Tuesday, October 30, 2007 Rant Archive
Darth Vader won at least a temporary victory on WEEDS – and he wasn’t even on the show.
Pretty much up until now, Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker) has been a middle class entrepreneur who just happens to sell marijuana to pay the bills. In The Dark Time, however, she goes over to the Dark Side.
Celia Hodes (Elizabeth Perkins) re-discovers what Nancy’s been up to. She’s ticked off because Nancy did the nasty with the guy she believed was her boyfriend. As bad, she’s in bad financial straits. So, Celia threatens Nancy with exposure unless she, Celia, gets a piece of the pie. But Nancy is in no mood to be shaken down. She grabs Celia, pulls her down and holds a knife to her throat. And concedes that in the past is she’s been susceptible to blackmail. But Celia is too late. “Call it bad timing, call it karma. But I’ve reached a tipping point.”
Ironically, as she threatens to kill her, Nancy caresses Celia’s hair, speaks softly to her, their faces just inches apart. Except for the knife, the moment is almost hot. (Although that could just be me.) But the moment is interrupted when Nancy’s young son Shane (Alexander Gould). “Say hello to Mrs. Hodes,” Nancy tells her bewildered son. “Were you really going to kill her,” he wonders.
Some people are just never satisfied.
As we all know – that is, as all of us fans of WEEDS know -- shortly before he died, crooked DEA agent Peter Scottson married drug dealer Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker). So, naturally, when his body was discovered, it is Nancy, the second and current Mrs. Scottson, who gets the insurance money and pension.
However, Nancy befriended Valerie (Brook Smith), the first Mrs. Scottson, and offers to pass along the insurance money to her -- though she’s entitled to zilch, zero, nada. But there’s a mishap, a slight problem that requires a slower rate of payment. Under the circumstances, do you think Valerie would be kind and understanding? Do you think she’d tell Nancy, I appreciate what you’re doing? I know you’ll pay me.
No, that doesn’t make for good TV. Instead, Valerie hires a private eye to follow Nancy. Sadly, the shamus is a crook. (As an aside, what a sad commentary on society when even private eyes are shady. Who do you trust if you can no longer believe in heroes created by the likes of Chandler and Parker and others?)
CALIFORNICATION has been one of the great pleasures of the last three months, principally because of Hank Moody (David Duchovny). Sure, he has a tendency toward violence and beds anything with large breasts. But his heart is pure. And so is his love for his now former girlfriend Karen (Natascha McElhone) and their daughter, Becca (Madeleine Martin).
But it all seems for naught. Things go awry from the beginning of The Last Waltz, the season finale. It is the day that Karen will marry Bill (Damian Young) and Becca gets her first visit from, as she put it, “It.” What’s a good daddy to do? All dressed up and prepared to go to a wedding, they rush to a convenience store where a woman grabs the last package of Tampons. Bill argues her, gets into a fight with her husband, but all ends well when the lady provides Becca with a quick tutorial. But it seems that’s the last thing that will end well on this day.
Off to the wedding. Hank promises to be on his best behavior. “I’m not going to make some quick romantic gesture,” he reassures Karen. When the minister asks if anyone has any objection to this marriage, he stays mum, as promised.
However, Mia (Madeline Zima), Bill’s 16-year-old (and every inebriated) daughter gets up and urges them not to knot. She tells her dad that he’s still grieving over his dead wife and Karen that she still longs for Hank. Hank tries to quiet her down. Even though Mia stole the manuscript of Hank’s new novel -- and is claiming credit for it -- he doesn’t want her to embarrass herself and ruin Karen’s wedding. But trying to shush her only makes it worse. Instead of shutting up, Mia blurts out that she and Hank had slept together. You can see the shock on everyone’s face, including Karen and Becca. Hank’s whole world starts falling apart.
Poor Hank Moody (David Duchovny). As CALIFORNCATION’S excellent first season comes to a close – this is the penultimate episode (and I mention that only because I like to use the word “penultimate” every chance I get) -- Hank is back in the doldrums.
To start with, 16-year-old Mia (Madeline Zima) has the only copy of his new book – and she’s claiming she wrote it. (He lost the original in a carjacking.) Mia’s agent Dani (Rachel Miner) loves the book and so do the publishers she’s offered it to. It’s about a 16-year-old girl who has an affair with an older writer.
Nothing Hank says convinces Mia to tell the truth. He can’t push too hard, because he is in fact the older writer and Mia is the very mature looking 16-year-old on which the novel is based. That he didn’t know she was 16 and that she came on to him doesn’t matter. What matters is that he doesn’t want to get arrested. And he doesn’t want his former girl friend Karen (Natascha) to find out. Karen is currently engaged to Bill (Damian Young), who also happens to be Mia’s father.
