By Sabrina Cognata
Some people think they brought sexy back. Those people are idiots. Others believe sexy is something they saw on Melrose Place. For those morons, sexy is cut and dry. It’s a linear thing. Showing up in the right outfit with the right attitude sums up their idea of sexy, but I beg to differ. Sometimes it’s awkward and downright weird. I’ve provided some cinematic evidence to help me prove my point. There is more to sexy than a great pair of legs, a nice rack and a six pack. Real sexy is mind games and intellectual debate. If you don’t believe me I dare you to prove otherwise.
REAL GENIUS – It’s a classic nerd movie. Val Kilmar plays Chris Knight. Chris is the sort of nerd I have given my mind and body to on several occasions. He’s clever, sarcastic and mostly brilliant. When Chris and his new roommate Mitch (Gabriel Jarret) realize their professor has them create a military weapon they go on the offense and destroy the validity of the weapon, the professor’s career and his home.
Reasons the movie is sexy: Val Kilmar is in his prime. I always knew I’d love nerdy men after watching this movie. There’s also Jordan (Michelle Meyrink) playing a bobbed hair, social neophyte who’s the perfect mix of girl-next-door and smoking hot nerd.
FIGHT CLUB – Some might argue that this movie is not nerdy enough to be on this list—all of those people are simpletons. Nothing transcends nerdy like a man (Edward Norton) that goes insane and develops another personality, Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt), to deal with the fact that he’s dissatisfied with his boring, geeky life. And then the new personality decides to take down modern society and equalize everyone by destroying credit history. Or whatever.
Reasons the movie is sexy: Two words: Brad Pitt. That man is physical perfection. Plus the sordid flashes of sex scenes between himself and Helena Bonham-Carter are hot-as-hell. Hello, rubber gloves during sex. HOT. HOT. HOT.
HACKERS – Two super hot hackers Dade Murphy (Johnny Lee Miller) and Kate Libby (Angelina Jolie) get nerdy via computer hacking with a movie that is so completely inaccurate regarding the actual hacking scene that it’s actually amusing. Basically, they have to infiltrate The Man’s computer to rectify some crap that an old hacker gone rogue (Parker Stevens) has done and blamed on one of their own.
Reasons the movie is sexy: Angelina Jolie before she went insane with the fact that she’s uber famous and started adopting all the colors of the wind. Plus she and Johnny Lee Miller have some super hot on the screen scenes that are worth watching. The two have amazing chemistry. No wonder they wasted time getting hitched.
WEIRD SCIENCE – Two super dorks Gary (Anthony Michael Hall) and Wyatt (Iian Mitchell-Smith) get together for a sleepover on a boring Friday night and use their computer, brains and nerdiness to create the smartest/hottest woman ever known to man, Lisa (Kelly Le Brock). Lisa gets the boys in and out of trouble, trying to get them to realize they are more than just jokes.
Reasons the movie is sexy: Kelly Le Brock running around in a crop top and panties. Not to mention the fact that she showers with two underage boys and basically is a demented bitch the entire movie. When I was a young girl I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up—too bad being “Lisa” isn’t a paying gig.
GHOSTBUSTERS – When three para-psychologists start a company to prove to the entire world that their supernatural theories are not bunk you have the makings for one of the geekiest concepts ever. Scientists that chase ghosts. Then one of their clients, Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver), becomes possessed by a demon, Zuul. She’s perhaps the sexiest, lust driven demon I have ever encountered and she fulfills the lusty desire of Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murrary) when he should be trying to help her and stop the end of the world.
Reasons the movie is sexy: Sigourney Weaver levitating above her sheets writhing about as though she’s about to have an orgasm is hot! But Bill Murrary playing a sleazy “doctor” using the title to get into the panties of women is totally hotter.
HEATHERS – This is probably one of my favorite movies because I’ve always loved the bad boys and Jason Dean or J.D. (Christian Slater) is just that, a twisted, socially defunct nerd with a penchant for murder and mayhem. Oh man, love is in the air. He romances one of the privileged members of the Heather’s clique, Veronica (Winona Ryder) in a suburban high school and systematically starts killing off people with her help. Eventually, Veronica gets sick of being a Heather and being the Bonnie to J.D.’s Clyde so she puts an end to him and his rampage.
Reasons the movie is sexy: Nothing is quite as hot as a sexy nerd, unless that sexy nerd is also a demented bad boy. As it turns out, Christian Slater is pretty good at dominating the hell out of that role.
DEAD POETS SOCIETY – A group of nerdy guys stuck in an all boys’ school seems totally homoerotic and it is. They all use the power of books and words to get what they want and to woo the women they desire—or whatever. Eventually, one of them succumbs to the pressure of his family and kills himself rather than give up on his dreams to be apart of the theater. God, this does sound awfully gay.
Reasons the movie is sexy: Ethan Hawke before he turned meth faced, looks super cute here as the awkward teen trying to fill his brother’s shoes. Also, whoever plays that kid Knox Overstreet (Josh Charles) I have secretly wanted to seduce him since I saw this movie because he is such a bumbling poetic geek. Le sigh.
SNEAKERS – A spy movie that uses the likes of dorks, geeks and nerds to infiltrate a government agency in order to steal an encryption tool that would put the nation’s security at risk. Once they realize they’ve been duped into stealing this tool the group goes into action to right their wrong and get the bad guys caught red handed.
Reasons the movie is sexy: The cast is lead by the always sexy Robert Redford as Martin Bishop, the leader of the security specialist group. His cute cohorts include River Phoenix. Seriously, that is a devilish mix of hot right there. Too bad River Phoenix had to drop dead and Robert Redford’s face had to melt off.
DONNIE DARKO – Someone tried to argue with me that this movie isn’t geeky at all, but then I have to be like UH, ANY MOVIE ABOUT TIMELINES, QUANTUM MECHANICS AND THE PHILOSOPHY OF TIME TRAVEL IS ABOUT AS GEEKY AS ANYTHING, EVER. The basic premise of the movie is almost impossible to explain, but Jake Gyllenhall plays Donnie Darko a boy destined for tragedy any way you put it. After a scenario of surviving a plane engine dropping into his bedroom you live his life as he sees it happening via a worm hole. Eventually, the timeline is changed and he dies in the accident and more tragedy is avoided this way.
Reasons this movie is sexy: Geeky meets teen angst is perfectly portrayed by Gyllenhall as the deeply twisted Donnie. Also, when explained properly quantum physics is hot. No wonder one of my true loves is a physicist.