By Sabrina Cognata

Eden’s (AnnaLynne McCord) presence continues to create pain and chaos for everyone on the show, especially Sean (Dylan Walsh) and Christian (Julian McMahon).  Eden shows up with Chaz Darling (Jai Rodriguez), super famous stylist to the stars and her BGF (Best Gay Friend) because he needs to have his super huge areolas fixed.  Christian tells them both to consult with someone else in Santa Monica when Eden decides to pull out the big guns and says she’ll tell Sean that Christian screwed Julia (Joley Richardson) and ruin their friendship forever. 

Christian, being the consummate professional and sociopath warns Eden not to play with him like this—she’ll be sorry.  Too bad the girl doesn’t heed her warnings.  Christian performs the surgery on Chaz and then Eden decides she wants liposuction or she’ll tell.  Christian decides he’s sick of Eden altogether and hands her a home pharmacy:  off the market diet pills, xanax and percocet.  Eden thinks this is just as good as liposuction agrees to this handy deal and goes home.  Too bad Christian is awesome as hell and he tells Olivia (Portia de Rossi), Eden’s mother, that her daughter is a junkie that stole pills from his office and Olivia and Christian send Eden packing to REHAB.  She flips out and screams that she’ll get them all and their little dog too, while being dragged off to six-week rehab vacation.

While Christian does crisis management Sean gets to watch his relationship with Kate deteriorate like my liver after a two week drinking binge.  Everything starts going haywire when stupid Kate confronts Sean about his sexual fantasies saying it’s better for them to be truthful than to have secrets.  I guess Kate is a moron because without secrets people would be open vessels like Jim Carrey in LIAR LIAR and all hell would break loose.  Consider that my way of indicating foreshadowing.  Well, Sean says he wants Kate to dress up like a schoolgirl and she does and they have mega hot sex.  Then Sean brings up the fact that one of his patients is involved in a biracial swingers club.  Kate immediately indicates her interest and Sean sets things up so they can attend the sex soiree.  Here’s the problem, Sean is an insecure jerk and he flips out when Kate seems a little too interested while at the party.  Once they get home he tells her she’s disgusting cause she pooped in the tub and that he never wanted to marry her—he was just scared of being alone or some crap like that.  Needless to say, things between those idiots seem to be totally over—probably because Sean said so to Christian while admitting he’s still not over Julia.  When Sean finds out bout Julia and Christian he is probably going to cut their heads off or something.


Now, the resident junkies, Kimber (Kelly Carlson) and Matt (John Hensley) are in big trouble because they’re hardcore stupid meth addicts.  They’ve completely run out of options regarding money and drugs so Kimber wants to sleep with their dealer and since she is a former porn goddess it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to her.  Matt on the other hand loses his mind and forbids her from doing this.  Kimber’s next bright idea is to get back into porno so she visits mega porn producer, Ram Peters (John Schneider), and asks him to set her up with some work.  Ram immediately spots her meth problem and says he won’t employ her until she’s clean because you can see the meth-induced problems on camera.  However, Ram offers hugely hung Matt a spot in a gay porno.  Eventually, Matt decides to take the role because they’re so desperately in need of money.  Before he starts shooting, Kimber shows up and says she’s got things under control and the Church of Scientology will get them clean.  When they get back to their apartment they immediately get high and Kimber walks back into their bedroom and screws their dealer anyways because she’s a pirate hooker and that’s how they operate.