By Sabrina Cognata

A few seasons ago, I watched Dr. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) place a paper bag on a woman’s head and proceed to have sex with her, in that moment I realized what love was and Nip/Tuck wants me to show you.  Oh man, life isn’t nearly complete without a thinly veiled Foreigner reference throw into the lead of any review.  I SWEAR THIS TO YOU.

At the end of last season Dr. Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh) flees the drama and haunting past of Miami to escape the disintegration of his marriage, medical practice, friendships and sanity.  The obvious place to relocate, to really get away from the hell that was his life, is Beverly Hills where his partner, Dr. Christian Troy decides to join him after leaving his whoring fiancée.  In short Los Angeles is that much cooler than Miami.  HELLO, LOS ANGELES IS FILLED WITH BETTER LOOKING PEOPLE AND ACTORS AND AN ENTIRE POPULATION DEVOID OF PERSONALITY AND SOULS.  Drs. Troy and McNamara have located their happy place and all they have to do is figure out how to manipulate it.

So far, the doctors have wasted their settlement money from Michelle, Christian’s ex, on a posh Rodeo Drive plastic surgery clinic aesthetically perfect in every way possible with the exception of clients.  Christian and Sean decide to hunt for potential clients and create buzz for themselves by making a tour of the club circuit.  It comes as a devastating blow to their egos that everyone in Los Angeles is full of themselves as well as cosmetic surgery.  When things couldn’t get any worse they run into Fiona McNeil (Lauren Hutton), an aging publicist they end up hiring to help them gain exposure in Hollywood.  She lands the good doctors a stint on a medical drama, HEARTS AND SCALPELS as experts, to give the show some validity.  Upon meeting the star of the show, Aiden Stone (Bradley Cooper), the two are belittled and Christian is mocked for his dwindling hairline. 


Meanwhile, Fiona starts sending Christian and Sean business in the form of famous clients.  She brings Christian aging actress Carly Summers (Daphne Zuniga) for a consultation.  Carly’s apprehension towards cosmetically altering her appearance are obvious to Christian so he seduces her instead and immediately post coital cuts her down to nothing by telling her exactly what she needs done to her face and body to slow the aging process.  She revisits Christian at work with Fiona asking Christian to sign a confidentiality agreement (FORESHADOWING ANYONE?) and undergoes the procedures immediately.

While Carly recuperates, Christian vanity gets the better of him and he has Sean restore his hairline with plugs.  Things go awry as Christian’s hairline gets infected two days before they are set to make a cameo on HEARTS AND SCALPLES.  Christian’s suppose to have a speech on the show, but it is cut out as his hair plugs are completely noticeable and the camera time is donated to Sean.  Sean becomes an instant heartthrob overnight and Christian becomes green with envy as anyone with a pulse and some brain cells would expect.  After trying to get Sean to quit the show unsuccessfully, Christian resorts to calling US magazine and telling them about Carly’s plastic surgery to try and promote buzz for himself.  That man is such a skeezball.  I love him.