By David Valdes
An eyesore of a sculpture on Bob and Lee's front lawn took center stage on Sunday's episode of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. You see, not only did the sculpture look like the inner workings of a garbage disposal but it also served as a remarkably noisy fountain. A fountain Bob and Lee - gotta love 'em - decided to turn on at six in the morning. Naturally, the post-modern art piece upsets the residents of Wisteria Lane and not 15 minutes goes by before Bree, Susan, Gaby, McCluskey and Katherine are plotting to get rid of it. As Bree put it, "Of all the gay men in the world, we have to get the two without taste!"
Of course, all of this sculpture nonsense is just setup for a showdown between Lynette and Katherine when they both announce they are running for president of the homeowner's association. Lynette's platform would be freedom of expression, or something, and Katherine's would be, you know, the opposite. Lynette's motivation to run for the position is the treehouse her kids play in. It is the one place where there is no talk of cancer or being sick and Lynette wants to make sure some homeowner's code against having treehouses doesn't jeopardize that.
The love triangle involving Carlos, Gaby and Bree got off to a funny start this week when Gaby noticed a suspicious van parked outside of her home. She assumes it is someone hired by Victor to keep an eye on her (i.e. spy) while he is away on business. Problem is, Gaby is trying to have a romantic weekend with Carlos. To go undetected, Gaby sneaks out of her house disguised as one of her 12-year-old-boy landscapers. It's quite the sight gag, especially because Eva Longoria Parker makes a surprisingly convincing 12-year-old boy.
Once at their hotel, Carlos and Gaby face another roadblock in the form of John Rowland. Yep, Jesse Metcalf is back once again as the ex-gardener with whom Gaby had her first affair. I understand he is a fan favorite mostly because of his looks but I think I am ready to be done with this character. This time, he was with very ditzy and very pregnant wife ("It wasn't planned," the ditzy wife volunteered with a smile). As expected, John made his way to Gaby's hotel room where he thought she was staying alone. He said he was ready to start things up with her again, and he recounted all of their sexiest hook-ups. Carlos was hiding in the closet during all of this, fuming. So for those keeping score at home: The ex-gardener is all grown up and dressed well, while the ex-husband is hiding in the closet in his underwear. How the tables have turned!
Over at the Hodge house, Bree was furious that her late husband's mother took Danielle home with her. Basically, Bree and Orson realize that the only way to get Danielle back home is to bribe her. I like how the writers have made Danielle as one-dimensional as possible. I've always said that Andrew was the more interesting sibling and it's fun to see the show embracing that. At one point, Danielle actually said, "You know what you did to Dad. You emasculated him! Well you're not going to emasculate me!" I love it.
A little bit more Katherine news leaked this week when Bob and Lee told her that knew "all about Chicago" and the horrible thing that happened there. What we now know is that (1) something very bad happened in Chicago and (2) it involves something her husband did and (3) her husband has been repeatedly established as a horny devil. I'm not exactly sure what the HOUSEWIVES is driving at with these clues because, so far, whatever happened in Chicago doesn't seem that bad. We shall see.
Most importantly, though, who is ready for next week's Halloween-themed episode? Although it bugs me like you-don't-even-know that said episode takes place four days after the holiday, the preview for the episode looked like so much fun. Danielle disguising her pregnancy by dressing up as her not-really-pregnant mother? Perfect. What did everyone think of tonight's episode? Are Gaby and Carlos really going to last six months apart? What has Edie got planned now that we know it was SHE who hired the private detective to snoop on them? And who in the world would pay 24,000 dollars for that horrible, horrible sculpture on Bob and Lee's lawn?