Tuesday, November 20, 2007 Rant Archive
So Juila (Joley Richardson) is back, visiting Los Angeles and destroying the lives of Sean (Dylan Walsh) and Christian (Julian McMahon). Not only is she seeing someone new, she’s seeing a woman, a beautiful woman, Ollie (Portia de Rossi). Sean and Christian take this as a major blow. Christian realizes that Julia isn’t cut out to be a lifetime lesbian and goes in for the kill, pushing Sean into his relationship with Kate, even though all he’s done since the beginning is give Sean hell about her.
Sean’s certainly in a pickle this week. Kate admits her eating disorder to him after she accidentally loses her bowels in the hot tub. After consoling her about the entire incident he really has to give some thought to what he’s getting into, as Kate is insecure and crazy in her own right. When things cannot get any weirder, Sean gets a visit from an 18-year-old girl, Eden, asking to have her hymen replaced. In the middle of the consultation she tries seducing the cute television doctor. Sean asks to have a parent present and finally has to throw her out of his office. Eventually, Sean realizes Eden is Ollie’s daughter and Eden’s going to cause as many problems for him as possible as she manipulates his daughter, Annie, into going to prep school with her in Santa Barbara in order to get what she wants.
Really, this episode has more to do with the gigantic transformation going on for Sean (Dylan Walsh) and Christian (Julian McMahon) in regards to the surroundings their in and how they’re responding to them. Naturally, we all expect one of them to shine a little brighter cause it’s always been that way, but things are not always as they seem. Christian’s an utter flop with the Los Angeles culture and people find him slightly offensive. Dylan on the other hand is finally flourishing. He’s a regular on Hearts n’ Scalpels and has started a romance with his fellow actor, Kate Tinsley (Paula Marshall) and is getting recognized all over Los Angeles for the role he plays on TV. This can only lead to Christian being a bigger, more pompous asshole than usual, right?
Christian is approached to enhance the breasts of a Marilyn Monroe impersonator who is desperately competing with another impersonator for the same spot on Hollywood boulevard. Sound like anyone we know? Christian understands her desire to squash the competition, so to speak, and he happily agrees to apply his craft to a Kinko’s copy of one of the world’s sexiest women. At the same time, her nemesis visits Sean and asks for the same procedure. When Christian and the other Marilyn find out Sean simply says that money is money and they currently need the business so what difference does it make. It’s a slap in the face to both the Marilyns, who’re stuck in the same post op room, and Christian just because he’s Christian.
A few seasons ago, I watched Dr. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) place a paper bag on a woman’s head and proceed to have sex with her, in that moment I realized what love was and Nip/Tuck wants me to show you. Oh man, life isn’t nearly complete without a thinly veiled Foreigner reference throw into the lead of any review. I SWEAR THIS TO YOU.
At the end of last season Dr. Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh) flees the drama and haunting past of Miami to escape the disintegration of his marriage, medical practice, friendships and sanity. The obvious place to relocate, to really get away from the hell that was his life, is Beverly Hills where his partner, Dr. Christian Troy decides to join him after leaving his whoring fiancée. In short Los Angeles is that much cooler than Miami. HELLO, LOS ANGELES IS FILLED WITH BETTER LOOKING PEOPLE AND ACTORS AND AN ENTIRE POPULATION DEVOID OF PERSONALITY AND SOULS. Drs. Troy and McNamara have located their happy place and all they have to do is figure out how to manipulate it.
It seems everything Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker) has built these last three television years of WEEDS is going up in smoke. Literally. And all she can say “Oy ve.” But when you hear what happened, you’ll understand that “oy ve” is in fact the most appropriate response.
Threatened by a motorcycle club unhappy that she chose not to purchase merchandise from them, Nancy bought protection from the same Hispanic gang for which she’d done her famous Brick Dance earlier this season. It cost her 50% of her business, but it was worth it – or so she thought.
