By Sabrina Cognata
This week on the hour I like to call a total waste of time that you probably call PRIVATE PRACTICE I was utterly bored again. Not a surprise. Addison’s throwing a small party at her house and no one has RSVP’d. I guess it sucks to be a boring, whiney & patetic doctor. Sam (Taye Diggs) goes on television and sells his idea of medicine that basically says your body tells you what is wrong. DUH. After his segment airs on television this pregnant nut job shows up to Oceanside Wellness Group up and becomes the combined problem of Addison (Kate Walsh) & Sam.
Poor Violet (Amy Brenneman) continues to be haunted by her ex when his new wife shows up for an appointment with Naomi (Audra McDonald). Violet begins obsessing over why her arch nemesis would show up at her place of employment. She tries to ask Naomi, but then tells Naomi not to tell her at all because she needs to get over her past and practice letting go. Doing this only serves to drive Violet crazier and she eventually asks Addison what to do & Addison tells her to read the woman’s file and find out. She eventually realizes that the woman came there to be treated for sexually induced bladder infections. BURN—I GUESS VIOLET KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CURIOUS CAT. Anyways, at the end of the episode Violet confronts her nemesis and realizes that the new wife came to size her up and still considers Violet a threat to her marriage.
As that’s going on, Cooper’s patient is love sick, and bad. When Cooper gets the patient alone he tells him the best thing he can do is confront his crush even though he is 11 and says his crush doesn’t like him back. Cooper then makes a pact with the boy saying he will tell his crush, Violet, which he’s been in love with her for a long time if the boy also tells his crush. Turns out the young boy’s gay and admitting to your 11-year-old male friend that you are in love with him warrants a beating. When the boy shows back up to get treated for his bumps and bruises Cooper realizes what a moron he was and tries to fix what’s happened. The best he can say is that the boy is braver than he is because he still hasn’t told Violet. Later on, Cooper rescues the kid from jumping off a building when he goes missing. Cooper the hero, too bad he’s the only character I can stand or I’d flip out this second.
Back to this insane prenatal patient, surprise, she’s a reject from all the local hospitals and has been diagnosed with Munchausen’s Syndrome. She’s harming herself and her unborn for attention. No wonder the baby is underweight. Tests even say she’s starving herself. God, she better get shipped back to the nuthouse where she can receive treatment for being a loon. But wait, what if Addison’s instincts are correct and something else is wrong with this woman—what if they take one more test and realize she isn’t insane at all, but just has a bad case of CRONES DISEASE! Whoa, turns out team Addison/Sam save the day with their stellar brilliance and restore stasis to the good ship wellness clinic! The baby can be saved and the women won’t even need a padded room for this. Hip-Hip Hooray!
Pete’s (Tim Daly) dealing with an elderly couple. Basically, the woman is a longtime client of his and tells him she can tell he’s in love with Addison. That’s the entire point of this character—to drive home to the viewers that Pete and Addison will be sitting in a tree KISSING by the end of this season. Too bad they’re both damaged goods and it won’t be anywhere as easy as we think it should and their coming together will probably involve lots and lots of alcohol, and not love. Anyways, Pete realizes that this woman’s fiancée is passing out because of his siatic nerve and he can treat it. The woman is elated because she thought that her old man (literally) was getting cold feet and didn’t want to marry her. PETE SAVES THE DAY TOO!
In the end, everyone goes to Addison’s house for her party after she throws a fit and looks like a damned nutso. Everyone saves everyone—everyone parties. Oh the life of a physician in Los Angeles! Boring to the max, someone kill this show soon.