Saturday, November 24, 2007 Rant Archive
Superherohype.com recently posted the first known image of the new Hulk, from the upcoming reboot film THE INCREDIBLE HULK, staring Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth and William Hurt.
The image appeared on a promotional poster for the HULK flick—one similar to the silhouetted poster that was unveiled at Comic Con San Diego, earlier this year. At first glance I can say that this new Hulk already looks better than the CGI muppet from Ang Lee’s disastrous take on the hero. This new Hulk has more realistic color and texture, (at least in the poster pic,) so it will be interesting to see if the full, 3-D, CGI character can successfully blend and interact with the live-action environment of the film. If they can’t get right like
BEOWULF did, they might as well give up.
Rant back and let us know if this first look at the new, (improved?) INCREDIBLE HULK is enough to get you back into the theater for a second go around. Or will it take one heck of a trailer to get you to believe in green again? Rant back and let us know.
Do not read any further if you have not seen this week’s episode of DEXTER. I’m very serious.
This is officially your last warning.
Fine. Debra (Jennifer Carpenter) and Special Agent Frank Lundy (Keith Carradine) were busy squishing haha’s. Slapping silly’s. Making the beast with two backs. They did “it.” And I’m not sure I will ever recover. Something about the whole thing gives me the ever-loving willies.
But we are here to discuss Dexter (Michael C. Hall). He is feeling a sense of loss and regret over ending his relationship with Rita (Julie Benz) and shacking up with the whackjob Lila (Jaime Murray). He spends the night outside of Rita’s house after chasing off the aforementioned nutball. In doing so, he is also leaving the quickly decomposing corpse of his latest kill in a drugrunner’s shack in the everglades.
After the Deb and Lundy ick-fest, things heat up in the Bay Harbor Butcher case but Lundy won’t tell Debra what’s up. Trouble in creepy paradise already.
Imagine how screwed up Beth Turner (Sophia Myles) must feel right now. In short order, she finds a cute PI named Mick St. John (Alex O’Loughlin), starts to fall in love, finds out he’s a vampire, and while she’s processing that, she shortly finds out that he’s the guy that rescued her from a kidnapping when she was young. Who should show up right about this time? A dead ringer for the vampire ex (Shannyn Sossamon) that kidnapped her, and who Mick thought he’d killed. On top of Mick’s and Beth’s broiling hormones, this makes things less than transparent.
A couple of episodes ago, it was Mick who was obsessed with the ringer, a photographer named Morgan. This time around, it’s Beth who demonstrates this obsession two minutes into the episode by staking Morgan. Naturally, this needs some explaining, so we quickly flashback to the previous 24 hours, where Beth is stalking Morgan; now that Mick’s role in her childhood trauma has been clarified, she’s itching to find out if Morgan is really Coraline the 300-year-old vampire minx.
I really hate television shows that highlight the holidays as they’re happening. Thankfully, UGLY BETTY mentions that Thanksgiving happened, but we didn’t have to see fatso and her family gorge themselves at the holiday table. It’s post-Thanksgiving and Betty’s up eating after everyone else has gone to bed. She manifests the spirit of Bradford Meade because she feels guilty that she hasn’t kept the promise she made at his deathbed, to take care of Daniel. Betty still feels that working at Mode has made her a monster of her former self and she refuses to have any part of being rehired.
A major theme in this week’s episode is keeping the idea of family traditions while altering them to fit who you are as a person and the times you live in. I know I rarely write a review that talks about these sorts of things or is even remotely sophisticated, but the episode is so blunt about it that if I do not bring it up I am a retard. Hilda wants a hot pink Christmas tree with white lights, but Betty says that it isn’t apart of the tradition their mother laid out for them so they shouldn’t have it. After that Betty leaves for Bradford’s funeral and Hilda sets their boring Christmas tree on fire.
First a big shout out to Leslie Moonves, President of CBS, for ruining Thanksgiving. I don’t know whether it was you or one of your gorgonzola munching, rump sniffing underlings who made the decision to LIE about tonight’s episode of SURVIVOR: CHINA and call it “All New!” but I am holding you personally responsible. Had I known this was going to be a clip show, I could have sat down this morning, between bastings, and put together a fully comprehensive rundown of the contestants and their chances to win the big prize. Then I could have gorged myself on the holiday foods and been nipple deep in Saranac Pumpkin Ale. Right now I would be expelling the gentle snoring sounds of a contented man and maybe a few beer farts. But, no. I take my job seriously so I stayed stonecold sober to watch the show and write this review.
