By Sabrina Cognata
Our little Betty (America Ferrera) has become a woman & by that I mean she’s finally the trampy whore I always hoped she could be. Now if I could just wish her some style and a dietician my life could be complete. This week we find Hildra running back and forth from her room to Betty’s room to help hide the fact that Betty spent the night with Henry. Everything is going fine until their father comes in and Hilda is pretending to be Betty when Betty starts climbing in through her own window. This leads to a blow out fight and Betty moves out and says she isn’t going to her father’s naturalization ceremony for becoming a citizen. She asks Cristina if she can stay with her, but Henry finds out about this and swoops down like an ugly night in shining armor, saying she’ll stay with him. If this wasn’t so dramatic, I’d vomit a little in my mouth. And while we’re talking about vomit, did anyone see Henry’s body a couple of weeks ago? If only we could cut off his stupid head.
Anyways, things for Wilhelmina (Vanessa Williams) are not going great. It seems her perfect wedding is being upstaged by Perfect Spice aka her Maid of Honor aka Posh/Victoria Beckham. Wilhelmina even tries to put Posh in a burlap sack in order to make herself look that much better, but much to her dismay Posh continues to shine as a golden idol of fashion awesome. On her wedding day, Wilhelmina has had just about enough of Posh and has her bodyguard lock her up in the ladies room & Wilhelmina proudly exclaims she’ll just have to go on without a maid of honor. Awesome.
Meanwhile, Daniel (Eric Mabius) becomes conflicted over even attending his father, Bradford’s wedding. When Bradford sees the amazing job Alexis (Rebecca Romijn) does obtaining advertisers after the fiasco from a couple of weeks ago he literally dumps Daniel as his best man asking Alexis, his transsexual daughter to stand in his place. At first, Daniel says he refuses to attend the wedding, but then he ends up catching Wilhelmina in a morning tryst with the bodyguard she’s been schtooping. Since Daniel has no set evidence he goes to the church to warn his father.
While this is going on, Daniel convinces Betty to attend her father’s naturalization ceremony. While she’s there her father tells her he knows that she betrayed Daniel to get him the opportunity to become a citizen via Wilhelmina. Her father says what she did was more than he could have ever hoped for & he tells her she needs to go to Daniel and tell him about Wilhelmina’s infidelities. Betty races to the church and does just that, but when she tells Daniel she waited four months to tell him he’s openly disappointed with her and fires her on the spot. He then confronts his father in the middle of the ceremony. Bradford is physically upset by the entire fiasco and tells Daniel he doesn’t even care, but when he returns to the alter he takes one look at the body guard and another at Wilhelmina becomes dizzy and passes out.
Because I check next week’s previews I know that Bradford doesn’t die & that Daniel is going to beg Betty to come back to him. I guess what we really need is Daniel to get drunk enough to screw Betty and together they can have the world’s ugliest spawn. Ok, maybe not, but a girl can always dream, right?