Which brings about another complication. Hank still loves Karen. She probably still loves him, but is going through with the wedding anyway – or at least so it seems. This speeds up Hank’s downward spiral, something their super bright daughter Becca (Madeleine Martin) senses.
Looks like there’s a new Ted Mosby in town – and this one’s got a huge schlong. That’s what the gang discovers after Barney finds a porn movie with another Ted Mosby in it. So the boys are off to the Adult Video Expo to find the new Ted in town.
In other news, Marshall (Jason Segel) has to decide between taking a job with the NRDC (the good company) or the big evil law firm, which would steal his soul but pay handsomely for it. And let the guest cameos commence!
First we have none other than Harold from HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE (John Cho) playing the evil lawyer Jefferson Coatsworth, who turns out to be a pretty nice guy and woos Marshall over to the dark side with scotch and corn dogs. It turns out the firm is totally corrupt and the theme park Marshall is about to represent will go down hard. But we find out about that through flash-forwards, so no need to worry for a few seasons.
ABC keeps saying SAMANTHA WHO? is the number one comedy in America. I’ve been watching for the past three weeks and I can tell you either ABC is lying or America can no longer register “funny”. Either way, it’s a terrible travesty when a sitcom like SAMANTHA WHO? sweeps the nation.
This week Samantha (Christina Applegate) putzes around the apartment formerly shared with her boyfriend Todd (Berry Watson), listening to countless amounts of voicemails from people accusing her of various indiscretions. She screams “I’M SORRY!” into her answering maching as her outgoing voicemail. It looks like the new Samantha is going to have to spend the rest of her natural life making up for the stuff she’s already done. On her way out of the apartment building the doorman gives Samantha a dress dropped off from the tailor. It’s a bridesmaid dress! Good God someone actually made the mistake of inviting this bitch to be apart of their wedding party. Shall hilarious times ensue? Probably not!
So Samantha, her best friend Dena (Melissa McCarthy), & her parents decide to share a room in this swank hotel and attend the wedding. When Samantha gets there she runs into Todd, hired to photograph the wedding, & Andrea (Jennifer Espositio) who tell her she was uninvited by the bride. When the bride sees Samantha she throws a drink in her face. Andrea goes onto explain that she decided to attend the wedding because the bride owns a yacht and she needs people like that in her life. Andrea must be from Los Angeles. Samantha then decides to leave and goes upstairs with Dena. Dena gives her a speech telling her that she should go and make her presence known to the bride and apologize, showing the bride she’s an entirely new person.
To recapture interest in this show I have stated that they need to find a true villain, an evil nemesis for Chuck. This week the writers at least took the bat off their shoulders and swung at this goal. It wasn’t a home run though, more like a bloop single.
It started with such promise too. A young weapons designer for the government escapes his apparent captivity and returns to the Santa Monica pier, the location of his “recruitment.” Here he is identified by Chuck and the Intersect as dangerous. It is a fortunate thing Chuck keeps bumping into spies and fugitives on random outings otherwise the world would have been blowed-up three or four times already.
At first this fugitive, Lahzlo, strikes a sympathetic chord. He approaches Chuck with a water pistol so, of course he seems Chuck-like, i.e. ineffectual, bumbling and goofy. Plus, he says he’s never seen a Bond movie. And he warns Chuck that his handlers are spying on him, that he should check his place for bugs. Sure enough, Agents Sarah and Casey have him tapped to the hilt. Lahzlo uses this fissure to further gain chuck’s trust and it seems this might be a worthy foe as he shares a similar build, look and geekyness. Great villains are supposed to be mirror images of the heroes, right? The car chase and big fight this week involved multiple slappings and doughnuts in the Buy More parking lot. They are virtually the same person.
Fox has released the new trailer for 24. They've shut down CTU, a chick is President, and jack is in Washington D.C. So big changes await the new season that premieres on January 13th 2008.
Any film fan who watches more than, say, three films made somewhere besides Hollywood realizes that different cultures use different storytelling grammars and conventions. In some cases, the differences aren’t so large. In others, the difference can be startling. Hong Kong films are a good case in point; by Western standards, HK cinema is often chaotic, wildly melodramatic, and done on the cheap, laughably so in many cases. Once you’ve seen a couple, though, you realize that much of that initial impression is due to cultural factors, and you can enjoy the stories on their own merits. There are many great HK films to enjoy, but one of the most deliriously fun to watch is the 1993 classic THE BRIDE WITH WHITE HAIR.
