Wednesday, November 28, 2007 Rant Archive
By Sabrina Cognata
Some people think they brought sexy back. Those people are idiots. Others believe sexy is something they saw on Melrose Place. For those morons, sexy is cut and dry. It’s a linear thing. Showing up in the right outfit with the right attitude sums up their idea of sexy, but I beg to differ. Sometimes it’s awkward and downright weird. I’ve provided some cinematic evidence to help me prove my point. There is more to sexy than a great pair of legs, a nice rack and a six pack. Real sexy is mind games and intellectual debate. If you don’t believe me I dare you to prove otherwise.
REAL GENIUS – It’s a classic nerd movie. Val Kilmar plays Chris Knight. Chris is the sort of nerd I have given my mind and body to on several occasions. He’s clever, sarcastic and mostly brilliant. When Chris and his new roommate Mitch (Gabriel Jarret) realize their professor has them create a military weapon they go on the offense and destroy the validity of the weapon, the professor’s career and his home.
Reasons the movie is sexy: Val Kilmar is in his prime. I always knew I’d love nerdy men after watching this movie. There’s also Jordan (Michelle Meyrink) playing a bobbed hair, social neophyte who’s the perfect mix of girl-next-door and smoking hot nerd.
Before there was Howard Stern or Don Imus or Opie and Anthony, there was Petey Greene (Don Cheadle), an ex-con-turned radio disk jockey who took the nation’s capital by storm. But where his imitators made their bones primarily by pushing the sexual envelope – Stern, for instance, used to have women undress in his studio – Greene earned a substantial following by simply telling the truth.
In TALK TO ME, we first see Greene spinning records on the prison radio station. The disks were provided by his grandma, but the attitude that makes him so popular with other inmates is all his own. Petey has a chance encounter with Dewey Hughes (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a D.C. radio station program director visiting his brother, Milo (Mike Epps), in the joint. Milo had mentioned Petey to Dewey; Petey believes he’s received a solid job offer from Dewey for once he gets out.
It isn’t quite the case. But Petey eventually does get on the air, and his brand of straight-shooting talk – “keepin’ it real” – attracts a large listenership in the capital’s majority African-American community. It’s the mid ‘60s, a time of widespread discontent and protests. The assassination of Martin Luther King sets DC aflame, and it is Greene who is widely credited with calming the city.
Eden’s (AnnaLynne McCord) presence continues to create pain and chaos for everyone on the show, especially Sean (Dylan Walsh) and Christian (Julian McMahon). Eden shows up with Chaz Darling (Jai Rodriguez), super famous stylist to the stars and her BGF (Best Gay Friend) because he needs to have his super huge areolas fixed. Christian tells them both to consult with someone else in Santa Monica when Eden decides to pull out the big guns and says she’ll tell Sean that Christian screwed Julia (Joley Richardson) and ruin their friendship forever.
Christian, being the consummate professional and sociopath warns Eden not to play with him like this—she’ll be sorry. Too bad the girl doesn’t heed her warnings. Christian performs the surgery on Chaz and then Eden decides she wants liposuction or she’ll tell. Christian decides he’s sick of Eden altogether and hands her a home pharmacy: off the market diet pills, xanax and percocet. Eden thinks this is just as good as liposuction agrees to this handy deal and goes home. Too bad Christian is awesome as hell and he tells Olivia (Portia de Rossi), Eden’s mother, that her daughter is a junkie that stole pills from his office and Olivia and Christian send Eden packing to REHAB. She flips out and screams that she’ll get them all and their little dog too, while being dragged off to six-week rehab vacation.
“We all go a little crazy sometimes,” I always say. This week on THE UNIT, Bob learned that mantra the hard way.
When the team was assigned to an assassination mission involving a foreign diplomat, they did what they do best: formulated a plan, and prepared to execute (pun intended.) All Bob had to do, as the chosen sniper, was pull the trigger. The snag? Bob was starting to morally unravel, as “ghosts” of his past victims (specifically the young boy he shot down in Lebanon,) began to haunt him.
Back home the Unit wives’ club decided to do something nice for Molly Blane, since her daughter was due to ship out to boot camp. The proposed gift was a scarce photograph of Molly at her high school graduation. Tiffy and Annie drove to Molly’s hometown to retrieve the photo, only to learn that it didn’t exist: A gunmen had stormed Molly’s graduation and shot her father, the principal, in front of her. No one wanted to keep pictures of such a tragic day.
The Devil (Ray Wise) has a girlfriend named Mimi (Melinda Clarke). As befitting the Devil, she’s hot. However, she also appears to be quite nice, which probably isn’t the run of the mill for him. You’d expect him to spend more time with a succubus or the Whore of Babylon or someone like that. Anyway, Sam (Bret Harrison) finds this out when the Devil pops by with his latest job: fix Mimi’s dishwasher. Apparently, being Hell’s bounty hunter also covers plumbing work.
