By Curt Schleier

Over the course of the previous six episodes, I have not said a great deal positive about TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.  Well, that changes right now:

If the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences gave out awards for simulating sex, it would go to members of this cast.  Almost by default.  There are moments here that are – how to put this? – of Internet quality in terms of realism.  And since you are reading this on a computer you know exactly what I mean.  And, yes, I mean you. So on that level the acting is unmatched elsewhere.

On every other level, well not so much.

Consider Jamie (Michelle Broth), who has so perfected the art of simulated sex.  But then again, practice makes perfect.  She comes home and finds her former fiancé Hugo (Luke Farrell Kirby) waiting for her.  He tells her he was wrong.  He wasn’t over her.  She tells him she misses him, too, but she’s seeing someone else.  Hugo cries like a baby.  So she sleeps with him.  (As an aside, I sadly found crying and/or begging never worked well for me. Times have changed.)

After Hugo is finished and leaves, Jamie (aka the tramp) calls her new boyfriend Nick (Ian Somerhalder), goes over to his house and sleeps with him.


Oh there’s more.  Jamie takes Hugo to see Dr. Foster (Jane Alexander) and tells him that she cheated on him while they were seeing each other, prompting Hugo to get upset and storm out.  Dr. Foster, the therapist I’ve previously noted who got her degree at the University of Platitudes,
Looks at Jamie (who is now crying like a girl herself) briefly and says “It’s hard when someone you love walks out the door.”  Duh! You think?

Dr. Foster herself meets a former college beau in his apartment.  He thinks he’s going to get lucky, but when it becomes clear he’s assumed far too much, he asks “What are you doing here.”
Wait a second and take a breath before you read her response, because it is a winner:

“Endings need to be treated with as much care and gentleness as any other part of a relationship.”

Dr. Phil eat your heart out.
For the record, Katie (Ally Walker) and Dave (Tim DeKay) are still not having sex and the prospects look bleak.  You don’t get a man excited by telling him that when they were having sex and she was making orgasmic noises, they were from the Sandy Meisner School of sexual sounds.  (And for those of you who don’t know, Sandy Meisner was a famous acting instructor.)  Of course, nothing else ahs worked with Dave, so maybe making him feel foolish will get him excited.


 But matters are reaching crisis proportions with Palek (Adam Scott) and Carolyn (Sonya Walger).    She seems to be disenchanted with him since he announced he doesn’t want children.  But, now it looks like she’s preggo.  Meanwhile, Palek has gone back to the haberdashery where the sales woman flirted with him five suits ago.  Is he going to cheat?  What will his reaction be when he finds out he’s going to be a daddy?  Does anyone really care?