The Crips or Bloods or whatever gang this was took action immediately. They found out where the Hell’s Angels or Outlaws or whatever gang that was was growing its weed and set it ablaze. Oops. Turns out the Crips/Bloods/Whatever gang may have overdone it, starting the biggest blaze in California history. (By the way, the producers caution that the show was written and filmed well before the recent California fires and apologize for any bad vibes this episode raises.)
But as her brother-in-law Andy notes: “That’s what happens when you make a deal with the devil.”
Creator Tim Kring said that season two of HEROES was going to be more focused. Tonight’s episode definitely reflected that. The storyline mainly stayed with Claire (Hayden Panettiere), Mr. Bennett (Jack Coleman), and Mohinder (Sendhil Ramamurthy) with the other half of the story covered by Hiro (Masi Oka) and Matt (Greg Grunberg).
After Claire outed herself last week, Mr. Bennet decides it’s time to move. Claire, realizing exactly what her father did at the paper factory, decides she’s not going. Little does she know that Mohinder, Bob (Stephen Tobolowsky), and Elle (Kristen Bell) are after her blood, literally.
Hiro returns to the present, discovers his father’s murder, and decides that he must try to stop it. Meanwhile, Matt discovers his new Jedi mind tricks and uses them to his advantage.
The episode is called “Cautionary Tales,” but maybe it should’ve been called “Playing God” instead. With Hiro trying to stop a murder, Matt controlling people’s minds, and Noah trying to prevent the inevitable, everyone thinks they are stronger than fates and God himself. It turns out none of them are.
It may have taken a roof falling on his head, but at least Jack (Reed Diamond) is finally starting to believe Dan (Kevin McKidd) is on a serious mission to save the world one person at a time, as opposed to being a gambling junkie who’s about to cause his family ruin. Honestly, is it easier to believe your baby brother is a loser than to believe some unseen force is sending him back in time to make right what went wrong? Ok, maybe it is, especially considering Dan has had the gambling monkey on his back before. However, I still believe part of Jack wanted his brother to be throwing his marriage away; that way he might have a chance at getting his ex, Dan’s wife Katie (Gretchen Egolf), back. But, with Dan on the trail of an early 90s serial kidnapper, his brother and his suspicions’ are pretty low on his list of priorities.
Meanwhile, Katie is left to take care of things at home by herself once again, when her son starts to have some problems at school. Dan’s pretty lucky to have such an understanding wife.
Let the opening scenes of this week’s K-VILLE be a lesson to you folks out there who work in fields that require you to set a schedule: If you make an appointment, keep that appointment, and don’t break it without damn good reason. This week’s victim is a plastic surgeon who blew off his afternoon appointments, and the next thing you know, he’s dead. I don’t know that those two states are connected, but it’s a valuable lesson nonetheless.
Anyway, as Boulet (Anthony Anderson) and Cobb (Cole Hauser) investigate, things stop adding up. At first, it looks like a robbery-homicide, as interviews reveal the doc had a briefcase that wasn’t with his corpse. However, Cobb and Boulet follow some tracks to a trio of kids who found the briefcase—and the corpse—and are industriously trying to open the case. Cobb, being of a more subtle turn of mind, gets it open to find $50,000 in cash, begging the question of why the murderer didn’t take the case and the money. Following on the heels of that question is the wondering of what the hell the good doc was doing with $50,000 in cash. Even with tip, you’d be hard-pressed to find a lunch that costs that much.
This is the episode of CHUCK I have been waiting for. If done right, the show is about to make the jump from “promising” to “excellent.” A life and death climax where our heroes fail, the promise of love is crushed, bad guys get shot…dead even! And a sinister thread is revealed. So much for playing safe with the 8 PM timeslot. It’s about time.
A shipping container is being smuggled into the States through Finland. One of the bad guys doing the deed instructs the movers to be careful…the thing is alive. We see the ominous item in the container with an LED display, presumably counting down seventy three hours.
