By Matthew Wood

I’m trying to equate what it’s like to watch DIRTY SEXY MONEY. It’s not necessarily a car crash where you can’t look away, because there’s a certain amount of tragedy in that. With DSM, it’s not necessarily tragedy. It’s just … bad TV. But for some reason, I just can’t get enough of it. Does that make me a bad person?

Maybe it’s the same as with these “reality” shows that are popping up all over MTV and VHI and others. I hate this crap. Never watch it. I don’t even know what channel MTV is on my cable box. But I hear people talk about these shows like they’re the greatest thing ever. I’ve seen pieces of “The Hills,” and I’ll tell you, that show is so friggin’ stupid. I could feel my brain cells dying during the commercial breaks. But people can’t get enough of it.

I felt the same way on Wednesday night. As we hit the midway point, I checked my DVR to see how much was left, and actually let out an audible “yes” when I saw there was another 30 minutes of Darling drama left. God I’m a dork.


Anyway, quick synopsis of the episode: Karen (Natalie Zea) finally gets hitched to Freddy the “B-list golfer” … and then has it annulled, before they could even cut the cake. She still wants Nick (Peter Krause) and professes her love for him with a kiss. He’s unimpressed – or is he? Only time will tell. Also, Pat (William Baldwin) seeks Simon Elder’s (Blair Underwood) advice in personal and professional matters, much to the chagrin of Tripp (Donald Sutherland), who spends most of the episode sucking down a bottle of tequila (a tradition he picked up from Karen’s second father-in-law).  Brian Jr.’s mom shows up and wants him back. But she’s a poor little tree-hugger, so good luck with that. Oh, and Natalie writes a pop song about forgiveness for Juliet. But I’m sooo over those girls by now.

Some other observations:
-- I could watch Jack Bauer’s dad (Tripp) get drunk all day. He kills a bottle of tequila throughout the course of the episode. That’s awesome. You don’t often see someone who plays drunk very well, but the original Donald pulls it off.

-- Brian Jr.’s baby mama would be kind of hot, if she wasn’t a dirty hippie. You know that girl hasn’t showered in months, having travelled to Brazil and all.

-- Juliet is getting less and less hot with each episode. She used to be a bit of a tragic figure. Now she’s just becoming a little cheap. That’s such a turnoff.

-- Patrick’s marriage is starting to look like a young Bill and Hillary Clinton. Ol’ girl made it quite clear that she’s in the marriage for the power. And apparently he’s in it for the hot s/he action. So I guess that would mean Carmelita the tranny is Gennifer Flowers. Yeah, I could see that.