It was nothing but a gangsta party this week on THE UNIT.
Bob, Jonas and Grey went undercover on a military base to try an expose a weapons smuggling ring run by soldiers loyal to Mexican gang the Bizlats, of which Grey used to be a member. Dogging the Unit’s investigation was a spunky MP, (HEROES’ STANA KATIC,) who had targeted the Bizlats as well. After a rough reunion with his former gang, Grey managed to infiltrate and get a bead on the stolen weapons.
Back on base, Tiffy had cupid troubles when both her husband, Mack, and covert lover, Col. Ryan, pushed to be the one man in her life. After a rowdy shift at the go-go bar that night, some drunk football players manhandled Tiffy and her friend Annie, leading to a car accident which left Tiffy with a pretty serious concussion. Since she was a stripper with a prior DUI, the cops didn’t feel like any kind of consequence should befall the local football stars, leaving Mack and Col. Ryan to defend Tiffy’s honor the old fashion way: kickin ass!
The first twenty minutes of tonight’s episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL proceeded as follows: “AHHHH! We’re in CHINA! AHHHH! Everything in China is so different. It’s like so unique except that it’s kind of like Las Vegas. Can you believe it? We’re in China!! OMG! Shanghai has so many lights guys!! Wait. There are only five beds. Does that mean someone is going home? Where is Heather going to sleep? OMG, who cares, we’re in CHINA!”
Yeah. That kinds of sums it up. In case you were curious, after Bianca and her peon Saleisha give Heather all kinds of crap, Jenah and Bianca agree to share the big bed. Thus everyone gets her beauty rest.
And boy do they need it! The girls are taken to the biggest movie studio in Shanghai, all in the guise of getting a tour, when mayhem is unleashed. Crazy Chinese warriors, wearing satin robes, attack their guide. Oh wait. Their guide turns out not to be a guide, but a martial arts expert! He teaches them some moves, which they must demonstrate in midair. Um, what does this have to do with modeling?
Napoleon LeNez has a gift. His nose and nasal glands are a cut above. His fancies himself something of a prophet of the olfactory sense and his new book, THE SMELL OF SUCCESS will prove that. His protégé, Juanita Gray (Sarah Jane Jensen), sneaks a peek and a sniff and poof, BOOM!...Death by scratch and sniff.
This is the fun we expect from PUSHING DAISIES and more people should be watching it.
Ned (Lee Pace) is uncomfortable with change. How do we know this? Chuck (Anna Friel) wants the shop, The Pie Hole, to start selling pie cups. Cupcake sized pies made with her personally harvested urban honey. Before this non-physical-contact-making lovers spat can be developed Emerson Cod (Chi McBride) gets them on the Gray/LeNez case.
There is no way to write about THE PRINCESS BRIDE and make it sound cool. Ostensibly, THE PRINCESS BRIDE is a fairy tale that a grandfather (Peter Falk) reads to his sick grandson (Fred Savage). You think you’re skeptical? Even the grandson is turned off when the story begins with lots of kissing. “Hold it, hold it,” he says. “Are you trying to trick me? Where’s the sports? Is this a kissing book?”
No, it isn’t. What it really is is an excuse for William Goldman, who wrote the screenplay from his novel, and director Rob Reiner to offer verbal and physical gymnastics that combines the best of Errol Flynn with the best of Mel Brooks – often at once.
The Princess Buttercup (Robin Wright) believes her true love Westley (Carey Elwes) is dead, so she becomes engaged to the cruel Prince Humperdink (Chris Sarandon). How evil is Humperdink? He has a henchman, Count Rugen (Christopher Guest), who prides himself on “a deep and abiding interest in pain.” That’s how evil.
At the behest of the prince, Buttercup is kidnapped by a gang led by Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) and includes a giant (Andre the Giant) and an expert swordsman with a really bad Spanish accent, Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin).
It is a plot that is difficult to make sense of in print, but suffice it to say that eventually Buttercup ends up trapped in Humperdink’s castle.