By Kofi Outlaw

“You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch!”

No matter how many times I hear that song, I will never tire of it. When that jazzy melody kicks up, and the insults start flying, I can’t help but my own ongoing plots to steal Christmas, thereby succeeding where the Grinch failed. To me, Dr. Seuss’ classic holiday yarn HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS! is to be taken as a cautionary tale: there are many people out there who talk the talk, but when it comes to the showdown, rarely do they walk the walk.

Every time I watch that opening sequence with the syrupy songs the jolly Whos of Whoville sing as they decorate for Christmas, I totally get why the Grinch wants to stick it to them. 24/7 happy people annoy the crap out of me too. It’s for this reason that I am perpetually disappointed when the Grinch, having robbed every house in Whoville, suddenly goes big in the heart and blue in the eye (he starts out with red eyes,) just from hearing the Whos sing the same songs which set him off in the first place! Yeah, yeah I get it: Christmas is about more than materialism. But then, if presents and decorations truly don’t matter, the Grinch should’ve been able to dump his sled of stolen goods off a cliff. Lets see the Whos sing their way through that!

This 1966 TV version of the GRINCH, helmed by famed LOONEY TUNES creator Chuck Jones, falls short of capturing the rhythmic timing and illustrative splendor of Dr. Seuss’ classic book. However, even some odd forty years later, it still remains leagues ahead of that god-awful 2000 remake with Jim Carey. We all felt Dr. Seuss role in his grave with that one.

How many “Mr. Grinch” metaphors can you come up with in five minutes? How would you have gone about nabbing Christmas from the Whos? Rant back and let us know your grinchy plots to be rid of Christmas in November, October, September. We promise not to snitch you out to Santa.