By Sabrina Cognata

So in last week’s teaser everyone is in a tizzy because they’re doing a PROJECT RUNWAY first, which I bet you anything is not going to be dressing people like their Dungeons and Dragons avatar.  The first thing we’re confronted with this episode is the fact that Jack is HIV positive and never feeling better.  Once I was in Las Vegas and this seedy guy buying drinks for my friends and myself said out of nowhere, “AIDS CAN’T EVEN KILL YOU ANYMORE.”  I guess he’s right cause Jack’s had the HIV for the past 17 years.  Opening the episode with Jack probably means he wins this challenge.  Three cheers for the super gay gym bunny and his HIV.

So the big huge deal with this week is that they’re designing men’s wear for Today Show Correspondent and former New York Giant’s running back, Tiki Barber.  He says he has a huge ass and wants to have it covered up and that he likes special attention to detail.  He talks about his wife and that is suppose to be our cue to realize he is not gay, but complaining about the massiveness of your ass means you’re gay.  Thirteen designers with thirteen panic attacks—someone fork over the xanax.  After the first day of working on their crap things are tense as people finally realize how hard it is to design and sew a three-piece suit by themselves in two days.  Everyone has mental breakdowns and I am sure Ricky and Carmen are going to have a West Side Story inspired knife fight by the end of this episode.  CAT FIGHT!  Hilariously, the most hideous pieces are by Carmen and Ricky because they have no idea what they’re doing and they’re talentless hacks without common sense. 


Ricky – Boring three-piece suit that’s barely finished and is held together with pins and prayers.  It looks like something from J.C. Penny that’s been altered by a blind man.
Carmen – Say goodbye today Carmen because you made a pair of pants with a crotch for John Holmes, a jacket that looks like it came from the reject pile at Urban Outfitters and didn’t even make a shirt because she’s a stupid dummy.
Jack – He tackles the time issue by deciding to dump the stupid vest idea and just make a really well made dress shirt and slacks.  The look is hot, and simple. 
Sweet P – She makes a cute pair of pants and a tie for the jolly green giant, but her shirt looks like a toddler assembled it. 
Christian – He bounces back this week with a slice of humble pie and creates a super cute look.  The shirt under the blazer is very outer space, but this time I liked it. 
Jillian – I am pretty sure I hate her, but at least she is quiet and gets her work done.  She came up with and completed a three-piece suit that is well made and fashion forward, but I am not sure who she designed it for since it is so relaxed it cannot be for Tiki.
Kit – I am actually surprised by her efficiency, layout and plan.  She has some great ideas and makes them work.  She uses fleece for her blazer and that sets the outfit aside from the rest and completely outside the box.
Rami – His was nice and simple.  It’s the sort of work I guess we will get used to seeing from him.  The jacket is nerdy-chic.  I like that.  Clean lines are a must.
Steven – After helping Marion with last week’s monstrosity this was a nice personal save for Stevie.  Although, I thought the stupid lapel of the shirt looked like it was for a pimp the overall appearance of the sweater over the shirt with the slacks was nice.
Victorya – Her white jacket was like Miami Vice meets Sergeant Pepper, but somehow it works pretty well and I don’t pray she needs to go home.
Kevin – He’s the only person that knows who Tiki Barber is and he looks like he’s glowing over this mighty display of his manliness.  Whatever, I might actually have a crush on this stupid hairy Italian.  I super love his vest-ensemble.  The lavender dress shirt with the plum accents in the tie is hot.
Chris – Fatso went with an all black look that works really well.  His model seems very Dolce & Gabbana runway chic and that is hot as hell.
Elisa – This woman might be totally insane, but she can construct some nice stuff.  I really like how her men’s wear outfit is both hip and classic.  She puts a chocolate vest on top of a cream-gold long sleeved shirt.

Tim Gunn looks like he is going to shoot Ricky and Carmen when they are nowhere near done and trying to scramble for extra seconds to finish their crappy looks.  Tim is actually yelling at Carmen that she has less than two minutes.  Girlfriend should be embarrassed that she’s so stupid that she cannot manage to use her time wisely.  Everyone lines up their male models and I cannot wait for Nina to ask Ricky why his suit is held together with pins and for him to burst into tears.  The models do their thing and the judge’s talk. 


The designers come back onto the runway and Heidi says Elisa, Chris, Christian, Victorya, Steven, Rami and Jillian are safe and can go backstage.  Everyone else is potentially on the chopping block.  Carmen, Sweet P and Ricky look the way I am sure Daniel Pearlman did when he realized his head was for sure getting chopped off.  Sweet P basically admits her shirt is terrible and she’s sorry.  Carmen says she ran out of time, but the judges are like EVEN IF YOU RAN OUT OF TIME WHY WOULD YOU SEND THIS CRAP DOWN THE RUNWAY?  Of course, she doesn’t have an answer.  Ricky gets ready to cry when Nina is like HELLO, I AM THE QUEEN OF MEAN, DID YOU THINK WE’RE TOO STUPID TO SEE YOUR PINS, DISGUSTING.  The judges send them all backstage again and choose a winner and loser.  Jack wins with his cute, safe design as it’s the most predictable while Kevin gets a nod for his fabu outfit and Kit’s told that she’s also safe.  Sorry Carmen, you’re number’s up.  Ricky cries like he’s homecoming queen while Carmen doesn’t bat an eye.  BYE CREEPY I NEVER LIKED YOU TO BEGIN WITH.