By Michelle Lerner
The first twenty minutes of tonight’s episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL proceeded as follows: “AHHHH! We’re in CHINA! AHHHH! Everything in China is so different. It’s like so unique except that it’s kind of like Las Vegas. Can you believe it? We’re in China!! OMG! Shanghai has so many lights guys!! Wait. There are only five beds. Does that mean someone is going home? Where is Heather going to sleep? OMG, who cares, we’re in CHINA!”
Yeah. That kinds of sums it up. In case you were curious, after Bianca and her peon Saleisha give Heather all kinds of crap, Jenah and Bianca agree to share the big bed. Thus everyone gets her beauty rest.
And boy do they need it! The girls are taken to the biggest movie studio in Shanghai, all in the guise of getting a tour, when mayhem is unleashed. Crazy Chinese warriors, wearing satin robes, attack their guide. Oh wait. Their guide turns out not to be a guide, but a martial arts expert! He teaches them some moves, which they must demonstrate in midair. Um, what does this have to do with modeling? I believe it was just a way for Tyra to emphasize how much money the production spent; look, Ma, we’re in CHINA! Did I mention we’re in China? Don’t believe me? Look! Men doing karate on wires, just like in the movies!!
Heather is psyched about the challenge, and Bianca is not. Turns out, our tough girl isn’t so tough; Bianca’s afraid of heights. She allows herself to be disqualified, ‘cause no one can force her to give up her fears (her words.) Well, bravo I say. She finally called the judges on their bluff; challenges are stupid and have nothing to do with who goes home. They just fill out the hour.
The rest of the episode the girls film their Cover Girl commercial. This used to be closer to the end. I wonder if they’ll make us sit through another. As it was, it was pretty painful. Chantal acquitted herself best, scrunching up her nose and smiling a lot. Saleisha held her own as well. But she and Chantal both took ridiculously cheesy pictures. Chantal looked like a bad local ad for the cheese store in Madison, Wisconsin. Saleisha looked like she was starring an ad for a new doll. Nice vest.
Jenah came off as lifeless. And Lisa gave the single most tragic performance of any girl in the history of ANTM. She stuttered and cried through her performance, not out of frustration, but out of something seemingly much sadder. Lisa is, as I think I say every week, one of the most beautiful girls ever to be on the show. She might be one of the most beautiful girls on T.V. But she has no idea who she is and no confidence in herself. I wanted to hug her tonight. She really lost the brightness that got her into the competition. Initially I called her for the final two!
Bianca chewed the scenery with her big smile in her commercial. She is something new to AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL, a model that seems to gain confidence as the competition goes on. Bianca has learned that, besides her amazing smile, her (rather bratty) personality is her biggest asset, and has turned into a real contender. She actually does look fierce.
Heather on the other hand has a rough time this week. She doesn’t learn the lines, and can’t even speak them properly when Jay feeds them to her, which costs her lots of points. Tyra points out (finally) that she was favored- the other girls didn’t get the lines, and Heather did- because of the Aspbergers. But as always, Heather pulls a rabbit out of the hat in the end. In all of her pictures so far she has come off as edgy and “high fashion” as the judges are so fond of saying. This week her picture is of a sunny, “easy, breezy” cover girl. It saves her ass, that’s for sure.