The film opens with reluctant hero Cho Yi-Hang (Leslie Cheung) sitting on a mountain, guarding a fabled rose rumored to grant healing and possibly immortality to those who ingest it. Since it only blooms every 20 years, one might understand the demand for such a thing. Anyway, after beating up some royal retainers trying to save their king, we flashback a few years, to when Cho was but a boy. After his parents die, Cho is taken in by the leader of the Eight Clans (Fang Pao) and groomed by his master to succeed him as Joint Chief. Cho grows up to become a mighty swordsman, but has a serious handicap: he’s just too damn nice. He’d rather forgive wrongs, protect the helpless and give peace a chance than slaughter his enemies where they stand, a stance that puzzles his master and rubs his rival Ho Lu Hua (Kit Ying Lam) the wrong way, especially as she wants the Joint Chief gig.
It’s Halloween. You’ve come back from trick or treating, and gone through all the candy. You’re a clever trader and managed to corner the market on Three Musketeers bars, giving up only the cheap crap the family on the corner gives out every year.
Now comes the best part of the evening. You’re ready for your sugar high and a horror movie.
What to do? With impeccable timing, if not cinematic skill, the folks at Warner Bros. have released the DVD of THE REAPING, a film perfect for this time of year. Why, perfect you ask. Is the film that good?
To which I reply: “What are you smoking, weed?” Of course not. The film is terrible. But consider its tagline: “What hath God wrought?” It is about the Lord visiting the 10 plagues on a small Louisiana community. While you, chomping on your day’s booty, are celebrating what originated as a pagan holiday. Have you no shame?
Apparently Hilary Swank doesn’t. She stars as Katherine Winter, a former minister who lost her faith in God when her husband and child were murdered in the Sudan where she was doing missionary work. Over the last several years she’s taught at Louisiana State University, specializing in debunking so-called religious miracles.
For all you non-believers out there who thought HEROES had fallen into a sophomore slump, I hope you caught this week’s episode. It just might be the best of the season thus far.
Sylar (Zachary Quinto) and Maya (Dania Ramirez) are getting a bit friendly, but he only likes her for her deadly power. Alejandro (Shalim Ortiz) doesn’t like it and the boys tussle. The usual words are exchanged: “I’ll let you die if my sister’s eyes bleed again” and “I plan to kill you and your sister if I ever get my powers back.” You know, normal stuff.
Hiro (Masi Oka) finally reveals his love to Yaeko (Eriko Tamura) with pretty bad results. It turns out nothing’s worse than a samurai scorned because Kensei (David Anders) turns Hiro, Yaeko, and her father over to White Beard.
Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) is finally heading out of Ireland with Caitlin (Katie Carr) in tow. She’s distraught about her brother’s death and declares that she must travel with Peter “to kill that bitch.” Hell yeah, more power to the Irish lasses! They are heading to the building Peter painted in his Isaac Mendes haze. But, just as the show goes, I’ll save the rest of that story for the end.
Tonight on JOURNEYMAN, Dan (Kevin McKidd) is sent reeling through time in order to help two brothers who are being abused by their father. This one hit a little too close to home for our time-traveling savior, as he and his brother went through some trying times with their own father. Sadly the once close brothers have drifted apart, due in large part to the fact that Dan can’t confide in his brother about what’s been going on with him. Oh, and there’s also the fact that Dan has married his older brother’s ex-girlfriend. It appears Jack (Reed Diamond) may still be harboring some unresolved feelings for the lady in question. Than there is Dan’s less than stellar past, which includes a few addictions, namely gambling. Being a cop, Jack smells something fishy going on with his baby brother, he just doesn’t know exactly what it is. And as usual, there is Livia (Moon Bloodgood), appearing at just about every one of Dan’s time traveling expeditions.
One of the pluses, or minuses depending on how you look at it, of his new lifestyle is the fact that Dan sometimes ends up in his own past, and those of the people he loves. Tonight, is a perfect example of that, when he and Livia wind up in close proximity of Jack and Katie (Gretchen Egolf) during a very intimate conversation. Remember this is in the past, so the conversation in question happened shortly after the two broke up. I don’t know which is more awkward, listening to your brother and wife’s pillow talk, or listening to it with your ex-fiancé. Whichever the case may be, it’s just one of the many uncomfortable situations Dan has been finding himself in lately. But that doesn’t diminish the fact that Dan has serious business to attend to, and saving people’s lives – literally and figuratively – gives him a high even gambling can’t compete with.