By Michelle Lerner

Six episodes in and I am tempted to crown this season of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL the most boring ever. The two best moments from tonight’s episode involved Jay Manuel. It’s bad when the tired old creative director steals the show.

But it’s hard to ignore Jay’s talking head when he’s wearing hot pink lipstick. Honey, I’m not sure that’s your best shade. I laughed out loud when after a very bad shoot, he told Ambreal to trust her innate self because that what was natural to her. Well, duh.

For the challenge this week, the girls had to become spokes-models for a cause, (Keep A Child Alive, which builds treatment centers for AIDS patients in Africa.) They all swoon when Tyson Beckford shows up at their door. I yawned. There was something rather creepy about this guy trying to get the girls to act sexy and sell something. He enjoyed it a little too much, I think. Maybe if I were a guy, I’d be more understanding, but some of these girls are pretty young, and Tyson’s, well ... not.

As I watched the girls, divided into three teams, competently perform their public service announcements I realized something. They were all competent. This season there is no over-the-top character to keep us entertained with her unwarranted diva madness. And there’s no one super trashy to laugh at as she gets it oh-so-very wrong. And there’s no awesome combination of the two.  Where is Jade, who was larger then life in her absolute ridiculousness and insistence on referring to herself in the third person? Where is YiaYia with her haughty demeanor? Where is Melrose with her backstabbing ways, and her foil Caridee? Where is the drama???


Heather, Jenah and Ambreal won the challenge. I did enjoy a slightly defensive Ambreal insisting that challenges mean something in judging. If you watch the show at all, you know they absolutely don’t mean a dang thing. All that matters to the judges are the photo shoots.

Heather gets to do a shoot with Mathew Ralston, who is legitimately a big photographer. She is styled by Mary J. Blige. I was proud of my girl Heather, and glad to see her win. But I was still bored.

Even the judging was boring until the very end. The girls took pictures as recycled materials, which is truly recycled material.  It was fitting that Ebony, the one who seemed like she would inherit the Jade crazy crown at the beginning of the season, was dressed as bubble wrap. She is probably the dumbest girl in the history of ANTM, and she’s not very nice to boot. My favorite thing about her that in all her pictures she’s got a stank lip. That’s the official fashion term for having a bad smell in the small space between the lip and the nose, causing the model to curl her lip into a snarl. The judges call her out on it. I almost laughed! Something I thought I had forgotten how to do! Tonight she admitted that she wanted to go home. She’s totally a baby; it’s clear she’s used to getting her way, and doesn’t have the strength of character (if that’s what it is) to take the heat of ANTM’s kitchen.

I’m going to put a little spoiler alert right here. SPOILER ALERT. At the end of judging, Ebony and Ambreal are unsurprisingly the bottom two. Ebony swaggers up to Tyra, convinced she’s thrown it for herself and she’s gonna get the boot. And of course, Ambreal is asked to leave. But instead of jumping up and down because she is saved, Ebony looks dumbfounded. Well more dumbfounded then usual. She blurts out that she wants to go home. Tyra is absolutely shocked, and for a moment seems almost speechless.


But our Miss Tyra finds her sharp tongue, and tells Ebony that she hates a quitter and sends her away. I kind of hoped that she would make her stay, as punishment. That would have been good T.V. But no, Ebony leaves. Ebony’s so dumb that seeing Tyra bitch her out is oddly deflating, like a cat toying with a mouse. Then, in a moment of pure high condescension, Tyra embraces Ambreal and tells her it’s meant to be. Tyra knows Ambreal really wants it, and she now has a second chance. I want a second chance too! To get the hour back I just lost getting to that one morsel of drama!