standouts. The result is a weird flatness to the episode tonight. And is it me, or are a few of the girls just not that bright?

Ebony, Ebony, Ebony. She has absolutely no depth whatsoever, and she is hopelessly self-conscious. I once worked with a woman who was obsessed with her hairline; every week she would have it waxed and plucked. I had never even thought about my hairline until I met her. Ebony is the sort who would wax her hairline. Stupid and self conscious makes for painful T.V. Tonight she pulls off a beautiful picture, but Tyra calls her on the fact that she hates to smile. Ebony’s reasoning? Her gums are too big! Wha?


And lets not leave Lisa out. She is perhaps the most beautiful girl in the house, and maybe even one of the most beautiful girls ever to appear in the show. But there’s a personality deficit. She’s boring. I’m sure Miss J is right and that the other girls don’t like her because they are a little jealous. (Bianca is a huge hater; she’d hate on a kitten if it were showing her up.) That said I would want Lisa out of the house too. It’s amusing once to hear a dumb girl say that she overthinks everything.  After that monotony sets in. And she’s a confessional sort, a tattletale. At judging, Tyra asks Lisa why she looks so sad, after her pictures are deemed so good and she won a coveted challenge.  Lisa, teary eyed, confesses it’s because she won the challenge that she’s so low. Now there’s a rift between the other girls and her. They want her gone! Tyra and judges roll their eyes a little and tell her to stay true to herself. Blah blah blah. If it’s friends or sympathy you want, going to the judges isn’t a smart play.

Isn’t Saleisha a catty thing for telling Lisa all this? You bet she is, though I’m not sure she’s dumb. Tutti is as two-faced as they come, exchanging wary glances with her comrades when the challenge winner and friends return home, and then running to tell her what they said behind her back a moment later. Does she have a strategy or is she just in it for the drama?

The dumbest moment of the night belongs to Chantal. “Tyra mail” arrives, and with it the attendant screaming with joy. (Next week look for Heather when this happens; she clearly doesn’t get what the fuss is about, and her reactions are priceless.) The message is something about “springing forward” which is a clue about what the challenge will be. Chantal turns and asks the room if it really is that time of year. Sigh. Is she gorgeous? Yes. Cheesy? Sure. Missing some brain cells? Absolutely.

Danielle, the winner of Cycle 6 shows up to help judge the challenge, and brings a cool breeze with her. Listening to her speak about the girls, full of intelligence, integrity and fierceness, I miss her! And she looks amazing.

So who do I think the front runners are? Well, despite her ditzy blond thing, Chantal definitely has the beauty. Lisa could be in there, if she grows a pair. Bianca is coming together; she could be this season’s most improved and she’s fairly smart. But I like Heather. She really listens. Tonight she gets scolded for using her profile in every picture. You can bet that next week there will plenty of frontal shots from her.  She’s so sympathetic you can’t help but root for her. And she’s no dummy. How good would it look for Tyra to introduce the first Asperger’s model to the world?


I think the thing is is that the girls this season are really on the show to win a modeling competition. But what we want to see is the competition in the competition! And that’s not happening. If we wanted civilized reality, we’d watch PROJECT RUNWAY.

My prayers for next week? That the girls sharpen up! We need some drama and some personality! Heather can’t carry the whole season! And Bianca can’t just hate all the time! Come on Jenah, I know you want to break out! Saleisha, please be more underhanded! Sarah, speak your mind! Ebony, show us who you are! Just please, someone do something!