By Kofi Outlaw
Now I’m mad. Halo 3 is not (I repeat NOT) just for the nerd of heart. It is a complex and cognitively demanding battle simulator, designed to make soldiers out of couch-jockeys worldwide and— oh my God… Am I a nerd?

This week’s episode found the nerd-squad gathering for their Friday night Halo 3 throw-down. Geeks will be geeks. Just as some serious gaming was about to go down, Penny came bursting in the door, looking for a place to hide out from the slutty high school friend who was crashing at her apartment. That explanation was enough for nerd-Don-Juan Wolowitz, who ran off to capitalize on the “easy opportunity” with Penny’s friend, leaving Penny to fill in as fourth member of the nerd-squad Halo team.

When Wolowitz and Penny’s friend’s hookup turned into a sleepover, Penny had to crash on Leonard and Sheldon’s couch for a night, which was too close for the neurotic comfort of Sheldon. The next day Penny urged her friend to find a new crash pad, which Wolowitz was more than happy to offer.


With Wolowitz occupied by sex, the nerd-squad found themselves down to a trio. A trip to their local Chinese food spot nearly drove Sheldon mad with mathematical incongruities (there are four dumplings they usually split, four entrees, yada yada yada…) Things denigrated even worse as Friday rolled around and they were faced with (gasp!) uneven teams to play Halo. They tried to recruit Penny, who unfortunately had a life, going out dancing with her girlfriends. This was the last straw: the nerds vowed to return Wolowitz to the fold.

The task turned out to be easy: Wolowitz’s mother and his new skank were too volatile a mix for him to handle; he gladly rejoined the squad. Happily reunited the nerd-squad enjoyed a night of Halo so intense, none of them even noticed when Penny came by with a group of hot girls in tight dresses, jokingly offering to have sex with them.


Ok, so I can take a jab a my love of Halo in stride—after all, my girlfriend gives me hell every time I fire it up, so why not television, right? What I’m having more trouble enduring is the character of Sheldon. Every week it seems Sheldon’s neurosis gets more and more over the top until I want to give the geek a bloody nose myself! No wonder nerds get picked on! This guy needs a girl STAT, before I have to start sending CBS bills for TV’s smashed in anger.