By Sabrina Cognata

In a way, PROJECT RUNWAY has sort of taken a turn for the REAL WORLD reality TV fate due to casting predictability.  I’m probably judging really quickly as there are too many contestants to even typecast each of them perfectly yet—let alone tell them apart or remember their stupid names.  With that in mind, I guess the best way to go about explaining this week’s episode is to go through a lineup of the 15 contestants flown into New York to do their fancy design stuff and hopefully not get asked to leave the runway by Heidi. 

Carmen – Black former fashion model and seeming know-it-all about the industry.
Chris – The weight challenged gay guy that creates flamboyant costumes out of crazy stuff like lettuce.
Christian – Flock of Seagull reject that talks too much about going to fashion school in London.  Shut up.
Elisa – Crazy lunatic that talks about organic fashion, sews her outfits onto her own body and uses her fingers as a unit of measurement.
Jack – A super buff gay gym bunny swimmer/designer that used to work for Tommy Hilfiger.
Jillian – High maintenance JAP that says she’s ready to launch her own work because it is unfulfilling coming up with Ralph Lauren’s visions. 
Kevin – Sicilian with a jeans line featured in a Victoria’s Secret Catalogue.  Also, he really wants everyone to know he is straight.
Kit Pistol – A stupid alias for a girl actually named Christina and she’s got really stupid white blonde hair. 
Marion – Another super gay guy that wears lame hats and runs clothing store out of his flower shop.
Rami – Los Angeles based designer that works with people like Jessica Alba so why the hell is he here?
Ricky – The very gay lingerie designer that talks about being a beaner.
Simone – An airhead raised by hippies in San Francisco that isn’t smart enough to realize how the game works.  She is the first eliminated.
Steven – He works at the Museum of Science and Industry creating period piece costumes sometimes and has no formal fashion training, but talks a lot about how he knows art.  HE IS AN ARTIST!
Sweet P – Some motorcycling club bitch with way too many tattoos for a woman that looks like she’s approaching mid-life with sagging skin on her question mark face. 
Victoria – Is Asian, Korean to be exact and I don’t even remember if she said anything to make her standout.  Oh well.


So everyone gets to the living quarters at their hotel and they receive a message to go to Bryant Park where they finally get to meet super sexy Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn.  Heidi tells the designers they are going to need to run across the park to some tents and grab as many fabrics as possible to participate in and complete their first project.  Ricky calls himself a beaner running for the border as he takes off in the lead.  Charming.  Everyone gets there in no time, but Chris, the guy with obesity, which doesn’t even matter cause he says exactly what he wants is waiting for him. 

The designers get back to the studio everyone starts working and Tim shows up and makes his rounds.  Tim shows a lot of concern for Simone because her outfit hasn’t even taken a real form and she’s super behind everyone else.  She tells him not to worry and I already know this no talent hack will get the axe this week.  Everyone else seems to have some sort of clue about what they’re doing and time management.  Elise, the chick that seems to smoke peyote decides she is finished with her stupid looking dress so she goes and takes a nap.  Every other designer looks like they are going to shank the hell out of her.  Eventually, time is up and Simone is still nowhere near completed.

The next day the designers get to meet their models and have time to complete their fitting.  Carmen’s hideous dress is almost too tight for her tub-of-lard model and you can practically hear Carmen yelling inside her head about how she used to starve herself because she USED TO BE A MODEL.  Simone spends this time trying to sew her model into her unfinished dress that looks like something an 8-year-old constructed with her first sewing kit.  Pitiful.  The models are sent to the TREsemme hair salon and Simone gets ready to go home. 


Michael Kors, Nin Garcia, Heidi Klum and guest host, designer Monique Lhuillier watch the designs as they go down the runway.  The judges take some time to banter over wht they’ve had to endure.  Nina and Michael are as bitchy as ever and I am giddy.  Ricky, Simone, Elisa, Flock of Seagulls Chris and Rami are asked to stay behind while everyone else is safe.  The judges make it clear that Flock of Seagulls Chris and Rami’s outfits’ standout because of their construction and design.  While Simone, Elisa and Ricky get beat over the head for screwing up.  In the end Simone gets to go home because she might as well have given her model some fabric and said good luck.  Rami wins for his Grecian inspired dress and Flock of Seagulls Chris looks like someone bitch slapped him in the face.  Someone needs to deflate that kids ego and his hair.