Even demons have to shop, as the boys find out when Gladys (Christine Willes) from the DMV shows up to pick up some paper products. At first, it doesn’t look like it has a damn thing to do with the episode at large, but it’s awfully funny watching Sock (Tyler Labine) and Gladys interact with all the sweetness and light we’ve come to expect. Anyway, Sam (Bret Harrison) has troubles all his own, aside from the tattoos that keep appearing on his arm: the Devil (Ray Wise) is being really nice to him, preparing a case file for his latest soul and even giving him a watch, which trips Sam’s WTF alarm. What’s Hell’s bounty hunter to do?
Hardly a week goes by where I don’t see someone vomit on television. I’m certainly no uptight school marm, but it does seem that the upchuck factor has dramatically increased lately. This week’s HOUSE MD starts off with a lead singer, a punk rocker as a matter of fact, tossing his rebellious cookies. Along with some blood, a few rusty bolts and maybe what looked like a bit of pancreas. Drugs, right? How could it be that simple? Especially when Dr. Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) is telling House (Hugh Laurie) he needs to have his final team in place by the end of the week. That means two firings tonight.
Finally we can end the games…with one last game.
Dr. Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard) has to tell one of his patients that he got a diagnosis wrong and the guy isn’t dying after all. House makes sure to pop in to see the man get his “medical clemency.” But when the patient is unmoved all House can say is, “Cool.” The patient has spent all his money and had three going away parties. This not dying thing has screwed up his life completely.
The latest buzz surrounding
BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT involves a picture of Heath Ledger dressed as the Joker, which was snapped as the cover of EMPIRE MAGAZINE’S January ‘08
issue. For all those doubters, (and there are quite a few of you out there,) hopefully this pick will at least begin to convince you that Ol’ Jack Nick may soon be relinquishing his title as best. Joker. Ever. Looking at Ledger in this latest photo, I can surely tell you one thing: that is one mo’fo you do NOT want to be meeting in a bus terminal late at night. The clown prince of crime looks like he’s in the zone, and ready for some mass murder and mayhem. Should be fun to watch!
Take a look at the photo inside and rant back to us about which camp you’re currently riding with: team Jack, or team Heath. Don’t worry, we won’t hold it against you if you make the wrong call.
Surprise, I am filling in this week because I am awesome and stuff and don’t you forget it. Not surprising, I think this show is stupid as hell. Here is a show starring Zoë Deschanel’s less talented sister, that guy that played a vampire in BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and a ton of people I have never even seen before with an exception of Ryan O’Neil and his career is in shambles anyways.
BONES is about a frigid anthropologist or something, Dr. Temperence Brennan (Emily Deschanel), whom is boring and lame and needs to get laid and a swift kick in the pants to loosen up her buttons or something. She works with a bunch of nerds that are entirely too unattractive to be on television and I feel like I need to call up the FOX network to bitch about the fact that they’ve broken the cardinal rule of television because they failed to give me totally gorgeous actors trying to be ugly. Stupid. She also works with FBI Special Agent Seeley Boothe (David Boreanaz) and he is suppose to be hot, but his prime time has come and gone and he looks bloated and drunk and I am already bored to death.
Quick! Get a look-see while you can!
What you are seeing is the first concept art from
AVATAR, the upcoming James Cameron (TERMINATOR, TITANIC) sci-fi epic, which will blend live action shots with revolutionary, “photo-realistic” 3-D CGI effects.
Set to open in May of 2009, AVATAR will chronicle the story of a galactic war veteran, sent to a distant world to battle a new race of life-forms, alleged to look like the blue creature with the hot body in the photo below. So far Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver, Matt Gerald, Giovanni Ribisi, Joel David Moore, Wes Studi, Stephen Lang, CCH Pounder, Michelle Rodriguez and (the sexy) Zoe Saldana will all star in the film. The lovely Ms. Saldana is rumored to be playing the character that appears in the photo—all I know is that CCH Pounder definitely doesn’t have a body like that!
Take a look at the photo inside and rant back to us about how AVATAR is looking in its early stages. Hopefully the movie will deliver the kind of thrilling effects T2 did back in my younger days.
We are down to the last seven contestants. Last week Neil threw down the gauntlet in the elimination room, staking his claim to being the best and the biggest threat left in the game. “Come and get me,” he basically told everyone. Julie took a bit of an exception to his bravado. I take exception to the complaining Julie still being in this game when the much more deserving Kae was sent home last week. But then I’m a sore sport, not a big loser.
The reward for this week’s challenge was a week’s vacation at Andre Agassi’s spa…in Idaho. I’m not sure a trip to Idaho is supposed to make the competitors play harder or race to throw the game. Do you really want to send the formerly obese to a place that celebrates the starchy spud?