By Sabrina Cognata

Once again, the staff members of NIP/TUCK have restored my faith in God, but this week I wasn’t the only one.  Dawn Budge (Rosie O’Donnell) is back and as annoying as ever.  While hang gliding Dawn is attacked by an American Bald Eagle, part of her face is ripped off and she nearly dies in the accident.  In order to deal with the trauma she visits her favorite plastic surgeons to repair her “beautiful mug”.  Christian (Jilian McMacon) tells her the most successful outcome will come as a result of a procedure where they have to sew her lips together.  Post surgery Dawn is attacked by a man known only as the “Butt Bandit”.  He attacks people post surgery by finger-banging their assholes with the excuse of needing a stool sample.  Once Sean (Dylan Walsh) and Christian hear about this they decide to diffuse the situation by giving Dawn something to keep her quiet—and Dawn wants a field trip to Hearts ‘n Scalpels.  While on set with Sean, Dawn accidentally gets a giant 300 pound light.  Freddy comes to her rescue and it is love at first sight.  I didn’t even know he wasn’t gay.  This love affair comes as a shock to me, what about you? 

Meanwhile, Sean’s dealing with his daughter Amy’s newfound body dysmorphic disorder.  She shows up demanding liposuction and when Sean blames Eden, Olivia’s daughter and Amy’s new roommate at prep school, Amy says Eden said Sean would say it.  Sean immediately confronts Eden and she tells him she wants to sleep with him.  Somehow he thinks he’s talked some sense into her, but later she continues to break down Amy and when starvation and bulimia don’t work she gets Amy to act like a total 13-year-old slut by having her perform oral on the guy she likes.  Amy gets caught and Sean and Julia (Joley Richardson) come in for a parent conference and Sean flips out, blaming Eden.  Eden’s evil tricks are working too because Sean’s starting to talk to himself like a psycho about his dark desires for Eden.


Now that Christian’s been mistaken for a gigolo he’s entertaining a lot of damaged women.  His newest client wants him to allow her to basically die from hypothermia and then screw her back to life.  He agrees to do it for eight grand and tells the woman they can make an appointment like she’s just another one of his clients.  Back at work, Christian agrees to perform a breast reduction surgery on a stacked nun, but in classic Christian Troy style, he mocks her beliefs in God.  The nun gives him her St. Christopher medal before she goes under the knife and says she wants him to keep it.  Later, during a consultation with Freddy and Dawn, for Freddy’s ass lift, Christian gets a text telling him she’s taking the sedative and getting into the tub of ice—if he doesn’t save her she’s dead.  Christian races to the hotel, drags the nutcase out of the tub and performs CPR while praying to God that he’ll change entirely if this woman doesn’t die.  Miraculously, the woman starts breathing.  Will Christian change his sexy wicked ways?  Later, he shows up at the church of the nun to give her a gold St. Christopher medal and asks the nun to pray with him.  Hopefully next week he will stop being lame and start being a bastard.  I have total faith in him.