What would the holidays be without some friendly face smacking among friends? That’s what Marshall (Jason Segel) thinks, as he prepares for Slap #3 on Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) as part of their year-long “slap bet.”
Basically, Marshall is allowed to slap Barney five times, without warning, at his leisure. And he has picked Thanksgiving dinner as the time for the next slap. If you’ve been following the season, you’ll know Marshall has had a countdown on his computer for this day of reckoning, and he does his best to relish in the anticipation (making veiled references to “slapsgiving,” having a big “slapetite” and the like).
Family films are pretty tough to pull off. You’ve got to make sure kids can take the tone and content, but address matters in such a way that adults don’t get bored or go into insulin shock. Lots of studios try it, but only one consistently gets it right: Pixar. Other studios have done it, as there are a handful of truly family films out there (THE IRON GIANT and MILLIONS come right to mind), but it’s risky to do. Some filmmakers, however, like risk. Zach Helm, the guy that wrote STRANGER THAN FICTION, apparently is one, as his latest release, MR. MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM, falls into that family category. Fortunately for Mr. Helm, it’s pretty much a success, despite the treacly leanings of Walden Media, the production company behind the Emporium.
Edward Magorium (Dustin Hoffman) is a 243-year-old toy inventor, whose genius in creating toys and magic is exceeded only by his whimsical joy in life. He owns an honest-to-goodness magical shop, run by a spunky musical prodigy named Molly Mahoney (Natalie Portman) and assisted in all things magical by a lonely but cheerful nine-year-old named Eric (Zach Mills). While Eric’s tickled pink to be in the Emporium every waking minute, Mahoney’s true desire in life is to finish writing a concerto, but she feels stuck in life, in music and in art.
Unbeknownst to her, Magorium has decided his life is up, and wants to leave her the store when he’s gone. To that end, Magorium hires an accountant named Henry (Jason Bateman) to come and do an appraisal of the place. The store, however, is not amused by Magorium’s decision, and promptly begins to sulk.
THE SIMPSONS, “Husbands and Knives”: Comic Book Guy loses his captive audience to abuse when a hip fellow named Milo (Jack Black) opens up a competing shop across the way called Coolsville. Hell, right there is good enough for me, especially when Comic Book Guy’s unrighteous attack on Coolsville is repulsed by the wonder team of Alan Moore, Dan Clowes and Art Spiegelman (actually playing themselves). But, to make things more amusing, Marge decides to open a gym for regular women in the space vacated by the Nerd Wonder. Naturally, business booms, and Marge becomes quite the blue-haired tycoon.
Of course, a fly shows up in the ointment soon enough: Homer meets a passel of young, handsome second husbands living on “wife support,” and they soon convince him that his time being hitched to Marge is coming to an end. What does Homer decide to do in order to keep his love? Stomach stapling.
Hollywood (and we, the viewers,) is feeling the burn of the current
WGA strike, which has caused both television shows and prospective movies to be stalled or canceled. A bit of good news comes via
Variety, where it is being reported that striking writers and studio/network execs will once again sit down to negotiate on Nov. 26. Seems the suits are hoping that a few growling bellies come Thanksgiving will teach those greedy writers a lesson.
Seriously though, the make-nice announcement was made on Friday night, marking twelve days since Hollywood’s writing core first took to the picket line. The announcement was a joint statement between the WGA and the Alliance of Motion Picture & Television Producers. Up until now, the AMPTP had maintained the hard line that the WGA had to desist with their strike before negotiations could take place. Not so much anymore.
“We go where the chase leads us.” That’s how Special Agent Frank Lundy (Keith Carradine) defends his decision to follow the trail of the Bay Harbor Butcher as it leads straight into the heart of the Miami police department. He sends Debra (Jennifer Carpenter) and Angel (David Zayas) to follow up on one of the “victims”, a homicide suspect who was never convicted because Dexter (Michael C. Hall) botched the blood work. One of the loose ends of the case was a crazy next door neighbor Lenny Asher (another casting coup, Bruce Weitz) who made notes on everything he spied out his window. It is through this bit of police work that leads Lundy, Batista and Morgan to the unmistakable conclusion that someone in their ranks is absolutely the Butcher.
