By Brandon Nolta

This week’s installment in the 21st century update of BIONIC WOMAN begins with a business transaction: a buttload of cash and bearer bonds for a list of some kind. A list of what? Probably not a list of what goes into Mom’s killer apple oatmeal cookies; this is an espionage-focused show, after all. However, at this point, I’m already thinking I saw this when it was MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, so as long as nobody pulls off their face to reveal Tom Cruise underneath, we should be OK.

Anyway, it turns out to be a robbery, which catches the Berkut Group fellers so off guard that the thief, a bad dude named Victor Booth, gets away. Considering they were keeping this deal under surveillance, that doesn’t say a whole lot for them. Maybe now the need for a $50 million upgrade to a genius bartender makes more sense, no?

So, it turns out that the list has the names of CIA and Berkut Group operatives in the field (give a shout to the M:I scribes), so Jaime (Michelle Ryan) gets to head off to the next meet with a CIA agent in tow. The meet’s in Paris, so is it a coincidence that Jaime requests and gets Tom, the studly CIA fellow she banged in the last episode, assigned to go with her? She’s not happy with him right now, as it’s been nine days and he hasn’t called her back. Someone’s gonna get a bionic beatdown. Then again, it is Paris, and they are both globe-hopping agents of justice and random destruction. Maybe love will blossom.


Anyway, the dynamic duo is out to find an arms dealer with a penchant for plastic surgery, so bust out the bionic eyes and face recognition software. Whee! Jaime and Tom hit the party on the prowl for arms dealers and other scum puppies, when they meet a guy (Callum Keith Rennie) they think is their man. Surprise! It is. No surprise; Rennie’s a reliable bad guy. Mr. Booth locks them in a wine cellar and heads off to the buy, but remember, Jaime’s got those bionic gams. They show up for a fight, Jaime tackles a guy she thinks is Victor out a window, but when the extraction team shows up and snags him and Jaime, it ain’t the big bad wolf. Worse, Tom was left behind. This triggers the CIA’s “ghost mission” response, but fortunately for Tom, the Berkut Group runs on different principles. Meanwhile, Becca (Lucy Hale), Jaime’s sister, gets herself in trouble with the cops for driving without license or sobriety, and who bails her out? That’s right, Jaime’s boss Jonas (Miguel Ferrer), just the guy you don’t want to see when you’re in trouble. Wonder how this’ll play out in future episodes.

Other than my ongoing doubts that a guy like Jonas would put up with some of the behavior from Jaime that he does, $50 million investment or not, BIONIC WOMAN is steadily inching closer to finding its groove. Of course, the writers’ strike makes it more likely that this show will be given its head for as many episodes as are in the can already, but the comfort level with the characters and the situations has steadily increased. More importantly, the writers have finally clued in to the idea that developing a storyline might not be a bad way to go. It’s not yet where it needs to be, but BIONIC WOMAN continues to improve. One request, though, Eick et al: No fembots. Got enough of that in AUSTIN POWERS, thanks.