By Buzz Byrne

When last we left the Survivors, I was calling CBS head honcho Leslie Moonves a pinheaded nosepicker whose respect for his viewers can only be compared to the common mans respect for toilet paper for the way he LIED to us and said last week’s show was “All New” when it was just a highlight reel of the season so far.

Two weeks ago, the last time an actual “All New” show aired, Frosti had just been sent to the jury and the tribal council was told to hold there places. An under-the-weather Jeff Probst told them, “We have more business to attend to.” Tonight we picked up there and Jeff (cough-cough) told us there was a reward challenge right away. The prize was an overnight stay at the Shaolin Temple, the place where Kung Fu was originated. The winner would see demonstrations from the monks, get a vegetarian feast (can you believe another feast?), and a private jet to shuttle them back and forth. They were given a quiz on Chinese culture. First to five right responses won. James and Todd made it a race but Peih-Gee eked out the victory. She got to take two others with her so she chose old tribe mate Erik and the recently dissed Denise.


Turns out Denise has been studying the martial arts and I couldn’t be happier. If Heaven isn’t hearing a mulleted lunchlady from New Hampshire say, “MAHHHtial AHHHts” then send me to Hell. And with her mullet ponytailed, she is making the unusual physical transformation into Jan Michael Vincent circa 1982. I find this change much more fascinating than Courtney’s transmogrification into a meerkat corpse.

The Kung Fu demonstration was quite impressive. I can die peacefully now that I have seen a holy man do “The Worm.” One monk broke a pipe over his own head. They sent out all the kids to meet the three survivors and even coaxed Denise into doing a few of her katas for them. As she flailed and stomped I was wishing I could have been there to shout “Godzilla!” and point at her and see if that would send the kids running. But then Godzilla attacked Japan, not China, so the kids would have looked at me like the nitwit I am.

James, Courtney, The Stewardess and Amanda were enjoying their time without the others, noting that this could be the final four if everything went as planned. Amanda saw her opportunity and started crafting her own plan. I predicted that Peih-Gee was the one who would pull this off but it turned out to be the one who I told you last week was going to win the game, Ms. Amanda Pixelated-Buttcheeks. Of the South Hampton Buttcheeks.

Her target was James. She convinced Courtney, Denise and The Stewardess to vote for him. The catch was that he had to not win the immunity challenge and then make the boneheaded move of not playing one of his two found immunity idols. They needed to blindside him and tonight was their chance.


Erik won the individual immunity in a throwing star competition so that part of the plan was taken care of. Peih-Gee was sure the target was on her back so she was hustling to work the tribe. Amanda told her to sit tight and act like she was going home but that she wasn’t. I thought this was a mistake and a huge risk. What Peih-Gee should have done with this bit of info was tell James, “Look buddy, play one of your idols tonight and you and I will go to the final two, ‘cause watch how your tribe is gonna turn on you.” But she didn’t.

And James didn’t play an idol. And James got blindsided. The four other members of his alliance voted him out. And he has no one to blame but himself.

Next week it looks like The Stewardess might be headed back to the friendly skies and out of the game. My girl Amanda would be smart to take him out next.