By Buzz Byrne
As SURVIVOR trundles along, season after season, there are a few definites that every player should have picked up by now. Don’t be lazy, don’t be the first leader of a tribe off the boat and don’t, I don’t care how tall and frosty and delicious it looks, don’t drink the alcohol that is provided at feasts. Now understand, I love beer. I even have a taste for smoky sweet bourbon so I’m no teetotaler. But something happens when these game show contestants are starved then offered booze, they just can’t say no to it. And either they embarrass themselves profoundly or they screw up their bodies or it leads to a failure in the game.
That’s what happened tonight.
Picking up the action at Fei Long after they voted out Sherea and her pixilated fanny crack, Courtney has seemingly forgotten it is a game and cannot stand to be in the presence of Jean-Robert. She had a certain power over him just a few short weeks ago but now has reverted to this bratty little whiner who stomps her bony feet when nobody votes the way she wants them to. She can’t even bring herself to appreciate the possibility that her alliance might do her some good. Of the leaders of her alliance she said, “I dislike everyone else more than I dislike Todd and Amanda. I guess they mistake that for friendship.” Yeesh. I swear, someone is going to sneeze next to her and she’ll break four ribs.
At Zhan Hu, James searches for the second immunity idol. He knows it is one of the placards over the archway and the first one he hurriedly pries off isn’t it. He casts that aside and gets the real one before the rest of his temporary tribe returns. Jaime later notices the missing placards, finds the discarded one and assumes it is the immunity idol. Later she goes through James’ bag and feels similar items stuffed in his clothes. Now she is convinced that they scared James in his hunt and he got the wrong one. We are also left wondering if she maybe took the idols in James’ possession. It’s hard to imagine that would be within the rules but who knows.
There was no reward challenge, just a change and then a reward. It was merger time! “Drop your buffs!” Jeff tells them. Then he informs the new single tribe that they will have a feast accompanied by “Chinese cultural performances.” I’ve seen song, dance and art performed that express a culture but never have I seen an actual culture performed beyond a throat one. But I bet Jeff knows the difference and I’m just being a stuffy hoo-ha. Jeff strikes me as the kind of guy who appreciates culture so long as no one touches his hair dryer.
It is during the feast that much wine and beer is served and consumed. And the performances are acrobats, plate spinners and contortionists. Did Ed Sullivan rise from the grave to book the Chinese culture? Sweet and Sour Pork was one of the foods! China is the largest holder of our nation’s foreign debt. Can we maybe stop trying to piss them off by sending Jeff Probst to their country?
The first individual immunity challenge was a quiz the next day about details from the feast. I told you not to drink! The first question knocked four people out. Despite the intoxication, Frosti won and nobody was more shocked than he.
As the tribal council neared there was plenty of hand wringing on Peih-Gee’s part. Jean-Robert wanted her gone because he can feel her working the tribe. The group was all for going after Jaime, who was confident she had an immunity idol. Courtney remained a wildcard and seems immune to the fact that if she becomes a liability of trustworthiness, she will get kicked out before the rest of the old Zhan Hu people.
When it came time for the votes to be read, Jaime had the sense to present the placard and say she thought it “might” be an immunity idol. I was hoping for an In-Your-Face heiny dance as she flipped people off, but she was demure. Jeff was all business and explained to us that when immunity is played the next person with the highest votes goes. But this wasn’t an idol so he tossed it in the fire and Jaime was voted off the mainland. “I’m very good at playing stupid,” she said earlier in the episode. Sometimes you can be too good at something.