By David Valdes

"It was supposed to be a beautiful day," cooed Mary Alice at the beginning of Sunday night's long-awaited tornado episode.  This, right before she told us that one woman's husband and one woman's friend would be dead by the the end of it all. Ooh drama!  A lot happened in this episode.  Let's run it down:

Much like last season's supermarket holdup episode, this episode began in the middle of the chaos and then flashed back to show us how it all began.  It's a winning formula because the anticipation it creates raises the stakes on every single scene leading up to the big event.

We'll start with Gaby and Carlos, whose story line always seems like an afterthought to me.  I mean, there's betrayal and backstabbing and possible murder afoot but I'm somehow always left unimpressed by all of it.  I love Carlos and Gaby, but I've never really bought John Slattery in the role of Victor.  I don't dislike the character because he's a slime ball; I just don't think the actor is doing a good job.  But I digress.



Very early on, before there's even word of a tornado, Gaby gathered all of the women to drop quite a bomb on them: she was moving.  She explained that she and Carlos were back together and fleeing from Victor, but that they would be back eventually.  A few minutes later Carlos walked in on Gaby doing some serious over-packing.  "I told you just to pack the essentials... is that a boa?"  And yes, he was referring to the feather boa inside of Gaby's Louis Vuitton suitcase.

Meanwhile, Susan and Mike were elsewhere testing my patience.  Basically, Mike was still a junkie.  Susan still didn't know how to handle it.  Things got interesting when a strung-out Mike grabbed Susan and made her fall down the stairs.  I screamed like a school girl because, you know, there's a baby in there.  At the hospital, Mike punched a doctor because he wouldn't see Susan and I guess he thought punching the guy might speed up the process.  It didn't.  And if that wasn't enough to put him on the short list of people I wanted to see blown away in the tornado, Mike proceeded to ask Susan if he could score some of her doctor-prescribed pain meds.

Bree spent most of the episode curiously calm about the impending tornado.  I wondered aloud a few times whether she understood what everybody meant by "tornado."  How about calling your kids?  How about not going on outdoor excursions with the baby in tow?  Bree seemed more preoccupied with her neighbor Katherine's business.  After seeing Katherine spit in the face of Sylvia, that mysterious woman from Chicago who supposedly had a fling with Adam, Bree invited the crazy bitch over.  Sylvia not Katherine.  Leave it to Bree to butt into other people's business and serve tea while doing it.  After the conversation got heated and Sylvia began to suspect Bree of not believing her story, Sylvia inexplicably locked herself in Bree's makeshift storm shelter.

According to Adam, Sylvia was a former patient of his who he once kissed out of pity.  She took that to mean they were lovers.  When he declined her advances, she sued him for harassment or something.  Adam settled out of court, lost everything and moved back to Chicago.  The fact that crazy Sylvia knew about a snake tattoo on Adam's shoulder revealed that they did way more than just kiss.  Disclosing that affair was apparently all the writers had for Sylvia to do because just a few minutes later, she was opening the front door and getting sucked away by the twister.  Fun!  But more importantly, who gets a tattoo of a snake?

Lynette once again found herself depending on Mrs. McCluskey.  This time, Lynette was asking if the Scavo family could ride out the storm out in her basement.  McCluskey called Lynette out on the fact that she only comes around when she needs a favor.  Lynette was visibly upset by the fact that McCluskey didn't consider her a friend but nonetheless persistent about getting her family in that basement.  She succeeded but ran into problems right away.  You see, Ida and her cat were staying there as well and Tom has cat allergies.  When Tom's allergies became too much to handle, Lynette let the cat upstairs.  And when the cat was accidentally let outside in the tornado, all hell broke loose.

McCluskey ran into harm's way after that thing like it was a toddler or something.  This might just be the dog lover in me talking but who would risk their lives for a cat when there's a funnel cloud forty feet away?  The tornado approached so fast that Lynette and McCluskey had to take shelter in the Scavo's basement-less home.  Improvising, the twosome hopped into the Scavo's tub and covered themselves with a mattress.  Pretty smart, I'd say.  But then again, I know nothing about tornado safety and would probably be the idiot stop-drop-and-rolling on my front lawn.

That Emmy-worthy scream you saw Lynette let out in the promos for Sunday's episode was actually a fitting response to what she saw after the storm cleared.  McCluskey's house had been ravaged by the tornado and left in complete ruins.  Here's hoping Tom and the Scavo kids (even Parker) are alive under that rubble.  I mean, they have to be, right?  Basements can't blow away in a storm, can they?


Edie and Gaby made up another pair of unlikely tornado buddies.  The two were fighting over the documents granting access to Carlos's 10 million dollar offshore bank account when the tornado blew in full force.  The papers went flying and Wisteria Lane's bitchiest duo holed up in Edie's crawl space for safety.  They eventually got all mushy and made peace with each other but I'm pretty sure these two won't be exchanging pleasantries once the dust settles.

Oh, and a sharp piece of white picket fence killed Victor.

What did you all think of the big tornado episode?  Has Mike not turned into the most obnoxious character on Wisteria Lane?  What ever happened to Carlos?  What will Ida do without her cat?  And where were Julie, Dylan and the gaybors during all of this?