By Sabrina Cognata

This week our favorite histrionic Irish family decides to celebrate Thanksgiving, and as they’re apt to do, they destroy the spirit of the holiday.  Before anything even happens, Rose (Fionnula Flanagan) packs a bag, including a sexy negligee and other sex toys then leaves.  On her way out, she runs into her daughter Mary Kate (Kerry O’Malley) and comments to Mary Kate that she’ll have to prepare Thanksgiving on her own.  Thanks mom, you’re a giant bitch.  Everything that happens from that point on is the sort of chaos that usually occurs anytime a slew of related people come together to celebrate. 

Mary Kate manages to massacre the Thanksgiving feast she’s forced into making.  The only person that wants to help her is Colin (Brian F. O’Byrne), but Michael sends him on an important job.  A job so important that Colin might miss Thanksgiving altogether and that just pisses him off.  Colin shows up hours early for the gig and gets stuck ordering pumpkin pie in a crappy diner that doesn’t even have any left—so he flips out on the waitress.

Tommy (Jason Clarke) and Michael’s (Jason Issacs) futures are in jeopardy.  Even though Michael has made a deal with U.S. Attorney Ellis Franklin, Franklin appeals to Marty Trio and Freddie Cork to turn evidence against Tommy Caffee and Frank Nozzoli.  Franklin sets up a Thanksgiving dinner out in the country for Trio and Cork along with visits from their wives.  Things seem to be going swimmingly until the detective in charge of them decides to take an extra long dump and Colin shows up, guns blazing and kills Trio.  The problem is, Colin only succeeds in chasing Freddie out of the safehouse and into public.  Once Freddie is free from his assailant, Colin, he cuts the mandated ankle bracelet off and goes on the lamb.

Back at the house Mary Kate drops the turkey and flips out on her brother and husband, saying she’s quitting thanksgiving and going back to Rose’s house to watch football.  Tommy decides to take over dinner, and if that isn’t enough, he’s been dealing with Mary Rose, whom has been caught getting high while running a Thanksgiving errand.  In the end, the dinner is ruined and Eileen (Annabeth Gish) tells him it’s ok because really, the most important thing in her life is her family and not a silly dinner.  She then says she wants to save their marriage and Tommy agrees with her.  Aww, someone gag me with a spoon.


Rose, on the other hand, gets busy trying to woo an old suitor at the Biltmore.  Once they’ve had a room service dinner Rose makes a bold move taking out fur lined handcuffs to initiate the sexing.  Too bad Walter’s days of being a stud are over and he REJECTS THE OLD BROAD STRAIGHT OUT & SAYS THEY ARE OLD.  Still, Walter is a man, and later when Rose is asleep, he decides to try watching some porn and sports some wood.  Rose is elated and shines doing what she does best—whoring.

Finally, Michael and Tommy get into a row and Michael leaves in a huff.  He shows up at Kath’s (Kerry O’Malley) house and tells her to get her kids and come with him.  When she says she’s going to wait for her ex so the kids can spend time with their father, Michael acts like an asshole and bitches about her stupid kids.  This sends Kath into a rage and she uses the strongest coffee cup in the world to smash Michael’s head in.  Once Kath sees what she’s done, she slaps Michael a couple more times and yells about their dead baby, you know, the one Michel made her abort.  Apparently she’s still angry as hell about that—SHOCKING. 

Colin comes home and realizes there isn’t going to be Thanksgiving and gets pissed off.  So he returns to some other crappy diner and has his pie alone.  Just like most of his life—he has nothing and no one to turn to.  Poor Colin, I guess it sucks being the lame outcast, right?