By Curt Schleier

I spent this last hour of TELL ME YOU LOVE ME looking for someone I could love.  Anyone.  Because the more I’ve gotten to know the whiney, self-pitying, childish characters, the more I’ve come to dislike them.  Frankly, that’s not a good sign.

The best I could come up with is Carolyn (Sonya Walger); it wasn’t so much that I liked her but I started to feel sorry for her. She finally got pregnant and pretty much no one she tells is happy for her.  Her sister just gives her a blank stare, her boss tells her bad timing and her husband, Palek (Adam Scott), tells her he’s still not interested in having kids and is now even less interested in having sex.  That leads to dialogue such as:

“I’m pregnant. Okay?  I don’t need you to bullshit me.  I just need you to find a way to be in this with me.”

“What if I can’t?”

“You can.” Pause.  “You can.”

Understandably after that exchange, Palek goes to see therapist May Foster (Jane Alexander) without his wife.  There he reveals that he has daddy issues.  His father abandoned him and mom when he was about three years old.  Daddy didn’t want a child, either.  Dr. Foster urges Palek to come back for additional counseling with Carolyn.


Meanwhile, there may be hope there after all. Palek and Carolyn go to friends’ son’s seventh birthday party.  Palek is assigned to chaperone some youngsters and it almost looks as though he’s enjoying himself. Imagine, a break through without Dr. Foster. Actually I find it difficult to conceive of a breakthrough with Dr. Foster, but what do I know?

As expected, Katie (Ally Walker) and Dave (Tim DeKay) are still not having sex.  Katie feels increasingly uncomfortable as Dr. Foster asks her about her last orgasm and various sexual positions.  She wants to quit therapy, but Dr. Foster, who apparently needs the business, urges her to continue.

This is a whiney couple that just infuriates me.  She wants to have sex, even though she rarely has an orgasm. He just seems to want to masturbate.  Why doesn’t anyone suggest he try a miracle pill?  Then the only time he’d have to see a doctor is if his erection lasts more than four hours.

On the subject of masturbation, their daughter Isabella (Aislinn Paul) is at that age where, as she confides in mom, she’s kind of touching herself.  You know.  Down there.  This of course prompts Katie to exclaim to Dave: “I’m surrounded by masturbators,” a sentiment not likely to intensify his interest sex.  

Katie wants to have another child, and sex of course will be a prerequisite. Dave seems interested, but wants to clear it with Dr. Foster first.

Which leaves us with Jamie (Michelle Borth).  One of the great things about these discussions on the Internet is that we’re permitted to use more descriptive and colorful language.  In print, I might be limited to saying she is something that rhymes with bitch.  But here you can call a witch a witch.


Jamie is upset that Nick (Ian Somerhalder), her boyfriend fixed her toilet without asking permission.  At the end of the show, the two are in bed, and he asks her to TELL ME YOU LOVE ME, which presumably is how the show got its title.  She can’t.  Fade to black.  And not a moment too soon.