It is getting increasingly difficult for Dexter to remain in the shadows where, he says, “I always worked best.”
This is, oddly, the least of Dexter’s problems though. Lila and Debra officially hate each other and bicker over Dexter’s previously peaceful breakfast bar. Dexter also realizes that Lila probably started the fire in her place but he can’t figure out why.
Comedy star Seth Rogen (KNOCKED UP, SUPERBAD) is teaming with writer-actor-director Kevin Smith (CLERKS, CLERKS II) and the Weinstein Company for a film called ZACK & MIRI MAKE A PORNO. Nuff said.
If you haven’t yet surmised, the film follows Zack and Miri, two lifelong platonic friends who are facing serious debt—a problem that leads them to the sensible solution of making an XXX film to pay the bills. However, once they coerce their friends to start humping on-camera, Zack and Miri discover they have deeper feelings for one another, and romance ensues amidst debauchery. Elizabeth Banks (The nympho girl from 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN) is slated to star as Mimi, opposite Rogen.
The title alone promises “a load” of yuk-yuks, and given the hilarity that ensued the last time Rogen and Banks were on screen together in ‘VIRGIN—“Hey, I’m Cal,”—ZACK & MIRI is definitely starting off on the good food. Equally enthused about his cast is Smith:
“Getting Seth in this flick is like suddenly growing an extra six inches in the crotch,” said Smith. “And as if that wasn’t awesome enough, we scored the comedically and aesthetically gifted Elizabeth, too. Cast-wise, I’m now extremely well-hung.”
Michael Caffee (Jason Issacs) again dominates the screen in this week’s episode of BROTHERHOOD. After setting up Freddie Cork (Kevin Chapman) and getting him arrested Michael’s becomes even busier as he teams up with the U.S. Attorney, Ellis Franklin, in order to get rid of any and all of his competition, including Nozzoli (John Fiore), the Italian crime boss. Declan (Ethan Embry) is completely butt hurt over the fact that his work for Freddie Cork is no longer important and unnecessary so he decides to go to the FBI to snitch on his boss. The FBI sends him home telling him to STFU basically. Once he’s back on the job Ellis takes him aside and tells him he knows about his meeting with the feds. He then assigns Declan his new job—he’s Michael Caffee’s caseworker. Hilariously, Michael immediately asks Ellis if he high because Declan is a grade A screw up. Declan is personally offended by everything happening and he decides to tell Michael that Freddie had the hit put on him. Michael says he already knew that and Declan freaks and reports this to Freddie.
Like his brother, Tommy’s (Jason Clarke) having a few of his own problems. Eileen (Annabeth Gish) tells Tommy she wants to work outside the house, that she’s looking for something more to validate her existence. Tommy acts hurt that raising his children and running his house isn’t enough for Eileen, but she tells him that his sister Mary Kate has set her up with some volunteer work at Social Services.
When studio Warner Bros. first confirmed that it had green-lit a live-action version of DC Comics’ JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA, the rumor-mill immediately began to churn with talk about which actors would fill-out the tights of JLA heroes Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, Flash, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter and the lovely Wonder Woman. Warner Bros. execs have reportedly been scrambling as of late, trying to get JLA underway before it became another victim of the
WGA strike. First a director was chosen, George Miller (MAD MAX), and now the first alleged casting choices have been leaked to the
‘net. The names we have so far are:
Adam Brody (THE O.C.) as The Flash / Wally West
Rapper Common (SMOKIN ACES) as Green Lantern / John Stewart
Scott Porter (TV’s “FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS”) Superman / Clark Kent
Teresa Palmer (THE GRUDGE 2) as Talia Al Ghul, daughter of Ra’s Al Ghul